There is enough to contend with being an HSP in a healthy and functioning world, but what do you do when the world feels like it’s unraveling? When it feels like every few minutes there is a news update about a cataclysmic natural disaster, ongoing conflict in war torn countries, reversals in civil rights policy, and increasing division in the world, what pressure do we put on ourselves? Do we expect ourselves to be unimpacted, to separate emotionally, to not react or respond. Being a highly sensitive person means we are highly attuned and keyed into the world around us — so naturally, an HSP would pick up on the intense emotional experience happening in the world right now and have a correlating reaction to it.
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Have you been feeling worn down, burned out, or exhausted to your very core? Most of us have been there, we’re there right now, or we’ll be there again. As Hemingway wrote, “the world breaks everyone.” Being human means that we’ll know loss and struggle, that there’ll be times when life goes along smoothly and times when it’s all we can do to slowly inch our way forward.
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What comes to mind when you think of someone who is described as “sensitive”? Something in the realm of overly emotional, weak, or fragile? If so, you’re not alone. In a world that often glorifies toughness, sensitivity is frequently misunderstood and sometimes even dismissed as a flaw. But here’s the truth: sensitivity is not a liability—it’s a strength that allows people to process the world deeply, form meaningful connections, and navigate life with heightened awareness.
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Empathy is a wonderful and essential human trait. It allows us to connect with others, offer support, and foster meaningful relationships. But for those who tend to be over-attuned to others, a common trait in highly sensitive people, empathy can sometimes feel more like a burden than a gift. Over-attunement refers to an excessive focus on other people’s emotions, often at the expense of one’s own needs. This pattern can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, and a sense of losing oneself in relationships. So how can we find balance? Let’s explore the roots of over-attunement, its impact, and practical strategies for balancing empathy with self-care.
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It’s no secret that we live in very polarized times. The news and social media are awash with stories of strong views and behavior. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), you may feel reluctant to express disagreement, for fear of upsetting others. Being highly attuned to others’ emotions makes it hard to shrug off intense reactions, especially if they’re directed at you. You feel a strong desire to maintain harmony, but you worry about the impact of staying silent, especially on issues about which you feel strongly. What can you do?
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It’s that time of year - the days are shorter and shorter, there’s less sunlight and more darkness, the temperature drops. If you’re like me, you may feel an internal dread, an urge to push the winter away and return to sunnier, warmer, longer days. As highly sensitive people, we can be particularly attuned to the change in seasons. This awareness can be really enjoyable when the seasons are shifting in a way we like and can bring a heaviness, an anxiety, or even a foreboding, when they’re changing in ways we don’t like.
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How did that make you feel? What’s coming up for you now? How did you manage that situation?
If you’ve been to therapy even once before, chances are you’ve encountered one or all of the phrases above. And that makes sense. A competent therapist is going to draw attention to your strengths, your thoughts and physical sensations, your feelings. Common denominator: You.
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I don't want to be a burden. I don't wanna put my stuff on other people. I don't want to seem weak or needy.
These phrases might be familiar if you've learned that it's not okay to have needs, or that others’ needs are more important than yours. There are a number of reasons this might be the case: you might be an HSP (highly sensitive person), you might have grown up in a family where needs weren't discussed, you might have received messages from the dominant culture that your needs are unimportant, maybe all of the above. You might believe that the only way you can get love is by suppressing your needs, but it actually might be hurting your relationships.
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Have you read the articles and know that practicing mindfulness or meditation is good for you? Maybe you’ve tried sitting quietly and focusing on your breathing, and you suddenly have 1,000 thoughts running through your head, which quickly turn into worries and leave you feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
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Do you remember how it felt when you did something you loved as a kid? Like, the kind of play that really used to light you up? The thing that you always looked forward to or daydreamed about?
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As HSPs, we’re often so highly attuned that we experience overwhelm due to a constant stream of emotional and sensory input. We pick up on body language, subtle changes or details in our environment, and the needs and emotions of others. For some of us, we’re also acutely aware of our own needs and emotions, but for others, this may be a struggle. How does it impact us when we receive lots of external input, but struggle to attune to ourselves? And how can better attuning to ourselves actually reduce some of the overwhelm we experience?
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Have I mentioned that I hate small talk? I can handle about 30 seconds of it, and then . . . I’m boooored. The meaningless banter makes me wish I was at home reading a good book. But, give me some depth, catch my interest on a topic, go beyond the ordinary chatter, and I’m hooked. I love stories SO much. I could listen for hours as a story unfolds. Yes, it’s one of the reasons I became a therapist, and it’s one of the gifts of therapy—we very quickly move past the shallow small talk and dig into what’s real and what matters. As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), this stirs my soul. I come alive with such deep and meaningful conversations.
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As highly sensitive people (HSPs), we may know ourselves to be conscientious, thoughtful, empathic and attuned to others’ emotional states. We might also be aware that these qualities make us much less likely to treat others harshly. Thus, experiencing uncomfortable emotions like resentment or jealousy or learning that we’ve hurt someone’s feelings may be particularly difficult for us. We may even start to question ourselves, “How could I feel this way? What’s wrong with me?” Let’s dive a little deeper to learn why we might feel this way and how we can better understand ourselves.
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It’s fair to say we’ve all felt it - an imbalance in the ratio of available time to the number of tasks on the list to complete and all the stress that comes with it. While time scarcity can be overwhelming for anyone experiencing it, there are a number of reasons why it can take a greater toll on those of us who are highly sensitive. As HSPs, we tend to have an intensified response to stress in general, not to mention how our tendency toward deep processing and introspection can warrant a slower pace for decision making and task processes.
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As highly sensitive people (HSPs), our brains and bodies stay on the alert, noticing all sorts of details about what’s happening around us. For myself and many HSPs I know, the line between being aware versus overly alert, on edge, and tense can sometimes be very thin.
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