Therapy is not a straightforward process. It can be challenging and downright painful at times, but can also be profoundly healing. While I hope that all therapeutic relationships contain a free flow of information and feedback between therapist and client, this too can be complicated, and we might benefit from some simple suggestions from a therapist’s perspective. To that end, I wanted to share some thoughts and encouragement that may provide some clarity and even improve your experience of therapy.
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Think about a recent conversation you had with your teenager - especially if the topic was a difficult one to broach or one with a history of tension or conflict. Did it feel tough to “get through” to your teen? Or perhaps the attempt to check in lead to an explosive fight, after which you find yourself seething and thinking (or, let’s face it, yelling) “how dare you talk to me that way!” Everyone has a different approach, or primary style, to navigating communication and conflict. Which one is your teen’s go-to?
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What comes to mind when you think of someone who is described as “sensitive”? Something in the realm of overly emotional, weak, or fragile? If so, you’re not alone. In a world that often glorifies toughness, sensitivity is frequently misunderstood and sometimes even dismissed as a flaw. But here’s the truth: sensitivity is not a liability—it’s a strength that allows people to process the world deeply, form meaningful connections, and navigate life with heightened awareness.
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When Our Greatest Strengths Become Our Weaknesses
“Strengths identification” tends to be a key component when initially starting therapy. However, not every client is educated on the concept of double edged swords. A double edge sword is a metaphor used to describe something that has both positive and negative qualities. In therapy a strength that is a double edged sword is a strength that in healthy doses can bolster us and lift us up but in excess can cause conflict and discord in our life
Take persistence for example - In healthy doses, persistence helps us improve follow-through, achieve personal goals, builds confidence, teaches us to navigate set backs, and improves comfort in attempting self advocacy. In excess, persistence can become stubbornness. This can lead to an inability to hear or internalize other points of view, stunt growth, has the potential to damage relationships, and can lead to feelings of isolation.
Understanding what strength is your double edge sword can be helpful in supporting you in moving through the world more mindfully; which is often a core objective in therapy. Often as we get older and move further into our life, we start leaning into certain strengths more out of habit. We stop actively considering if it is the appropriate tool for the job, and pick it up because it feels comfortable which can be a disservice to ourselves and others.
By stopping and considering what our strengths are and how we use them we create more opportunities for ourselves to be an active participant in our own lives. This in turn helps us feel like we have more control, and helps reduce the amount of regret we experience as our actions better align with our core values, which adds an air of authenticity to our lives. So as we enter the new year I encourage you to identify one strength you have that is a double edged sword and try practicing using it with more mindful intention for 2025.
With warm regards,
Megan Bell, LMFT # 114303
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
2131 Capitol Ave, Suite 306
Sacramento, CA, 95816
she/her
Empathy is a wonderful and essential human trait. It allows us to connect with others, offer
support, and foster meaningful relationships. But for those who tend to be over-attuned to
others, a common trait in highly sensitive people, empathy can sometimes feel more like a
burden than a gift. Over-attunement refers to an excessive focus on other people’s
emotions, often at the expense of one’s own needs. This pattern can lead to emotional
exhaustion, resentment, and a sense of losing oneself in relationships. So how can we find
balance? Let’s explore the roots of over-attunement, its impact, and practical strategies for
balancing empathy with self-care.
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If I wasn’t hard on myself, I’d never get anything done.
I have to be hard on myself to be a good person.
These are some of the most common concerns I hear from people about being more compassionate towards themselves. We have this belief that being hard on ourselves is what allows us to accomplish things and treat others with kindness and respect. But what if I told you that being compassionate towards yourself actually helps you to be a more responsible, mature, and kind person?
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It’s no secret that we live in very polarized times. The news and social media are awash with stories of strong views and behavior. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), you may feel reluctant to express disagreement, for fear of upsetting others. Being highly attuned to others’ emotions makes it hard to shrug off intense reactions, especially if they’re directed at you. You feel a strong desire to maintain harmony, but you worry about the impact of staying silent, especially on issues about which you feel strongly. What can you do?
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Do you remember how it felt when you did something you loved as a kid? Like, the kind of play that really used to light you up? The thing that you always looked forward to or daydreamed about?
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So this message today is for all my caregivers, whether you are the adult child of an aging parent, someone who is helping their spouse through health issues, an aunt, uncle, grandparent, or even an older sibling who is looking out for a child.
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As HSPs, we’re often so highly attuned that we experience overwhelm due to a constant stream of emotional and sensory input. We pick up on body language, subtle changes or details in our environment, and the needs and emotions of others. For some of us, we’re also acutely aware of our own needs and emotions, but for others, this may be a struggle. How does it impact us when we receive lots of external input, but struggle to attune to ourselves? And how can better attuning to ourselves actually reduce some of the overwhelm we experience?
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“I just don't want to feel as much.”
“I don't want to be as easily upset by things.”
“I just want things to roll off my back.”
If you’ve ever experienced emotional overwhelm, flooding, or intense sadness or anger in response to something someone said or did, you might have experienced reactivity. These experiences can be a lot and they can make us worry that we are a lot. Because of the automatic nature of reactivity, it can feel as though change is impossible, but there is absolutely hope and things we can do to improve our coping skills.
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As highly sensitive people (HSPs), we may know ourselves to be conscientious, thoughtful, empathic and attuned to others’ emotional states. We might also be aware that these qualities make us much less likely to treat others harshly. Thus, experiencing uncomfortable emotions like resentment or jealousy or learning that we’ve hurt someone’s feelings may be particularly difficult for us. We may even start to question ourselves, “How could I feel this way? What’s wrong with me?” Let’s dive a little deeper to learn why we might feel this way and how we can better understand ourselves.
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As highly sensitive people (HSPs), our brains and bodies stay on the alert, noticing all sorts of details about what’s happening around us. For myself and many HSPs I know, the line between being aware versus overly alert, on edge, and tense can sometimes be very thin.
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“How long does therapy take to start working?” “I've been in therapy over a year, why do I still have the same issues?” “Will I need therapy the rest of my life?” These are important questions that deserve thoughtful consideration. Read on for insights from a therapist who has provided both short and long-term therapy.
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We’ve all had moments where we’ve been less-than-kind to ourselves. We might have struggled to accomplish something and called ourselves either out loud or internally things like failure, lazy, stupid or even worthless. In the moment, it probably doesn’t feel like such a big deal, we might even feel like we deserve it, or we minimize and tell ourselves it isn’t so bad since we only did it once or twice. But the fact of the matter is that word choice is a powerful thing, and every time we direct harsh negativity towards ourselves we are essentially feeding ourselves poison.
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