Have you read the articles and know that practicing mindfulness or meditation is good for you? Maybe you’ve tried sitting quietly and focusing on your breathing, and you suddenly have 1,000 thoughts running through your head, which quickly turn into worries and leave you feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
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Life is so full of ups and downs. Progress is not a simple straightforward thing. Sometimes we take wonderful leaps forward. And sometimes we stumble back. The most important thing is not whether or not we stumble but what we choose to do after. Do we become disheartened? Do we give up? Do we throw in the towel?
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In April, I wrote about supporting teens in a seemingly unstable world. Since then, most would agree that the world at large hasn’t gotten any more normal. Dysfunctional politics, news of humanitarian disasters and inhumane conflicts, illusionment through social media, the looming threat of unaddressed climate change, inflation and economic stress; these are part of our shared reality, the boat we’re all in together.
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For too many of us, shame brings order to the world -- order feels like control and control feels like safety. But it's the type of safety that results from hypervigilance to threat -- an illusory safety in which we give up our enjoyment of the present moment for constant reassurance that we are not being harmed. This reassurance is so fleeting that we must constantly chase it, and that can be exhausting.
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It’s fair to say we’ve all felt it - an imbalance in the ratio of available time to the number of tasks on the list to complete and all the stress that comes with it. While time scarcity can be overwhelming for anyone experiencing it, there are a number of reasons why it can take a greater toll on those of us who are highly sensitive. As HSPs, we tend to have an intensified response to stress in general, not to mention how our tendency toward deep processing and introspection can warrant a slower pace for decision making and task processes.
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“I want to relax but I feel constantly anxious, like the other shoe is about to drop.”
Hypervigilance can be draining and painful and sometimes makes us feel hopeless. We long for respite from the constant physical tension and the marathon of thoughts running through our heads. How do we swap our experiences of frequent anxiety and fleeting calm for more frequent calm and fleeting anxiety?
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I’ve recently developed a new mini routine in my life, where once a week I walk from my partner’s work to mine. It’s a short walk, we get to save on gas, I get some steps in, and I find that once I arrive at work I feel ready to be present and in the flow. The other day on the radio just before my walk, I heard a classic ACDC song, Hell’s Bells, and I was instantly transported to many different places in my mind. I forgot that I actually like ACDC. It reminded me of my teenage years, of tough scenes in movies, main character energy, and general empowerment and badassery. So I decided to listen to more ACDC on my walk to work: Hells Bells, Highway to Hell, Back in Black, If You Want Blood, a song which always brings me back to the 90’s cult classic movie Empire Records. In this movie, the character Lucas gambles away a significant amount of the record store’s money to save the place from going under. Upon finding that all the money's gone the next morning, the owner Joe becomes vehemently angry with Lucas. As the day goes on, owner Joe confronts more work stressors, the pressure builds, his anger rises, and the only resolve he can find is drumming along cathartically to ACDC.
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Pre-sleep rumination is a frustrating experience that has plagued most human beings. If you too find yourself struggling to fall asleep due to rumination (when we dwell on negative feelings and distress in a repetitive manner, heightening or exacerbating anxious and depressive feelings) you may find some of the following tips helpful.
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Most of us have experienced that frustrating moment when no matter how hard we try to fall asleep we can’t seem to quiet the chatter in our minds, and it feels like all our stresses and fears hit us like a freight train. That chatter is often rumination, and it tends to hit us right when we are trying to fall asleep because we are finally still, and usually distraction free. Rumination is when we dwell on negative feelings and distress in a repetitive manner, which in turn heightens or exacerbates anxious and/or depressive feelings. For anyone familiar with anxiety and depression, rumination can quickly become a core component of the experience.
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Regret is an experience none of us escapes. It can be momentary or take up significant portions of our lives. For many of us, it contains feelings of grief, loss, and despair. Whatever the case, it is significant and can leave us feeling lost in the woods. How do we find our way?
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At times in life we are all faced with uncomfortable realizations about ourselves and how we actually come across to other people. Realizing you might be a bit of a Goldilocks is one of those realizations. Most of us have heard the story of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears,” and the origin stems from that story. A “Goldilocks” tends to complain and quickly dismisses any input or attempts at support, immediately justifies reasons as to why something won’t work, and often feels that nobody understands. This can be incredibly frustrating for the people we interact with, and can take an emotional toll on them after a while. So what can we do if we realize we have entered a Goldilocks phase?
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Hot weather impacts sleep, appetite, health, and mental health. As we trudge deeper into the summer season and the heat rises here in California to ridiculous heights, I felt it might be prudent to touch upon how some core factors we monitor in therapy may be impacted by the change in weather.
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“I feel like I don’t do enough to be as tired as I am”. “I did nothing all weekend and I’m still exhausted!” “Why do I need so much rest?” Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Many people are frustrated and confused by how depleted they continue to feel after down-time. They want to feel more energized and refreshed but can’t seem to get the restorative rest they need. Let’s look at why that might be!
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The hot summer months can be a challenging time for highly sensitive people (HSPs). Though it’s only spring, those of us who are sensitive to heat are already dreading the increasingly hot days (and nights). With the hot weather and longer days, life can feel extra overwhelming. Even the most seemingly innocuous activities can leave you feeling overwhelmed and drained. Here are some tips for coping with rising temperatures as an HSP:
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Do you ever feel like everybody needs something from you and all you want is time to yourself? Do you try to take time for yourself but struggle with guilt or worry about “neglecting” others? Finding the balance between our needs and others’ can be a struggle. Many of us have received messages from the time we were young to do as we’re told, that being “good” is saying “yes” to everyone, and that prioritizing ourselves is selfish. How can we be there for others without losing our minds? And how can we prioritize ourselves without feeling selfish.
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