I’ve been sick on and off for the past month. It began with a single symptom, as most sicknesses do, and has since progressed into a whirlwind of Doctors’ visits, testing endeavors with conflicting results, an unrelated COVID exposure and period of isolation, a resurgence of the original ailment, and a whole lot of uncertainty. Being ill is unpleasant for anyone, but as a highly sensitive person it can be hard not to feel downright pathetic with the intensity of just how bad things feel - not just physically, but emotionally. If you’re also an HSP and feel especially “fragile” during times of illness, you’re not alone!
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Our emotions are kind of like our friends and relatives, not all of them are welcome at our house! We may feel close and welcoming toward our Aunt Joy, but cold and distant toward Uncle Anger – “I barely know him, and…he's KINDA weird!” Unlike our friends and relatives, we don't get to choose if our emotions are part of our lives – they're here to stay, whether we like it or not. When emotions are unwelcome or unfamiliar, we may use defense mechanisms to deal with them. One such defense mechanism is denial. When we use denial to keep certain emotions at a distance, it can have unintended consequences – we may experience repeated feelings of being “stuck”, numb, confused, or even anxious about certain things and we just don't know why. By learning how to recognize and work with denial, we can become more comfortable with distant emotions and increase our awareness, agency, and self-assuredness.
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The idea of forgiveness brings up strong feelings for many people, myself included. I struggle to write about it and to talk about it, which makes me think it’s important to try – even if I’m somewhat clumsy. We often shy away from topics that leave us unsettled or frustrated for their heaviness and lack of clarity. But in some ways, I think this can make things worse – robbing us of the opportunity to stretch our internal capacities to bear the messiness of our existence. Perhaps devoting a little bit of time here and there to heavier topics will build our mental and emotional muscles, so to speak.
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Have you ever gone on a handful of dates with someone, hopeful that the budding relationship would blossom, only to find that weeks later, none of your messages or calls to them are answered? Or has a friend at school suddenly cut off all communication with no explanation, and is now avoiding you in the community? Maybe you have felt such intense disconnection from someone that you can no longer maintain a relationship—yet the thought of reaching out to explain this to them fills you with so much dread that you’re considering just deleting their contact info and sweeping it all under the rug?
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A variety of things might come to your mind when you think about rest. Many of us likely have different definitions of what rest looks or feels like, and we may go about it differently based on our own understandings, backgrounds, and lifestyles.
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For people who identify as highly sensitive or empathic, intense embarrassment and shame might be particularly difficult experiences. Making a mistake can be followed by intense physical sensations and emotions: your face gets hot, your heart rate spikes, and sometimes you may even want to disappear. While this is normal and might even feel manageable for some, people who are highly sensitive may struggle to recover from these feelings.
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Growing up with childhood emotional neglect (CEN) and/or abuse can make it so hard to build loving relationships. If you were told over and over how sensitive you are, or your feelings were rarely acknowledged as natural reactions to the sharp edges of life, it's hard to feel like anything you think or feel is normal, acceptable, or bearable. This makes it really hard to share our true feelings with others or seek their support. Furthermore, responses from our parents that don't seem to match our experiences can contribute to feelings of distrust, both for ourselves and others.
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With today's packed schedules—parents juggling careers, teens balancing school, activities, and social lives—families often operate like ships passing in the night rather than a connected unit. It can be hard to find a feeling of connection when we’re all so busy with our own stuff.
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As highly sensitive people (HSPs), we are especially prone to overwhelm and burnout. It can feel as though the world moves too fast, speaks too loudly, and asks too much. A powerful way to honor your sensitivity is by creating intentional rituals. Rituals are not about productivity or performance; rather, they’re about creating containers of safety, softness, and meaning. They help mark transitions, calm the nervous system, and create a sense of continuity in a world that often feels unpredictable.
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Let’s be honest: Feelings get a bad rap. Somewhere along the line, many of us got the message
that emotions are inconvenient, dramatic, or unhelpful. We try to stuff them down, ignore
them, or tell ourselves, “It’s not a big deal”, when on the inside our emotional experience
continues to simmer just beneath the surface.
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There is often a disconnect between the convenience of the modern world and the distress we witness in many of our teens. They have so much knowledge, entertainment, and capability at their fingertips and yet, many of them seem to struggle with overwhelm and paralysis around life tasks and social emotional connection and growth. How do we support them while also helping them to be more capable, confident, connected human beings? Here are 3 ways to build resiliency in teens.
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I wake up sweaty and tense. I’ve had another dream about wandering through a hotel as I desperately try to get to my room. The catch is that the hotel keeps changing. The stairways move, levels don’t connect, elevators only go to certain floors and they constantly change course.
I’m up against terrible odds, and this seemingly easy task of going to my room has become a nightmare. No matter how much I try, the circumstances keep changing, and there’s so much that’s out of my control.
