2131 Capitol Ave. Ste 206
Sacramento, CA 95816
US
916-287-3430
hello@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
Thrive Therapy & Counseling provides high quality therapy to Highly Sensitive People and to kids, teens or adults struggling with anxiety, depression or self-esteem.
This blog is written by a therapist in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of kids, teens and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves. There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!
Filtering by Tag: highly sensitive therapist
Have you been feeling worn down, burned out, or exhausted to your very core? Most of us have been there, we’re there right now, or we’ll be there again. As Hemingway wrote, “the world breaks everyone.” Being human means that we’ll know loss and struggle, that there’ll be times when life goes along smoothly and times when it’s all we can do to slowly inch our way forward.
Read MoreWhat comes to mind when you think of someone who is described as “sensitive”? Something in the realm of overly emotional, weak, or fragile? If so, you’re not alone. In a world that often glorifies toughness, sensitivity is frequently misunderstood and sometimes even dismissed as a flaw. But here’s the truth: sensitivity is not a liability—it’s a strength that allows people to process the world deeply, form meaningful connections, and navigate life with heightened awareness.
Read MoreEmpathy is a wonderful and essential human trait. It allows us to connect with others, offer
support, and foster meaningful relationships. But for those who tend to be over-attuned to
others, a common trait in highly sensitive people, empathy can sometimes feel more like a
burden than a gift. Over-attunement refers to an excessive focus on other people’s
emotions, often at the expense of one’s own needs. This pattern can lead to emotional
exhaustion, resentment, and a sense of losing oneself in relationships. So how can we find
balance? Let’s explore the roots of over-attunement, its impact, and practical strategies for
balancing empathy with self-care.
Read MoreIt’s no secret that we live in very polarized times. The news and social media are awash with stories of strong views and behavior. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), you may feel reluctant to express disagreement, for fear of upsetting others. Being highly attuned to others’ emotions makes it hard to shrug off intense reactions, especially if they’re directed at you. You feel a strong desire to maintain harmony, but you worry about the impact of staying silent, especially on issues about which you feel strongly. What can you do?
Read MoreIt’s that time of year - the days are shorter and shorter, there’s less sunlight and more darkness, the temperature drops. If you’re like me, you may feel an internal dread, an urge to push the winter away and return to sunnier, warmer, longer days. As highly sensitive people, we can be particularly attuned to the change in seasons. This awareness can be really enjoyable when the seasons are shifting in a way we like and can bring a heaviness, an anxiety, or even a foreboding, when they’re changing in ways we don’t like.
Read MoreHow did that make you feel? What’s coming up for you now? How did you manage that situation?
If you’ve been to therapy even once before, chances are you’ve encountered one or all of the phrases above. And that makes sense. A competent therapist is going to draw attention to your strengths, your thoughts and physical sensations, your feelings. Common denominator: You.
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I don't want to be a burden.
I don't wanna put my stuff on other people.
I don't want to seem weak or needy.
These phrases might be familiar if you've learned that it's not okay to have needs, or that others’ needs are more important than yours. There are a number of reasons this might be the case: you might be an HSP (highly sensitive person), you might have grown up in a family where needs weren't discussed, you might have received messages from the dominant culture that your needs are unimportant, maybe all of the above. You might believe that the only way you can get love is by suppressing your needs, but it actually might be hurting your relationships.
Being Vulnerable Can Be Scary
One could easily think that being vulnerable is natural and comfortable for HSPs, but that’s not necessarily the case. If you grew up in an environment in which there was no room for your needs, having or expressing them might feel painful or even threatening. You might have started suppressing your needs, or even denying you have them, at a very young age. But having needs for compassion, affection, and respect are as natural as the needs for food and sleep. Without them, we cannot thrive.
Resentment
Feeling vulnerable emotions like sadness and disappointment help us to identify our needs and express them, giving others a chance to meet them if they're able and willing. When we suppress our needs for fear of being a burden, we add another need on top of our original needs – the need to be appreciated for staying silent. We may find that over time, we become resentful of the other person for not recognizing how hard we're working not to be a burden. For HSPs, having a kind and generous spirit may be a big part of our identity, so feelings like resentment may feel foreign or even threatening. Ultimately, these emotions are a chance for us to adapt, grow, and experience more satisfying connections.
