Have you ever wondered if maybe you were a highly sensitive person (HSP) but felt like some of the traits just didn’t seem to fit? Perhaps certain aspects such as sensitivity to stimuli, emotional depth, empathy, and a need for introverted time and a rich inner life really resonate with you. On the other hand, maybe you also seek adventure, thrills, a need to immerse yourself in new experiences. Perhaps sometimes you find yourself bored or even a little depressed when life becomes small or too mundane. Maybe you sometimes feel torn between going out and staying in, or you crave novelty and excitement while you also want to feel assured and know what to expect. Sometimes the highly sensitive person is not just highly sensitive, but is also high sensation seeking (HSS).
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I don't want to be a burden. I don't wanna put my stuff on other people. I don't want to seem weak or needy.
These phrases might be familiar if you've learned that it's not okay to have needs, or that others’ needs are more important than yours. There are a number of reasons this might be the case: you might be an HSP (highly sensitive person), you might have grown up in a family where needs weren't discussed, you might have received messages from the dominant culture that your needs are unimportant, maybe all of the above. You might believe that the only way you can get love is by suppressing your needs, but it actually might be hurting your relationships.
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Have you read the articles and know that practicing mindfulness or meditation is good for you? Maybe you’ve tried sitting quietly and focusing on your breathing, and you suddenly have 1,000 thoughts running through your head, which quickly turn into worries and leave you feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
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Do you remember how it felt when you did something you loved as a kid? Like, the kind of play that really used to light you up? The thing that you always looked forward to or daydreamed about?
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As HSPs, we’re often so highly attuned that we experience overwhelm due to a constant stream of emotional and sensory input. We pick up on body language, subtle changes or details in our environment, and the needs and emotions of others. For some of us, we’re also acutely aware of our own needs and emotions, but for others, this may be a struggle. How does it impact us when we receive lots of external input, but struggle to attune to ourselves? And how can better attuning to ourselves actually reduce some of the overwhelm we experience?
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Have I mentioned that I hate small talk? I can handle about 30 seconds of it, and then . . . I’m boooored. The meaningless banter makes me wish I was at home reading a good book. But, give me some depth, catch my interest on a topic, go beyond the ordinary chatter, and I’m hooked. I love stories SO much. I could listen for hours as a story unfolds. Yes, it’s one of the reasons I became a therapist, and it’s one of the gifts of therapy—we very quickly move past the shallow small talk and dig into what’s real and what matters. As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), this stirs my soul. I come alive with such deep and meaningful conversations.
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“I just don't want to feel as much.”
“I don't want to be as easily upset by things.”
“I just want things to roll off my back.”
If you’ve ever experienced emotional overwhelm, flooding, or intense sadness or anger in response to something someone said or did, you might have experienced reactivity. These experiences can be a lot and they can make us worry that we are a lot. Because of the automatic nature of reactivity, it can feel as though change is impossible, but there is absolutely hope and things we can do to improve our coping skills.
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For too many of us, shame brings order to the world -- order feels like control and control feels like safety. But it's the type of safety that results from hypervigilance to threat -- an illusory safety in which we give up our enjoyment of the present moment for constant reassurance that we are not being harmed. This reassurance is so fleeting that we must constantly chase it, and that can be exhausting.
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As highly sensitive people (HSPs), we may know ourselves to be conscientious, thoughtful, empathic and attuned to others’ emotional states. We might also be aware that these qualities make us much less likely to treat others harshly. Thus, experiencing uncomfortable emotions like resentment or jealousy or learning that we’ve hurt someone’s feelings may be particularly difficult for us. We may even start to question ourselves, “How could I feel this way? What’s wrong with me?” Let’s dive a little deeper to learn why we might feel this way and how we can better understand ourselves.
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I just want things to roll off my back. I don’t want to feel so bothered by things anymore! How can I just let things go? Many of us know the feeling of rising emotion, like a tidal wave about to engulf us – your heart races, perhaps your face gets hot, and it takes all your strength not to dissolve in tears or explode in anger. When this happens, we feel powerless, alone or embarrassed, and we wish these feelings would just go away! But no matter how hard we try, no matter how often we tell ourselves “It’s no big deal”, these feelings keep returning again and again. How do we make lasting change?