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Over the course of his tragically short career, singer-songwriter Jim Croce became famous for his world-weary love songs and comic ballads of bullies getting their comeuppance. In his public persona, Croce embodied a very particular masculine archetype in American music and pop culture: a working-class guy with high emotional intelligence, rough-hewn but romantic and with an almost religious dedication to poetic justice.
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If you’re human you probably don’t like discomfort. I mean honestly who does? But what if discomfort is where the growth is? What if discomfort is the hill we have to climb on the way to experiencing confidence? Or joy? Motivation? or Connection?
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If you’ve been in a school, at a doctor’s office, or even frequented social media lately, you may have noticed that ADHD has been getting a lot of attention in recent years. While there is a bit of controversy about whether ADHD is over- or under-diagnosed, there’s no question that it’s on a lot of peoples’ minds these days.
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There is enough to contend with being an HSP in a healthy and functioning world, but what do you do when the world feels like it’s unraveling? When it feels like every few minutes there is a news update about a cataclysmic natural disaster, ongoing conflict in war torn countries, reversals in civil rights policy, and increasing division in the world, what pressure do we put on ourselves? Do we expect ourselves to be unimpacted, to separate emotionally, to not react or respond. Being a highly sensitive person means we are highly attuned and keyed into the world around us — so naturally, an HSP would pick up on the intense emotional experience happening in the world right now and have a correlating reaction to it.
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We are living through extremely difficult times right now. Stress, fear, anxiety, and animosity seem to be at an all-time high. The news cycle can be overwhelming and yet, we can’t tear ourselves away. What is the best way to respond in times like this? Should we be watching more or less news? Following social media or turning off our phones completely? Donating time and money to worthy causes? What is the answer and how can we do it in a way that isn’t completely exhausting?
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As a parent, watching your teen begin the complex journey of self-discovery and identity development can feel like an emotional roller coaster. At times you may feel at odds with their means of self-expression or find it challenging to broach the conversation about identity with your teen who feels more resistant to opening up than ever before. Finding the balance between respecting your teens' unique journey and desire for greater independence with guidance and support can feel like an impossible juggling act!
Here are some tips for supporting your teen:
1. Practicing curiosity in place of judgment.
When your teen unexpectedly walks through the door with brightly colored hair, your initial range of feelings may include shock, disapproval, or even anger. “Why would you do that? or “You look ridiculous!” may sound like familiar first reactions you’ve had?
Instead, start by taking a deep breath. Keep in mind that experimentation is a developmentally appropriate and expected component of adolescence. Rather than beginning with judgment or disapproval, try approaching your teen from a place of curiosity. Show genuine interest and inquire about what motivated the change: “Tell me about what inspired you?” or “How are YOU feeling about this new look?”. This approach allows you to gain insight into their world and strengthen your connection. Remember, they're likely already receiving plenty of judgment from peers, so creating a safe haven where they can be themselves is invaluable.
Likewise, when it comes to beliefs, respect their exploration of different ideas and worldviews. Engage in conversations where you listen more than you speak, and if you have differing beliefs, try to maintain an open, curious, and non-confrontational dialogue. This will help your teen feel that their identity is respected, even if it differs from your own.
2. Lean into conversation.
Sometimes our best intentions are less supportive than we anticipated. Remarks like “I don’t care how my child expresses themselves” or “I support whatever identity they choose” may feel dismissive and do not always leave room for supporting or understanding our teens' experience. Instead, practice leaning into conversation to listen and to learn. Conversation is a powerful tool for conveying your support and investing time in your teen's development. This not only shows that you care about their experiences but also helps them better understand themselves.
3. Be patient and flexible.
Because identity development is a fluid and evolving journey, it's normal to see your teen try many different forms of expression, some of which will stick, while others may be fleeting. As a parent, recognizing that this is a part of the process and practicing patience and flexibility conveys acceptance and permission to safely explore.
When possible, validate and normalize that exploration can be both an exciting and understandably overwhelming developmental milestone. Acknowledge the challenges your teen may face and provide reassurance that it's okay to feel uncertain at times. Finally (and equally important), remember to give yourself grace as you navigate this journey, too.
Warmly,
Chelsea Crowe
AMFT #129977
APCC # 10396
she/her
Have you been feeling worn down, burned out, or exhausted to your very core? Most of us have been there, we’re there right now, or we’ll be there again. As Hemingway wrote, “the world breaks everyone.” Being human means that we’ll know loss and struggle, that there’ll be times when life goes along smoothly and times when it’s all we can do to slowly inch our way forward.
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Therapy is not a straightforward process. It can be challenging and downright painful at times, but can also be profoundly healing. While I hope that all therapeutic relationships contain a free flow of information and feedback between therapist and client, this too can be complicated, and we might benefit from some simple suggestions from a therapist’s perspective. To that end, I wanted to share some thoughts and encouragement that may provide some clarity and even improve your experience of therapy.
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