1614 X St., Suite A
Sacramento, CA 95818
US
916-287-3430
ivy@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
Thrive Therapy & Counseling provides high quality therapy to Highly Sensitive People and to kids, teens or adults struggling with anxiety, depression or self-esteem.
This blog is written by a therapist in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of kids, teens and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves. There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!
Filtering by Category: therapy
Your willingness to have faith and jump in with both feet can be such a beautiful strength when it comes to starting therapy. However where this trait will sometimes bite us in the butt is when we are further into the therapeutic process. Below are some tips to help keep that beautiful optimism in healthy check, so that you and your therapist can get a more realistic idea of how things are progressing
Read MoreHow did that make you feel? What’s coming up for you now? How did you manage that situation?
If you’ve been to therapy even once before, chances are you’ve encountered one or all of the phrases above. And that makes sense. A competent therapist is going to draw attention to your strengths, your thoughts and physical sensations, your feelings. Common denominator: You.
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Years ago, a dear friend and I were engaging in one of my favorite activities - talking about each of our most recent therapy sessions. We had both always made plenty a joke over the course of our relationship about our mutual love of emotional processing, so what better way to do so than discuss the actual process *of* processing?
During the conversation, my friend made a humorous comment about how therapy feels a bit like a “professional one-sided friendship”. This comment was made as a statement of both fondness for the therapeutic connection and also with acknowledgment of and respect for the legal and ethical boundaries that therapists must adhere to. Thinking back on this moment more recently, now a therapist myself, I began thinking about other terms that could be used to describe a therapist’s role - with caveats.
Professional One-Sided Friend*
There are too many studies to cite about the impact of the therapeutic alliance on the effectiveness of therapy, some even pointing to evidence that “goodness of fit” - which I sometimes call “therapeutic chemistry” - is the most important factor that contributes to progress over all others. This tenant is even more vital than specific therapy modality or theory or even number of years the therapist has been practicing. Diving into the therapy process can be vulnerable and emotionally intimate, requiring trust that can often feel quite similar to that of a friendship, just minus the reciprocal nature of one.
It isn’t uncommon for a client to wonder about their therapist’s life outside of session or hope that the affinity felt in the room is reciprocal. This experience actually is not unique to clients! There have been plenty of times when I’ve thought that in an alternative version of life, I could easily see myself being pals with someone I’m working with. I have heard similar sentiments from many colleagues as well. The work tends to progress more smoothly and more momentously when there is rapport and comfort.
*Look, I know you know this, but I have to say it just in case - The therapeutic alliance can be deeply tender and warm and great and comfortable AND a therapist is not a friend. The relationship cannot function as it is intended to if it becomes deeply personal in a mutual way. It is ok to be bummed out about this fact!
Clinical Secret Keeper*
Confidentiality is yet another staple of the therapeutic process, not to mention a hugely important legal and ethical necessity. Being a “vault” for others is as well practiced for me in my personal life as it is in my professional life, as privacy is vital for that very important aforementioned trust. The experience of sharing the unshared, of shining a light onto the problems thriving under the protection of silence, can feel immensely liberating. It can also be terrifying! Being the recipient of such “classified” material on a personal level is a remarkable honor.
*Ok, again, you are aware of this, but confidentiality does have exceptions, like if a client discloses a risk of imminent harm to themselves or others, or if they share about child or elder abuse. Also, therapist mileage may vary, but I personally will not keep secrets in the context of couples therapy. In relationships, there is a difference between privacy and secrecy, and only one of them typically involves a boundary violation.
Feelings Acceptance Coordinator*
A huge part of the therapy process is learning not only to identify feelings but learn to accept and live with them. I often find that clients are either over-encumbered by what feels like “too many feelings” or are so removed from their emotions that they cannot recognize or name them when they arise at all.
While certainly overused, the premise of “your feelings are valid” still does hold true. Feelings are messengers that carry important information that can help one understand their needs and boundaries. Feelings are also not always action items - sometimes they simply need to be felt and acknowledged internally. Part of learning to live with even intense emotional reactions also means knowing when we need to soothe them ourselves rather than rely on others to regulate us. It’s a tough balance!
*Last caveat for the last point - Sometimes we are not ready to face certain emotions, and it can be important to respect and be gentle with that as well. Feelings are sometimes exiled for very good reasons, and it takes time and patience for that readiness to come. And that’s alright, too!
In all honesty, there is not a single week of practicing therapy that doesn’t include a moment of me thinking to myself, “wow, this profession is so weird”. There is also not a single week of practicing therapy that doesn’t include a moment of thinking, “wow, this profession is so incredible”.
