Feeling Our Feelings
Ivy Griffin
Feelings Are Messengers, Not Mistakes
Let’s be honest: feelings get a bad rap. Somewhere along the line, many of us got the message that emotions are inconvenient, dramatic, or unhelpful. We try to stuff them down, ignore them, or tell ourselves, “It’s not a big deal”, when on the inside our emotional experience continues to simmer just beneath the surface.
But here’s the truth: feelings aren’t useless. They’re not irrational noise or emotional clutter, they’re information. Sometimes confusing or uncomfortable, sure—but still, no less important.
Here’s where it gets scientific for a second…
When we feel emotionally overwhelmed, our nervous system can shift into a state of activation—what’s often referred to as “fight, flight, or freeze”. This is our sympathetic nervous system kicking into gear. It’s designed to protect us, but it’s not great at helping us think clearly.
When we’re emotionally triggered or dysregulated, access to the rational, problem-solving parts of the brain—like the prefrontal cortex—becomes limited. Your body is saying, “This is not the time for complex thought, it’s time to survive.” So no, you’re not bad at thinking clearly when you’re upset—your brain is literally prioritizing safety over logic.
To get that clarity back, we need to calm the system. That’s where the parasympathetic nervous system comes in. This is the part of your nervous system that helps you rest, breathe deeply, and come back to a sense of internal safety. And guess what one of the best ways to activate it is? Actually feeling your feelings.
When we acknowledge and attend to our emotions instead of skipping past them, we begin to regulate. We move out of panic mode and into a space where we can think clearly, connect with others, and make decisions that aren’t just reactions.
What happens when we do listen to our feelings?
When we slow down and actually name what we’re feeling, a few things happen:
We get clarity: Emotions are often layered. Maybe you’re snapping at your partner, but underneath the irritation is sadness. Or loneliness. When we can pause and identify the real emotion, things start to make sense. We’re no longer just reacting, but instead we’re now understanding.
We allow for healing: Avoiding emotions doesn’t make them disappear. Usually avoidance just bottles the feelings up for a later (usually less convenient) time to try and surface again. Naming and feeling them allows us to release what’s been stuck. Sometimes that means crying, journaling, or just sitting still for once and admitting to yourself that you’re not actually fine—and that’s okay.
We move forward: Contrary to what people fear, acknowledging feelings doesn’t trap you in them. It’s actually what gets you unstuck. Feeling your feelings creates movement. It opens the door to insight, growth, and change.
What does “feeling my feelings” actually mean?
Great question. Feeling your feelings might look like:
Saying out loud, “I’m feeling really anxious right now” and noticing where that shows up in your body.
Taking a breath and asking yourself, “What do I actually need right now?”
Giving yourself permission to feel sad about something even if “other people have it worse.” (Comparison doesn’t cancel emotion.)
Bottom line?
Feelings aren’t weaknesses or flaws in the system. They’re part of what makes us human, and they’re full of wisdom if we’re willing to listen. All this to say, the next time a feeling shows up, instead of stuffing it down or brushing it off, try being curious. That emotion might just be pointing you toward something you really need.
Warmly,
AMFT #129977, APCC # 10396
she/her