Dealing With "What-Ifs"
Ivy Griffin
“What if I mess up?” “What if I can’t handle this situation?” “What if I’m rejected?” Phew! Thinking about all the “What-ifs” can be EXHAUSTING! It’s like our fears and insecurities are tapping on our shoulders saying “Hey, HEY, HEY!!!”. They want our attention and won’t let up until we find some way of addressing the issue or some other way to escape. The problem is, escaping or avoiding the what-ifs often prolongs our anxiety and may even cause it to build. How do we find relief?
I want to preface these suggestions by saying that a certain amount of anxiety about life is inevitable and unavoidable – it’s part of being human – so it’s unrealistic to expect to completely get rid of ALL feelings of anxiety. That said, there are things we can do to address this type of anxiety and lessen its intensity or shorten its duration.
Answer the question – Consider your “what-if” and give your best, most realistic answer. Try to imagine what would actually happen if the what-if came true: How would you feel? What needs might you have? What steps could you take to address those needs? You’re essentially making a plan which often helps us to feel reassured.
Take stock of your resources – List out your internal (determination, creative thinking, been through this before) and external resources (loved ones, therapist, savings). Make an actual list and put it somewhere you can easily find it so you can remind yourself of all the tools you have available to address this issue if it arises.
Commit to self-care – Oftentimes, we’re most afraid of how we will treat ourselves if we make a mistake or encounter a difficult situation. If we tend to bully ourselves, feeling afraid is understandable! We can counter this fear by committing to care for ourselves no matter what. When we consistently show up for ourselves with compassion and a commitment to try our best, we learn that we do not need to be afraid of tough stuff and that we will have our own backs no matter what.
I suggest you start small with the above practices. Attempting to bite off more than we can chew – even when it comes to self-care – can lead to failure, disappointment, and a loss of motivation to keep trying. Starting off with 5 minutes of these practices per week can help us to build a sense of accomplishment and momentum to keep going. I also suggest asking for support from your therapist or a loved one who is great at encouraging you. Talking through some of these things can help them stick in our minds and become more automatic over time. As always, if you need support, please reach out.
All my best,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT# 129032
Therapist and Program Manage
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda
916-287-3430