3 Tips to Better Attune to Yourself
Ivy Griffin
As HSPs, we’re often so highly attuned that we experience overwhelm due to a constant stream of emotional and sensory input. We pick up on body language, subtle changes or details in our environment, and the needs and emotions of others. For some of us, we’re also acutely aware of our own needs and emotions, but for others, this may be a struggle. How does it impact us when we receive lots of external input, but struggle to attune to ourselves? And how can better attuning to ourselves actually reduce some of the overwhelm we experience?
The word “sensitive” is used in different ways – it can mean responsive, reactive, considerate, or attuned. I often think of my sensitivity as both attuned and responsive, but…this doesn’t always apply to myself. Ex: I may be able to pick up on subtle cues that another person is uncomfortable, which may lead me to check in with them about how they’re doing. But when it comes to myself, I won’t notice that my stomach has been growling until it’s screaming at me. By the time I notice I’m hungry, I might be past the point of deciding what I need and instead, want something fast and satisfying, regardless if it’s what I really need or want.
How is it that people who are so sensitive to the needs and feelings of others can be so insensitive to our own needs? Like everything, it’s complex. Many of us grew up in environments we were attuned to, but were not attuned to us. As children, we require good enough attunement from our caregivers to be able to adequately attune and respond to ourselves. We also may have grown up in a family or a culture that gives us the message that being attuned and responsive to our own needs is “selfish” and that our primary value lies in what we can do for others. Whatever the case, our sensitivity didn’t really translate to sensitivity towards ourselves.
So, how do we better attune to ourselves and how might that help with overwhelm? Our sensitivity towards others is often the culmination of years of practice, so better attuning to ourselves will take time, patience, and persistence. Here are some tips to get you started.
Start small – The benefits of starting small are highly underrated. When we identify small but meaningful steps towards our goals, they can help to build our confidence and momentum. A small step toward better self-attunement is pausing before responding. When we go from stimulus to immediate reaction, we’re more likely to be on autopilot, whereas pausing, even for a few moments, can give us the time we need to check in with ourselves and make a decision that balances our needs with the needs of others.
Pay attention to resentment and envy – As HSPs, it may be difficult for us to admit we experience emotions that are labeled as “negative”, but we may be missing important information if we don’t. Emotions like resentment and envy are often signals that we’ve been over-giving to others and under-giving to ourselves. Recognizing and being curious about these emotions may actually help protect our relationships from rupture.
Pay attention to messaging – The messages we get from our culture, our families, and peers play a significant role in our relationships with ourselves. See if you can notice how self-care is viewed by those around you. Is it allowed for everyone or only some? Is it prioritized and proactive, or an afterthought when people are already burned out? Are there subtle or overt messages that self-care is selfish or is it seen as essential for everyone? Needless to say, being surrounded by messaging that sees self-care as selfish or an after-thought might make your own journey to self-attunement more difficult.
As you begin to become better attuned and more responsive to your own feelings and needs, you may find that some of your overwhelm dissipates. Developing an open line of caring and responsive communication with yourself not only enhances our ability to self-regulate, but our ability to trust ourselves, which builds a foundation of security from within. As I said, this process takes time, and is not a straight line – having adequate support can help us stick with it even when the going gets rough. Please don’t hesitate to reach out!
Warmly,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT#129032