1614 X St., Suite A
Sacramento, CA 95818
US
916-287-3430
ivy@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
Thrive Therapy & Counseling provides high quality therapy to Highly Sensitive People and to kids, teens or adults struggling with anxiety, depression or self-esteem.
This blog is written by a therapist in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of kids, teens and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves. There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!
Filtering by Tag: surviving and thriving
Your willingness to have faith and jump in with both feet can be such a beautiful strength when it comes to starting therapy. However where this trait will sometimes bite us in the butt is when we are further into the therapeutic process. Below are some tips to help keep that beautiful optimism in healthy check, so that you and your therapist can get a more realistic idea of how things are progressing
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Years ago, a dear friend and I were engaging in one of my favorite activities - talking about each of our most recent therapy sessions. We had both always made plenty a joke over the course of our relationship about our mutual love of emotional processing, so what better way to do so than discuss the actual process *of* processing?
During the conversation, my friend made a humorous comment about how therapy feels a bit like a “professional one-sided friendship”. This comment was made as a statement of both fondness for the therapeutic connection and also with acknowledgment of and respect for the legal and ethical boundaries that therapists must adhere to. Thinking back on this moment more recently, now a therapist myself, I began thinking about other terms that could be used to describe a therapist’s role - with caveats.
Professional One-Sided Friend*
There are too many studies to cite about the impact of the therapeutic alliance on the effectiveness of therapy, some even pointing to evidence that “goodness of fit” - which I sometimes call “therapeutic chemistry” - is the most important factor that contributes to progress over all others. This tenant is even more vital than specific therapy modality or theory or even number of years the therapist has been practicing. Diving into the therapy process can be vulnerable and emotionally intimate, requiring trust that can often feel quite similar to that of a friendship, just minus the reciprocal nature of one.
It isn’t uncommon for a client to wonder about their therapist’s life outside of session or hope that the affinity felt in the room is reciprocal. This experience actually is not unique to clients! There have been plenty of times when I’ve thought that in an alternative version of life, I could easily see myself being pals with someone I’m working with. I have heard similar sentiments from many colleagues as well. The work tends to progress more smoothly and more momentously when there is rapport and comfort.
*Look, I know you know this, but I have to say it just in case - The therapeutic alliance can be deeply tender and warm and great and comfortable AND a therapist is not a friend. The relationship cannot function as it is intended to if it becomes deeply personal in a mutual way. It is ok to be bummed out about this fact!
Clinical Secret Keeper*
Confidentiality is yet another staple of the therapeutic process, not to mention a hugely important legal and ethical necessity. Being a “vault” for others is as well practiced for me in my personal life as it is in my professional life, as privacy is vital for that very important aforementioned trust. The experience of sharing the unshared, of shining a light onto the problems thriving under the protection of silence, can feel immensely liberating. It can also be terrifying! Being the recipient of such “classified” material on a personal level is a remarkable honor.
*Ok, again, you are aware of this, but confidentiality does have exceptions, like if a client discloses a risk of imminent harm to themselves or others, or if they share about child or elder abuse. Also, therapist mileage may vary, but I personally will not keep secrets in the context of couples therapy. In relationships, there is a difference between privacy and secrecy, and only one of them typically involves a boundary violation.
Feelings Acceptance Coordinator*
A huge part of the therapy process is learning not only to identify feelings but learn to accept and live with them. I often find that clients are either over-encumbered by what feels like “too many feelings” or are so removed from their emotions that they cannot recognize or name them when they arise at all.
While certainly overused, the premise of “your feelings are valid” still does hold true. Feelings are messengers that carry important information that can help one understand their needs and boundaries. Feelings are also not always action items - sometimes they simply need to be felt and acknowledged internally. Part of learning to live with even intense emotional reactions also means knowing when we need to soothe them ourselves rather than rely on others to regulate us. It’s a tough balance!
*Last caveat for the last point - Sometimes we are not ready to face certain emotions, and it can be important to respect and be gentle with that as well. Feelings are sometimes exiled for very good reasons, and it takes time and patience for that readiness to come. And that’s alright, too!
In all honesty, there is not a single week of practicing therapy that doesn’t include a moment of me thinking to myself, “wow, this profession is so weird”. There is also not a single week of practicing therapy that doesn’t include a moment of thinking, “wow, this profession is so incredible”.
Warmly,
Leigh Johnson, LMFT #146804
they/them, he/him
Therapist, Program Analyst
Do you find yourself getting stuck in repetitive thoughts or behaviors? Can you spiral about an interaction from the past or the future? Do you find yourself compulsively checking your phone or email, even though you’re not expecting anything in particular? You might blame anxiety or boredom, but would it surprise you to know that sometimes our coping mechanisms actually feed into anxiety?
