Finding Strength in Hard Times

We are living through extremely difficult times right now. Stress, fear, anxiety, and animosity seem to be at an all-time high. The news cycle can be overwhelming and yet, we can’t tear ourselves away. What is the best way to respond in times like this? Should we be watching more or less news? Following social media or turning off our phones completely? Donating time and money to worthy causes? What is the answer and how can we do it in a way that isn’t completely exhausting?

Planting our feet on the ground

Imagine you’re walking along a rushing river and spot someone in the water – they’re hanging onto a flimsy tree branch and struggling to stay above water. Your instinct is to jump in and save them, but you stop. You realize that if you jump in, odds are you might also be swept away too. Instead, you look around for a sturdier branch and plant your feet firmly in the ground as you extend the branch towards them. 

What are the rushing rivers we get swept up in? The news cycle? Social media? Heated discussions with others? How can we keep our feet planted firmly on the ground so we don’t get knocked off balance? For me, the only news I can listen to without being thrown off balance are short, dispassionate news reports (straight news, no opinions) maybe a couple times a week. Breaks for silence, movement, and music throughout the day can also help us feel more grounded. I’ve also noticed that online videos can shift from enjoyable to overwhelming pretty fast, so taking breaks from our phones can also be helpful. 

Getting Support to Give Support

Even with our feet planted firmly on the ground, we still run the risk of being knocked off balance and not being able to help ourselves or anyone at all. We are much more able to be helpful when we are also receiving support. Pause regularly to scan your body and notice things like temperature, tension, tiredness and hunger. Mindfully responding to our body’s needs can help build inner security, which can help us feel stronger and more secure over time. Practice advocating for your needs in small ways like letting people know when you’re feeling depleted and need time alone or asking people for specific types of support like an advice-free vent sesh, a hug, or movie day. The better supported we feel, the more able we are to provide support to ourselves and others. 

Strength Through Connection

Strength does not always mean being tough or hard. In fact, becoming too rigid about our beliefs or boundaries can cause a brittleness which makes us more easily thrown off balance. A lack of connection with others also leaves us vulnerable – though hyperindependence gives the illusion of strength, it’s always threatened by unexpected injuries or illness or other situations in which we need to rely on others. Connecting with others and ourselves through compassion and healthy boundaries can help us to build strength through trusting, secure relationships and interactions. Opening up more to people we already trust, or finding small ways to connect with new people while doing activities we enjoy can help us feel more connected in our lives.

It can be hard to feel strong when we define strength as certainty, control, or physical power. When we reframe strength as mental and emotional flexibility, connection, and support, it becomes more accessible to us and more sustainable long-term. If you would like support increasing your mental and emotional flexibility or feeling more connected, don’t hesitate to reach out. 

All my best,

Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT# 129032

Therapist, Supervisor, Program Manager

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