The Chance to Be Supportive
Suppressing our needs also deprives our loved ones of opportunities to support us in meaningful ways. If you've ever learned someone was hiding their needs from you, you know how it feels to be deprived of the opportunity to be there for them. You may say to them, “I wish you'd told me sooner” – others may feel this way towards us as well. Feeling needed can be an enriching part of our relationships that helps build intimacy.
Authentic Bonds
We may also lose the opportunity to identify and develop authentic, deep connections with others if we hide our vulnerability. For example, if we suppress our desire for regular communication, we may find ourselves in relationships with people who don't communicate as often as we'd like, leaving us feeling inauthentic and dissatisfied. Whereas, if we express this need up front, we're more likely to get it met within the relationship or to realize we're not the best match. The time and energy we use suppressing our vulnerability is better spent finding people with whom we can be ourselves.
When we develop a certain pattern to help us feel safe, change can be difficult and scary. Working with a professional who understands high sensitivity can help us to develop coping tools that enhance our sense of safety and take steps toward change that feel meaningful and manageable. If you’re an HSP, and struggle with vulnerability, please reach out. We'd love to help.
Warmly,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT# 129032
Therapist/Program Manager/Supervisor
she/her
Have you read the articles and know that practicing mindfulness or meditation is good for you? Maybe you’ve tried sitting quietly and focusing on your breathing, and you suddenly have 1,000 thoughts running through your head, which quickly turn into worries and leave you feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
Read MoreDo you remember how it felt when you did something you loved as a kid? Like, the kind of play that really used to light you up? The thing that you always looked forward to or daydreamed about?
Read MoreAs HSPs, we’re often so highly attuned that we experience overwhelm due to a constant stream of emotional and sensory input. We pick up on body language, subtle changes or details in our environment, and the needs and emotions of others. For some of us, we’re also acutely aware of our own needs and emotions, but for others, this may be a struggle. How does it impact us when we receive lots of external input, but struggle to attune to ourselves? And how can better attuning to ourselves actually reduce some of the overwhelm we experience?
Read MoreHave I mentioned that I hate small talk? I can handle about 30 seconds of it, and then . . . I’m boooored. The meaningless banter makes me wish I was at home reading a good book. But, give me some depth, catch my interest on a topic, go beyond the ordinary chatter, and I’m hooked. I love stories SO much. I could listen for hours as a story unfolds. Yes, it’s one of the reasons I became a therapist, and it’s one of the gifts of therapy—we very quickly move past the shallow small talk and dig into what’s real and what matters. As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), this stirs my soul. I come alive with such deep and meaningful conversations.
Read MoreAs highly sensitive people (HSPs), we may know ourselves to be conscientious, thoughtful, empathic and attuned to others’ emotional states. We might also be aware that these qualities make us much less likely to treat others harshly. Thus, experiencing uncomfortable emotions like resentment or jealousy or learning that we’ve hurt someone’s feelings may be particularly difficult for us. We may even start to question ourselves, “How could I feel this way? What’s wrong with me?” Let’s dive a little deeper to learn why we might feel this way and how we can better understand ourselves.
Read MoreIt’s fair to say we’ve all felt it - an imbalance in the ratio of available time to the number of tasks on the list to complete and all the stress that comes with it. While time scarcity can be overwhelming for anyone experiencing it, there are a number of reasons why it can take a greater toll on those of us who are highly sensitive. As HSPs, we tend to have an intensified response to stress in general, not to mention how our tendency toward deep processing and introspection can warrant a slower pace for decision making and task processes.
Read MoreAs highly sensitive people (HSPs), our brains and bodies stay on the alert, noticing all sorts of details about what’s happening around us. For myself and many HSPs I know, the line between being aware versus overly alert, on edge, and tense can sometimes be very thin.
Read MoreAre you in a relationship with someone who identifies as a highly sensitive person (HSP)? If so, it may not come as news to you that HSPs possess a finely tuned nervous system, making them more attuned to the stimuli, emotions, and subtleties in their environment that can lead to faster overwhelm, burnout, and disconnection than their non-HSP counterparts. Unfortunately, the trait “sensitive” often carries a negative connotation in our culture, and to identify as such has been viewed as a weakness or character flaw historically. The reality, however, is that HSPs bring incredible strengths to relationships like heightened empathy, creativity, and a deep capacity for connection. This blog explores strategies for supporting your partner and nurturing a strong, fulfilling relationship.
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