Read MoreLife is so full of ups and downs. Progress is not a simple straightforward thing. Sometimes we take wonderful leaps forward. And sometimes we stumble back. The most important thing is not whether or not we stumble but what we choose to do after. Do we become disheartened? Do we give up? Do we throw in the towel?
Read MoreHave you ever heard your therapist use the term enmeshment or refer to two people in a relationship as entangled? If so, I am here to talk about how to support you in learning about how to stand in your power against enmeshment. Enmeshment is a bond that impacts one’s ability to experience autonomy and creates a complex and skewed sense of intimacy. Enmeshment can make it difficult to develop a strong sense of self. It can also lead to blurred boundaries, where roles and expectations are mixed up and there becomes an over-reliance on another person.
Read MoreIn April, I wrote about supporting teens in a seemingly unstable world. Since then, most would agree that the world at large hasn’t gotten any more normal. Dysfunctional politics, news of humanitarian disasters and inhumane conflicts, illusionment through social media, the looming threat of unaddressed climate change, inflation and economic stress; these are part of our shared reality, the boat we’re all in together.
Read MoreSo this message today is for all my caregivers, whether you are the adult child of an aging parent, someone who is helping their spouse through health issues, an aunt, uncle, grandparent, or even an older sibling who is looking out for a child.
Read More“I just don't want to feel as much.”
“I don't want to be as easily upset by things.”
“I just want things to roll off my back.”
If you’ve ever experienced emotional overwhelm, flooding, or intense sadness or anger in response to something someone said or did, you might have experienced reactivity. These experiences can be a lot and they can make us worry that we are a lot. Because of the automatic nature of reactivity, it can feel as though change is impossible, but there is absolutely hope and things we can do to improve our coping skills.
Read MoreFor too many of us, shame brings order to the world -- order feels like control and control feels like safety. But it's the type of safety that results from hypervigilance to threat -- an illusory safety in which we give up our enjoyment of the present moment for constant reassurance that we are not being harmed. This reassurance is so fleeting that we must constantly chase it, and that can be exhausting.
Read MoreI just want things to roll off my back. I don’t want to feel so bothered by things anymore! How can I just let things go? Many of us know the feeling of rising emotion, like a tidal wave about to engulf us – your heart races, perhaps your face gets hot, and it takes all your strength not to dissolve in tears or explode in anger. When this happens, we feel powerless, alone or embarrassed, and we wish these feelings would just go away! But no matter how hard we try, no matter how often we tell ourselves “It’s no big deal”, these feelings keep returning again and again. How do we make lasting change?
Read MoreHolding healthy boundaries is a mental health and well-being phrase that seems to get passed around a lot lately, but what does it actually mean? When we are encouraged to hold healthy boundaries we are actively taking measures to implement limits which safeguard our mental and emotional well-being. These safeguards can prevent burnout, stress, frustration, and resentment between ourselves, loved ones, friends and colleagues.
Read MoreFor many individuals diagnosed or undiagnosed with ADHD, they often grew up saturated in the word “lazy”. Anytime they were unable to accomplish a task or a goal this word was bandied about and stated with absolute certainty. The problem is that “lazy” implies an intention – when you are being lazy, you are actively choosing not to do something.
Read MoreIt's 3am and you're scrolling on your phone to try and get a break from your repetitive thoughts about the uncomfortable conversation you had earlier with a coworker. Or maybe you're attempting to mentally plan for every possible outcome of a future conversation. Your thoughts are as overwhelming as the hundreds of lines of text and images pouring down your screen. You ask yourself, “What could I have said better? What could I do to prevent this discomfort in the future?” You feel exhausted yet, sleep doesn't come. What can you do?
Read More“How long does therapy take to start working?” “I've been in therapy over a year, why do I still have the same issues?” “Will I need therapy the rest of my life?” These are important questions that deserve thoughtful consideration. Read on for insights from a therapist who has provided both short and long-term therapy.
Read MoreWe’ve all had moments where we’ve been less-than-kind to ourselves. We might have struggled to accomplish something and called ourselves either out loud or internally things like failure, lazy, stupid or even worthless. In the moment, it probably doesn’t feel like such a big deal, we might even feel like we deserve it, or we minimize and tell ourselves it isn’t so bad since we only did it once or twice. But the fact of the matter is that word choice is a powerful thing, and every time we direct harsh negativity towards ourselves we are essentially feeding ourselves poison.
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