Have you ever gone on a handful of dates with someone, hopeful that the budding relationship would blossom, only to find that weeks later, none of your messages or calls to them are answered? Or has a friend at school suddenly cut off all communication with no explanation, and is now avoiding you in the community? Maybe you have felt such intense disconnection from someone that you can no longer maintain a relationship—yet the thought of reaching out to explain this to them fills you with so much dread that you’re considering just deleting their contact info and sweeping it all under the rug?
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Growing up with childhood emotional neglect (CEN) and/or abuse can make it so hard to build loving relationships. If you were told over and over how sensitive you are, or your feelings were rarely acknowledged as natural reactions to the sharp edges of life, it's hard to feel like anything you think or feel is normal, acceptable, or bearable. This makes it really hard to share our true feelings with others or seek their support. Furthermore, responses from our parents that don't seem to match our experiences can contribute to feelings of distrust, both for ourselves and others.
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Empathy is a wonderful and essential human trait. It allows us to connect with others, offer support, and foster meaningful relationships. But for those who tend to be over-attuned to others, a common trait in highly sensitive people, empathy can sometimes feel more like a burden than a gift. Over-attunement refers to an excessive focus on other people’s emotions, often at the expense of one’s own needs. This pattern can lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, and a sense of losing oneself in relationships. So how can we find balance? Let’s explore the roots of over-attunement, its impact, and practical strategies for balancing empathy with self-care.
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