Warmly,
Leigh Johnson, LMFT #146804
they/them, he/him
Therapist, Program Analyst
Whenever someone says, “I have a surprise for you”, my first thought is usually, “Is it good or bad?”. We tend to want to put things into categories to make them more manageable. Putting something into a category may help us feel more prepared and less likely to be blindsided by something unpleasant. But putting things into black and white categories can also have drawbacks. We may find ourselves frequently categorizing people and things as bad and feeling anxious or exhausted by all the bad stuff we encounter.
Read More“I want to relax but I feel constantly anxious, like the other shoe is about to drop.”
Hypervigilance can be draining and painful and sometimes makes us feel hopeless. We long for respite from the constant physical tension and the marathon of thoughts running through our heads. How do we swap our experiences of frequent anxiety and fleeting calm for more frequent calm and fleeting anxiety?
Read MoreIn addition to anxiety and depression, low motivation is one of the most common reasons I’ve noticed people seek out therapy. There are things that they want to do and things they must do, and they’re really struggling to accomplish their goals. What’s worse is they’re often really hard themselves about their struggles and may end up paralyzed by shame and overwhelm. This can lead to feelings of failure, being stunted, stuck, or not succeeding at life.
Read More“I get caught in these thought spirals and can’t get out.” “I obsess about all the things that could go wrong.” “I feel paralyzed and can’t take a step in any direction because I’m afraid of making the wrong decision.” Ugh! Anxious thoughts can be so exhausting! They can keep us up at night and weigh us down so much it feels difficult to move. How do we get unstuck and find relief?
Read More“What if I mess up?” “What if I can’t handle this situation?” “What if I’m rejected?” Phew! Thinking about all the “What-ifs” can be EXHAUSTING! It’s like our fears and insecurities are tapping on our shoulders saying “Hey, HEY, HEY!!!”. They want our attention and won’t let up until we find some way of addressing the issue or some other way to escape. The problem is, escaping or avoiding the what-ifs often prolongs our anxiety and may even cause it to build. How do we find relief?
Read MoreFor people who identify as highly sensitive or empathic, intense embarrassment and shame might be particularly difficult experiences. Making a mistake can be followed by intense physical sensations and emotions: your face gets hot, your heart rate spikes, and sometimes you may even want to disappear. While this is normal and might even feel manageable for some, people who are highly sensitive may struggle to recover from these feelings. It can be such a shock to the system that they may ruminate for hours or days on the incident that led them to feel this way, trying to understand what happened or worse, being hard on themselves about it.
Read MoreDealing with depression can seem like an excruciating marathon set in the middle of a tornado. The intensity of sorrow, hopelessness and defeat can leave you feeling unbearably powerless. It takes a huge amount of strength and bravery to reach out for help. For many, by the time they reach out to get therapy and medication, they have been in a lengthy battle and need help NOW! If a person starts psychiatric medication and things do not get better or if the side effects are intolerable, Transmagnetic Cranial Stimulation (TMS) may be a good option. Below are some answers that may guide your journey.
Read MoreEver feel like you’re just not as far along as you should be with managing things like finances, your health, or care for yourself and your home? Is it a struggle to motivate? Are you scared to ask for help from other adults because they might judge you? There might be good reasons you’re feeling this way and they might stem from childhood.
Read MoreA core belief is a deeply rooted and often subconscious perception of ourselves and the world around us. These beliefs act like a filter through which we view ourselves and our actions and judge them as good or bad. These belief systems are shaped by our experiences and our interpretations of these experiences. Many of us develop negative core beliefs. This is when we start to believe that something is inherently bad or wrong with us or the world around us. For example: “I am worthless” “I am not good enough” “I have to be perfect” “I cannot trust others”. These beliefs are often generalizations about things that we may even logically recognize as inaccurate.
Read MoreFor most of us, self-compassion does not come easily. We more commonly speak to ourselves with self-criticism, often learned early in life from our caregivers, school, and our hyper-individualistic and competitive society. We believe that if we criticize ourselves, we will protect ourselves from being criticized and judged by others. We aim to be perfect so that we can feel safe. In reality, self-criticism only exacerbates suffering.
Read MoreIt’s important to remember that mainstream approaches of talk therapy, while evidence-based and effective for many people, have their limits. There are other approaches that can augment our treatment, involving more than simply discussing issues with our therapist a couple of times a month. This is where the body comes in.
Read MoreDespite our best efforts to be rational and reasonable thinkers, many of us fall into the trap of thinking mistakes, also known as cognitive distortions. There are a number of common cognitive distortions that most people make, one of them being Black and White / All-or-Nothing Thinking. This is when you believe that only one thing can be true to the exclusion of all else. It’s believing that there is only one truth and leaving no space for other options, opinions, or thoughts.
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