1614 X St., Suite A
Sacramento, CA 95818
US
916-287-3430
ivy@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
Thrive Therapy & Counseling provides high quality therapy to Highly Sensitive People and to kids, teens or adults struggling with anxiety, depression or self-esteem.
This blog is written by a therapist in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of kids, teens and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves. There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!
Filtering by Category: healthy relationships
We live in a very polarized culture. In the U.S., popular discourse seems to be dominated by overly simplistic descriptions of complex situations and people. Who among us has been glad we were not the ones being called out or criticized online? Perhaps we've even participated in criticizing others for being "toxic" or some other popular term for people we despise.
Read MoreNavigating difficult times in a marriage can be one of the most challenging and complex tasks any couple will ever face. With more than 20 years together, couples must contend with an array of issues such as intimacy, personality changes, kids & grandkids, active vs inactive lifestyle and much more that arise over time. It can be hard to devise answers for these predicaments, yet it is attainable if you have the right resources and information at your disposal. In this article, we'll explore 6 tips for navigating difficult times in a long marriage; from finding common ground with your spouse to exploring different forms of therapy that may help bring back connection between two partners who've been married for many years.
Read MoreIt’s over…Well, at least the logistical act of “breaking up” has occurred. Making the decision was tough enough, and actually enacting that decision was perhaps even harder, but nothing really feels “over” about the huge transition you’re facing right now. You may have expected to feel relieved or empowered, but the initial rush of getting what you thought would be the hard part out of the way has faded and left you with uncertainty. Is there a best way to grieve a relationship? How does one effectively move on? In other words: “Now what??”
Read More
The idea that we can and should control everything isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Having control may be presented as "empowering” but it also sends the message that we’re failures if we can’t control something. For example, self-help programs that claim you can improve your relationships through being more assertive may be well-intentioned but unless they're saying "being more assertive may improve your relationships with certain people", they might be inadvertently feeding into the idea that you're responsible for the way others behave toward you. Others’ behavior is not something we can control yet we’re sometimes led to believe we can make others treat us better and that it's our fault when they treat us poorly.
So, you’ve decided. After all the internal deliberation, it is clear to you that your romantic relationship needs to end. It’s time to break up. But how the heck will you do it?
You may be running through all sorts of possible scenarios in your head, imagining best and worst outcomes, preparing what to say and what definitely NOT to say. There are some decisions to make regarding the “when”, “where”, and especially the “how” of all of this, and it is a lot to sort out! Here are a few factors to examine when initiating the severing of the relationship.
Do you ever feel frustrated when you're trying to figure out where the voice of your inner critic came from? Or why it's so strong? Perhaps your therapist has even asked you this in sessions and you repeatedly draw a blank. This can be so frustrating when we're trying to make sense of things and find some relief.
Read MoreEver wonder why feelings of guilt and obligation are so prevalent in your relationships? Many of us grow up in environments that promote a type of familial obligation in which children are thought to owe their parents because the parents "gave them life" or basic necessities like food, shelter, etc. Children who learn this form of familial obligation may get subtly or not-so-subtly guilt-tripped by their parents when they disagree with them, ask for emotional support, or don't want to spend time with them. These guilt trips might include phrases like "After all I've done for you" or "I didn't know I was such a horrible parent". The implication is that though you did not ask to be born, you owe your parents an unlimited amount.
Read MoreThe act of ending a romantic relationship is often painful even in the most amicable of circumstances, and finally coming to the decision to do so can be an extremely confusing process. Many people, understandably, have significant anxiety and trepidation about breaking up. How do you know when it’s the right time? How do you actually do it? What about all the “what ifs”?
Read MoreOne of the hardest things we can experience in life is the realization that a relationship is not working out. I’m not just referring to romantic relationships but our relationships with friends and family as well. You’ve tried your best to communicate with the person, you may have even sought therapy for yourself or as a pair to try and resolve your struggles, but things just aren’t getting better. Or, if things do get better, it’s only for a short while and before you know it, you’re back to feeling anxious about talking with them, frustrated at not being listened to, or saddened that you’re just not able to be yourself around them.
Read MoreA core belief is a deeply rooted and often subconscious perception of ourselves and the world around us. These beliefs act like a filter through which we view ourselves and our actions and judge them as good or bad. These belief systems are shaped by our experiences and our interpretations of these experiences. Many of us develop negative core beliefs. This is when we start to believe that something is inherently bad or wrong with us or the world around us. For example: “I am worthless” “I am not good enough” “I have to be perfect” “I cannot trust others”. These beliefs are often generalizations about things that we may even logically recognize as inaccurate.
Read More“Calm down.”
“You’re too sensitive!”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
These sentiments are likely all too familiar to the highly sensitive person, and in particular the highly sensitive child. Growing up, I recall countless teary eyed instances of fighting - with little success - to try to restrain the expression of my emotions, only to be met with judgment and criticism from adults and fellow children alike. Often HSPs grow up to absorb these messages and take them on as our own, which can lead to the belief that we, and our feelings are, inherently “too much”. This can lead to self-blame and guilt, and the adoption of an almost default state of apologetic being. Even if logically we now know that sensitivity is not shameful and is even in many ways a strength, letting go of these internalized ideas can be difficult. Accepting one’s sensitivity can be a slow process, but here are a few ways to start.
Read MoreIn this blog post, I hope to give some insight into how the topic of divorce can be worked through in a therapeutic setting. Clients often seek therapy during a variety of stages in the process. Some folks are in the middle of a messy and complicated divorce and looking for a safe space to unpack their frustrations with the legal process. Others are thinking about initiating a separation, and worry about how to approach a soft landing feels daunting and horrifying, especially if there are kids, pets or major assets to sort through. Some arrive when all the paperwork has been finalized and the dust is now unsettlingly settled, and the question of starting anew feels overwhelming.
Read MoreWe all know that relationships between teens and their parents, guardians, or any authority figure can be trying. The ways adolescents’ brains are changing and developing (more so than at any other time except ages 0-5) and the ways their identities are forming can naturally put them at odds with parents and authority figures. They’re beginning to think abstractly, question why, and challenge what they don’t agree with. This doesn’t make setting and holding rules and boundaries easy for any adult.
Read MoreWhat does it mean to “be strong”? When you think of that phrase, what images spring to mind? You might picture someone who is physically strong, someone who is unemotional or stoic, or someone who is able to take on a lot and physically do many tasks or activities. But this is not the only type of strength there is and might not even be the healthiest.
Read MoreWith Summer moving swiftly towards a new school year, many parents are faced with the inevitability of their child leaving home and taking another step towards independence and adulthood . Some may be going to college locally or far away, some may be moving out with friends, working more hours, or traveling. Whatever life changes your family is experiencing during this time, there is a shift that will begin to happen for families during this period that is important to acknowledge. For the past eighteen or so years, a parent's focus has been on attending to the needs of the family, their children, and themselves. In the next month or two, a very distinct shift occurs for many families when a young adult leaves home. For those of you not in this boat yet, remember that days are long and years are short, and this moment will be upon you soon enough!
Read More