Alternative Names for “Therapist”
Ivy Griffin
Years ago, a dear friend and I were engaging in one of my favorite activities - talking about each of our most recent therapy sessions. We had both always made plenty a joke over the course of our relationship about our mutual love of emotional processing, so what better way to do so than discuss the actual process *of* processing?
During the conversation, my friend made a humorous comment about how therapy feels a bit like a “professional one-sided friendship”. This comment was made as a statement of both fondness for the therapeutic connection and also with acknowledgment of and respect for the legal and ethical boundaries that therapists must adhere to. Thinking back on this moment more recently, now a therapist myself, I began thinking about other terms that could be used to describe a therapist’s role - with caveats.
Professional One-Sided Friend*
There are too many studies to cite about the impact of the therapeutic alliance on the effectiveness of therapy, some even pointing to evidence that “goodness of fit” - which I sometimes call “therapeutic chemistry” - is the most important factor that contributes to progress over all others. This tenant is even more vital than specific therapy modality or theory or even number of years the therapist has been practicing. Diving into the therapy process can be vulnerable and emotionally intimate, requiring trust that can often feel quite similar to that of a friendship, just minus the reciprocal nature of one.
It isn’t uncommon for a client to wonder about their therapist’s life outside of session or hope that the affinity felt in the room is reciprocal. This experience actually is not unique to clients! There have been plenty of times when I’ve thought that in an alternative version of life, I could easily see myself being pals with someone I’m working with. I have heard similar sentiments from many colleagues as well. The work tends to progress more smoothly and more momentously when there is rapport and comfort.
*Look, I know you know this, but I have to say it just in case - The therapeutic alliance can be deeply tender and warm and great and comfortable AND a therapist is not a friend. The relationship cannot function as it is intended to if it becomes deeply personal in a mutual way. It is ok to be bummed out about this fact!
Clinical Secret Keeper*
Confidentiality is yet another staple of the therapeutic process, not to mention a hugely important legal and ethical necessity. Being a “vault” for others is as well practiced for me in my personal life as it is in my professional life, as privacy is vital for that very important aforementioned trust. The experience of sharing the unshared, of shining a light onto the problems thriving under the protection of silence, can feel immensely liberating. It can also be terrifying! Being the recipient of such “classified” material on a personal level is a remarkable honor.
*Ok, again, you are aware of this, but confidentiality does have exceptions, like if a client discloses a risk of imminent harm to themselves or others, or if they share about child or elder abuse. Also, therapist mileage may vary, but I personally will not keep secrets in the context of couples therapy. In relationships, there is a difference between privacy and secrecy, and only one of them typically involves a boundary violation.
Feelings Acceptance Coordinator*
A huge part of the therapy process is learning not only to identify feelings but learn to accept and live with them. I often find that clients are either over-encumbered by what feels like “too many feelings” or are so removed from their emotions that they cannot recognize or name them when they arise at all.
While certainly overused, the premise of “your feelings are valid” still does hold true. Feelings are messengers that carry important information that can help one understand their needs and boundaries. Feelings are also not always action items - sometimes they simply need to be felt and acknowledged internally. Part of learning to live with even intense emotional reactions also means knowing when we need to soothe them ourselves rather than rely on others to regulate us. It’s a tough balance!
*Last caveat for the last point - Sometimes we are not ready to face certain emotions, and it can be important to respect and be gentle with that as well. Feelings are sometimes exiled for very good reasons, and it takes time and patience for that readiness to come. And that’s alright, too!
In all honesty, there is not a single week of practicing therapy that doesn’t include a moment of me thinking to myself, “wow, this profession is so weird”. There is also not a single week of practicing therapy that doesn’t include a moment of thinking, “wow, this profession is so incredible”.
Warmly,
Leigh Johnson, LMFT #146804
they/them, he/him
Therapist, Program Analyst
