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Thrive Therapy & Counseling provides high quality therapy to Highly Sensitive People and to kids, teens or adults struggling with anxiety, depression or self-esteem.

Blog

This blog is written by a therapist in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of kids, teens and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves.  There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!

Filtering by Category: highly sensitive person

“I don't want to be a burden”: How the mask of invulnerability may be hurting your relationships

Ivy Griffin

I don't want to be a burden.

I don't wanna put my stuff on other people. 

I don't want to seem weak or needy.

These phrases might be familiar if you've learned that it's not okay to have needs, or that others’ needs are more important than yours. There are a number of reasons this might be the case: you might be an HSP (highly sensitive person), you might have grown up in a family where needs weren't discussed, you might have received messages from the dominant culture that your needs are unimportant, maybe all of the above. You might believe that the only way you can get love is by suppressing your needs, but it actually might be hurting your relationships.  

Being Vulnerable Can Be Scary

One could easily think that being vulnerable is natural and comfortable for HSPs, but that’s not necessarily the case. If you grew up in an environment in which there was no room for your needs, having or expressing them might feel painful or even threatening. You might have started suppressing your needs, or even denying you have them, at a very young age. But having needs for compassion, affection, and respect are as natural as the needs for food and sleep. Without them, we cannot thrive. 

Resentment

Feeling vulnerable emotions like sadness and disappointment help us to identify our needs and express them, giving others a chance to meet them if they're able and willing. When we suppress our needs for fear of being a burden, we add another need on top of our original needs – the need to be appreciated for staying silent. We may find that over time, we become resentful of the other person for not recognizing how hard we're working not to be a burden. For HSPs, having a kind and generous spirit may be a big part of our identity, so feelings like resentment may feel foreign or even threatening. Ultimately, these emotions are a chance for us to adapt, grow, and experience more satisfying connections. 

The Chance to Be Supportive 

Suppressing our needs also deprives our loved ones of opportunities to support us in meaningful ways. If you've ever learned someone was hiding their needs from you, you know how it feels to be deprived of the opportunity to be there for them. You may say to them, “I wish you'd told me sooner” – others may feel this way towards us as well. Feeling needed can be an enriching part of our relationships that helps build intimacy.  

Authentic Bonds

We may also lose the opportunity to identify and develop authentic, deep connections with others if we hide our vulnerability. For example, if we suppress our desire for regular communication, we may find ourselves in relationships with people who don't communicate as often as we'd like, leaving us feeling inauthentic and dissatisfied. Whereas, if we express this need up front, we're more likely to get it met within the relationship or to realize we're not the best match. The time and energy we use suppressing our vulnerability is better spent finding people with whom we can be ourselves. 

When we develop a certain pattern to help us feel safe, change can be difficult and scary. Working with a professional who understands high sensitivity can help us to develop coping tools that enhance our sense of safety and take steps toward change that feel meaningful and manageable. If you’re an HSP, and struggle with vulnerability, please reach out. We'd love to help. 

Warmly,

Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT# 129032

Therapist/Program Manager/Supervisor 

she/her

categories healthy relationships, highly sensitive person, HSP therapy, relationships, self care
tags hsp, highly sensitive therapist, highly sensitive person, HSP self-care, burden

Coloring Your Way to Mindfulness and Taking a Break From Worry

Ivy Griffin

Have you read the articles and know that practicing mindfulness or meditation is good for you? Maybe you’ve tried sitting quietly and focusing on your breathing, and you suddenly have 1,000 thoughts running through your head, which quickly turn into worries and leave you feeling overwhelmed and stressed.

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categories highly sensitive person, mindfulness
tags highly sensitive therapist, mindfulness, highly sensitive person, coping skills for hsps

3 Tips to Better Attune to Yourself

Ivy Griffin

As HSPs, we’re often so highly attuned that we experience overwhelm due to a constant stream of emotional and sensory input. We pick up on body language, subtle changes or details in our environment, and the needs and emotions of others. For some of us, we’re also acutely aware of our own needs and emotions, but for others, this may be a struggle. How does it impact us when we receive lots of external input, but struggle to attune to ourselves? And how can better attuning to ourselves actually reduce some of the overwhelm we experience?

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categories coaching for hsps, highly sensitive person, HSP therapy, therapy Sacramento
tags highly sensitive therapist, highly sensitive person, HSP coping skills, HSP self-care

Getting Past the Small Talk

Ivy Griffin

Have I mentioned that I hate small talk? I can handle about 30 seconds of it, and then . . . I’m boooored. The meaningless banter makes me wish I was at home reading a good book. But, give me some depth, catch my interest on a topic, go beyond the ordinary chatter, and I’m hooked. I love stories SO much.  I could listen for hours as a story unfolds. Yes, it’s one of the reasons I became a therapist, and it’s one of the gifts of therapy—we very quickly move past the shallow small talk and dig into what’s real and what matters. As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), this stirs my soul. I come alive with such deep and meaningful conversations.

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categories healthy relationships, highly sensitive person, HSP therapy, improve communication
tags highly sensitive therapist, highly sensitive person, healthy relationships for HSPs, communication tips

Calming Reactivity

Ivy Griffin

“I just don't want to feel as much.”

“I don't want to be as easily upset by things.”

“I just want things to roll off my back.”

If you’ve ever experienced emotional overwhelm, flooding, or intense sadness or anger in response to something someone said or did, you might have experienced reactivity. These experiences can be a lot and they can make us worry that we are a lot. Because of the automatic nature of reactivity, it can feel as though change is impossible, but there is absolutely hope and things we can do to improve our coping skills.