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It’s fair to say we’ve all felt it - an imbalance in the ratio of available time to the number of tasks on the list to complete and all the stress that comes with it. While time scarcity can be overwhelming for anyone experiencing it, there are a number of reasons why it can take a greater toll on those of us who are highly sensitive. As HSPs, we tend to have an intensified response to stress in general, not to mention how our tendency toward deep processing and introspection can warrant a slower pace for decision making and task processes.
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As highly sensitive people (HSPs), our brains and bodies stay on the alert, noticing all sorts of details about what’s happening around us. For myself and many HSPs I know, the line between being aware versus overly alert, on edge, and tense can sometimes be very thin.
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It's 3am and you're scrolling on your phone to try and get a break from your repetitive thoughts about the uncomfortable conversation you had earlier with a coworker. Or maybe you're attempting to mentally plan for every possible outcome of a future conversation. Your thoughts are as overwhelming as the hundreds of lines of text and images pouring down your screen. You ask yourself, “What could I have said better? What could I do to prevent this discomfort in the future?” You feel exhausted yet, sleep doesn't come. What can you do?
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Are you in a relationship with someone who identifies as a highly sensitive person (HSP)? If so, it may not come as news to you that HSPs possess a finely tuned nervous system, making them more attuned to the stimuli, emotions, and subtleties in their environment that can lead to faster overwhelm, burnout, and disconnection than their non-HSP counterparts. Unfortunately, the trait “sensitive” often carries a negative connotation in our culture, and to identify as such has been viewed as a weakness or character flaw historically. The reality, however, is that HSPs bring incredible strengths to relationships like heightened empathy, creativity, and a deep capacity for connection. This blog explores strategies for supporting your partner and nurturing a strong, fulfilling relationship.
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Highly sensitive people (HSPs) often possess high levels of empathy, excellent listening skills, and compassion which make us wonderful friends and confidants. But what do we do when we become emotional dumping grounds for others? How do we recognize when this is happening and how can we protect ourselves?
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Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) possess the unique ability to experience the world with deep curiosity and intensity, often making us more attuned to life’s subtleties. In a reality filled with noise and chaos, HSPs navigate emotions in creative ways. For us sensitive souls, music goes beyond the background noise and becomes a therapeutic force - offering solace and comfort. Here are a few ways…
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I can’t count how many times I’ve received unsolicited commentary about my sensitivity, especially when attempting to assert a boundary or need. Historically, these comments have come from someone I had some sort of ongoing relationship with but only came up in response to my need or boundary. It’s almost as if my “sensitivity” wasn’t a problem until that very moment. Unfortunately, this experience is all too familiar to many of us. I’d like to offer a different perspective than the problem-saturated, blaming point-of-view we’re used to and hopefully create a little relief or at least clarity for readers.
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Are you a highly sensitive person who struggles with chronic, free floating anxiety and tension? Do you also struggle to identify what's causing your anxiety? Perhaps you don't recognize that you're anxious but feel compelled to stay busy as much as possible. These might be the effects of childhood emotional neglect, also known as CEN.
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Exploring different parts of yourself as a highly sensitive person (HSP) requires a compassionate and gentle approach. HSPs often experience emotions and sensations more intensely, which can make self-exploration a deeply enriching yet potentially overwhelming experience. What does it mean to explore different parts of the self? Let’s break it down in a more comprehensible way. We, as humans feel a spectrum of emotions, have the ability to have coherent narratives and are conscious of our ability to connect with others. As an HSP you may have a heightened awareness of your emotions, thoughts, and energetic connection to others, which can then make it overwhelming when multiple experiences are happening at once. You may be hyper-aware of your inner critic, doubt, or empathetic nature. Taking the observer role when feelings, thoughts, or sensations come up will help to determine what part of the self is showing up (i.e. part that's judgmental, part that is hopeful, part that is powerless, and the list goes on!). Know that self-exploration is a lifelong process and with communal support, self-compassion, radical acceptance, and self trust, it can allow for a gentle journey.
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As a Highly Sensitive Person, it is common to find yourself overwhelmed by everyday experiences in our highly stimulating and demanding world. While your empathic nature allows you to connect deeply with others, it also makes you susceptible to anxiety and emotional overload. However, there’s a furry four-legged (or scaly, feathered, winged, finned) companion you can always turn to - your pet. Our pets offer much more than just companionship; they can be a source of comfort and healing for HSPs struggling with anxiety. If you’re an HSP with a pet you adore or an HSP considering bringing a pet into your life, this blog is for you!
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