The idea of forgiveness brings up strong feelings for many people, myself included. I struggle to write about it and to talk about it, which makes me think it’s important to try – even if I’m somewhat clumsy. We often shy away from topics that leave us unsettled or frustrated for their heaviness and lack of clarity. But in some ways, I think this can make things worse – robbing us of the opportunity to stretch our internal capacities to bear the messiness of our existence. Perhaps devoting a little bit of time here and there to heavier topics will build our mental and emotional muscles, so to speak.

A variety of things might come to your mind when you think about rest. Many of us likely have different definitions of what rest looks or feels like, and we may go about it differently based on our own understandings, backgrounds, and lifestyles.

Growing up with childhood emotional neglect (CEN) and/or abuse can make it so hard to build loving relationships. If you were told over and over how sensitive you are, or your feelings were rarely acknowledged as natural reactions to the sharp edges of life, it's hard to feel like anything you think or feel is normal, acceptable, or bearable. This makes it really hard to share our true feelings with others or seek their support. Furthermore, responses from our parents that don't seem to match our experiences can contribute to feelings of distrust, both for ourselves and others.

Let’s be honest: Feelings get a bad rap. Somewhere along the line, many of us got the message

that emotions are inconvenient, dramatic, or unhelpful. We try to stuff them down, ignore

them, or tell ourselves, “It’s not a big deal”, when on the inside our emotional experience

continues to simmer just beneath the surface. 

The couples I work with would not be surprised to hear me say that I’m an avid fan of using intentional language to lessen relational conflict. My own affinity for prose and poetics alongside my training in Narrative Therapy do well to reinforce the view that words are powerful crafters in how we make sense of ourselves, the world, and one another’s intentions. The slightest shift in word choice by the speaker can drastically alter the impact of the statement or expression for the listener. 

Over the course of his tragically short career, singer-songwriter Jim Croce became famous for his world-weary love songs and comic ballads of bullies getting their comeuppance. In his public persona, Croce embodied a very particular masculine archetype in American music and pop culture: a working-class guy with high emotional intelligence, rough-hewn but romantic and with an almost religious dedication to poetic justice.

If you’re human you probably don’t like discomfort. I mean honestly who does? But what if discomfort is where the growth is?  What if discomfort is the hill we have to climb on the way to experiencing confidence? Or joy? Motivation? or Connection?

We are living through extremely difficult times right now. Stress, fear, anxiety, and animosity seem to be at an all-time high. The news cycle can be overwhelming and yet, we can’t tear ourselves away. What is the best way to respond in times like this? Should we be watching more or less news? Following social media or turning off our phones completely? Donating time and money to worthy causes? What is the answer and how can we do it in a way that isn’t completely exhausting?

Therapy is not a straightforward process. It can be challenging and downright painful at times, but can also be profoundly healing. While I hope that all therapeutic relationships contain a free flow of information and feedback between therapist and client, this too can be complicated, and we might benefit from some simple suggestions from a therapist’s perspective. To that end, I wanted to share some thoughts and encouragement that may provide some clarity and even improve your experience of therapy. 

“Strengths identification” tends to be a key component when initially starting therapy. However, not every client is educated on the concept of double edged swords. A double edge sword is a metaphor used to describe something that has both positive and negative qualities. In therapy a strength that is a double edged sword is a strength that in healthy doses can bolster us and lift us up but in excess can cause conflict and discord in our life.