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categories complex trauma, therapy Sacramento, self care, relationships, people pleasing, improve communication, highly sensitive person
tags surviving and thriving, relationship patterns, improve relationships, improve family relationships, self esteem

When shame is your parent

Ivy Griffin

For too many of us, shame brings order to the world -- order feels like control and control feels like safety. But it's the type of safety that results from hypervigilance to threat -- an illusory safety in which we give up our enjoyment of the present moment for constant reassurance that we are not being harmed. This reassurance is so fleeting that we must constantly chase it, and that can be exhausting.

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categories different kind of therapy, diving deep, highly sensitive person, mindfulness, people pleasing, self care
tags surviving and thriving, people-pleasing, mild depression, self esteem, self talk

Befriending Our Shadows as HSPs

Ivy Griffin

As highly sensitive people (HSPs), we may know ourselves to be conscientious, thoughtful, empathic and attuned to others’ emotional states. We might also be aware that these qualities make us much less likely to treat others harshly. Thus, experiencing uncomfortable emotions like resentment or jealousy or learning that we’ve hurt someone’s feelings may be particularly difficult for us. We may even start to question ourselves, “How could I feel this way? What’s wrong with me?” Let’s dive a little deeper to learn why we might feel this way and how we can better understand ourselves.

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categories coaching for hsps, highly sensitive person, HSP therapy, therapy Sacramento
tags highly sensitive therapist, highly sensitive person, highly sensitive person coaching, therapy for HSPs

Three Ways to Deal With Emotional Overwhelm

Ivy Griffin

I just want things to roll off my back. I don’t want to feel so bothered by things anymore! How can I just let things go? Many of us know the feeling of rising emotion, like a tidal wave about to engulf us – your heart races, perhaps your face gets hot, and it takes all your strength not to dissolve in tears or explode in anger. When this happens, we feel powerless, alone or embarrassed, and we wish these feelings would just go away! But no matter how hard we try, no matter how often we tell ourselves “It’s no big deal”, these feelings keep returning again and again. How do we make lasting change?

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categories coaching for hsps, highly sensitive person, HSP therapy, self care Sacramento
tags surviving and thriving, HSP coping skills, coping with overwhelm, stress management, anxiety, therapy in Sacramento

The Time Scarcity Foe

Ivy Griffin

It’s fair to say we’ve all felt it - an imbalance in the ratio of available time to the number of tasks on the list to complete and all the stress that comes with it. While time scarcity can be overwhelming for anyone experiencing it, there are a number of reasons why it can take a greater toll on those of us who are highly sensitive. As HSPs, we tend to have an intensified response to stress in general, not to mention how our tendency toward deep processing and introspection can warrant a slower pace for decision making and task processes.

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categories coaching for hsps, highly sensitive person, HSP therapy, mindfulness
tags highly sensitive therapist, highly sensitive person, HSP coping skills, coping skills for hsps

Spiraling – The Pain of Repetition

Ivy Griffin

It's 3am and you're scrolling on your phone to try and get a break from your repetitive thoughts about the uncomfortable conversation you had earlier with a coworker. Or maybe you're attempting to mentally plan for every possible outcome of a future conversation. Your thoughts are as overwhelming as the hundreds of lines of text and images pouring down your screen. You ask yourself, “What could I have said better? What could I do to prevent this discomfort in the future?” You feel exhausted yet, sleep doesn't come. What can you do?

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categories self care Sacramento, highly sensitive person, codependency
tags surviving and thriving, HSP self-care, empath, people-pleasing, anxiety

Supporting HSPs in Relationships

Ivy Griffin

Are you in a relationship with someone who identifies as a highly sensitive person (HSP)? If so, it may not come as news to you that HSPs possess a finely tuned nervous system, making them more attuned to the stimuli, emotions, and subtleties in their environment that can lead to faster overwhelm, burnout, and disconnection than their non-HSP counterparts. Unfortunately, the trait “sensitive” often carries a negative connotation in our culture, and to identify as such has been viewed as a weakness or character flaw historically. The reality, however, is that HSPs bring incredible strengths to relationships like heightened empathy, creativity, and a deep capacity for connection. This blog explores strategies for supporting your partner and nurturing a strong, fulfilling relationship.

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categories coaching for hsps, healthy relationships, highly sensitive person, HSP therapy
tags highly sensitive therapist, highly sensitive person, healthy relationships

When You Become An Emotional Dumping Ground

Ivy Griffin

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) often possess high levels of empathy, excellent listening skills, and compassion which make us wonderful friends and confidants. But what do we do when we become emotional dumping grounds for others? How do we recognize when this is happening and how can we protect ourselves?

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categories coaching for hsps, healthy relationships, highly sensitive person, HSP therapy
tags highly sensitive therapist, highly sensitive person, healthy relationships for HSPs

Music & Highly Sensitive Souls

Ivy Griffin

Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) possess the unique ability to experience the world with deep curiosity and intensity, often making us more attuned to life’s subtleties. In a reality filled with noise and chaos, HSPs navigate emotions in creative ways. For us sensitive souls, music goes beyond the background noise and becomes a therapeutic force - offering solace and comfort. Here are a few ways…

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categories highly sensitive person, HSP therapy, self care
tags highly sensitive therapist, highly sensitive person, HSP coping skills, HSP self-care