“I am so tired but I can’t sleep.”
“Sometimes I don’t realize how tense I am until something starts to hurt.”
“I feel like I’m ALWAYS planning, always trying to anticipate the next thing.”
Simultaneous exhaustion and nervous energy are common experiences for people who struggle with feelings of anxiety. You desperately want to relax but your body and mind just can’t let go. We think to ourselves “If I could just plan enough, do enough, be enough, THEN I can relax.” But this rarely ever happens. How do we get out of this cycle so we can rest?
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Change is hard. We've tried a million times to change in the past and it always works for a time before slowly reverting back to the way it was before. We feel tired, disappointed, and hopeless. “Why do I even try?” we ask ourselves. “There's got to be a better way”.
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"I just want to be able to cope better." I hear it all the time. Sometimes, coping is desirable and beneficial but when is it unhealthy to "cope"?
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“What’s wrong with me?!” “This should be easier!” “I shouldn’t feel this way!” Sound familiar? Even if you’re not aware that you tell yourself these things, you might be familiar with the feelings they bring up: frustration, exasperation, anxiety, disappointment, hopelessness. They all share the same basic belief – I am not good enough. When we struggle, sometimes we’re hard on ourselves for struggling; we want to rush through uncomfortable feelings and be done with them! Little do we know, our effort to rid ourselves of these uncomfortable feelings might be making them more intense!
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Ever notice that taking responsibility can feel scary sometimes? Like you'd rather let someone else make decisions for you? Or maybe you avoid taking control of your finances because you feel bad at math or you feel ashamed you don't know more about budgeting. Perhaps you leave everything up to the universe and hope for the best while fearing the worst. You are NOT alone!
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The parents I’ve worked with over the years care deeply about setting a good example for their teens, guiding them, and showing them love. This may be a part of why there can be a sense of shame around “getting it wrong” with their kids. Society and parents themselves can set almost impossible standards at times for what constitutes “good parenting”. This can make human error, challenges, and unexpected outcomes feel scary. We feel so much empathy for teens when they make mistakes or face challenges but don’t always give parents the same grace.
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Ever feel like you’re just not as far along as you should be with managing things like finances, your health, or care for yourself and your home? Is it a struggle to motivate? Are you scared to ask for help from other adults because they might judge you? There might be good reasons you’re feeling this way and they might stem from childhood.
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Our phones are really good at keeping us focused on anything but the present moment, what is right here right now. And like most of us this feeling or experience probably occurs multiple times a day.
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It's a lot of pressure for you young people, which can cause a lot of anxiety; anxiety you don't even know is there until it's too late and it's become overwhelming. It can creep around under the surface 24/7 making it seem natural – but it's not! We have a birthright to feel secure and safe, and to be able to rest and digest.
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“Calm down.”
“You’re too sensitive!”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
These sentiments are likely all too familiar to the highly sensitive person, and in particular the highly sensitive child. Growing up, I recall countless teary eyed instances of fighting - with little success - to try to restrain the expression of my emotions, only to be met with judgment and criticism from adults and fellow children alike. Often HSPs grow up to absorb these messages and take them on as our own, which can lead to the belief that we, and our feelings are, inherently “too much”. This can lead to self-blame and guilt, and the adoption of an almost default state of apologetic being. Even if logically we now know that sensitivity is not shameful and is even in many ways a strength, letting go of these internalized ideas can be difficult. Accepting one’s sensitivity can be a slow process, but here are a few ways to start.
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For most of us, self-compassion does not come easily. We more commonly speak to ourselves with self-criticism, often learned early in life from our caregivers, school, and our hyper-individualistic and competitive society. We believe that if we criticize ourselves, we will protect ourselves from being criticized and judged by others. We aim to be perfect so that we can feel safe. In reality, self-criticism only exacerbates suffering.
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You know the feeling when you get that AWESOME insight and things just “click” and make sense? It’s that “Aha!” moment when you’re like “Wow, therapy is really paying off!” Just kidding…sort of. And then…it’s gone! As quickly as it enters your mind, it just floats away on the breeze! Where did it go? I like to say that some of our best insights are put on shelves somewhere in our brains, collecting dust.
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People who are highly sensitive or attuned to their environment can experience changes in weather, light, and energy very intensely. In the past few months, the days have gotten shorter, colder, and we may have even noticed a general shift in energy all around us. This can be a welcome change for some and more difficult for others, especially when the expectations we feel don’t match up with the energy we have to deal with them.
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Harvest, shorter days, autumn, fall. When Persephone is called back to the Underworld, when we are confronted with shadows, when the earth begins to prepare for it’s winter slumber. A time of year when we are asked to confront death whether figuratively, metaphorically, symbolically or literally. Many of us associate this season with reflection and nostalgia. For some this is a comforting time, for others it can be emotionally overwhelming and even painful. Death, whether literal or symbolic represents a time of change, a significant transition in our lives, a time of loss and a time of mourning. A time of process into renewal. Inin order to be transformed by this inevitable process, we must lean in to mourn what once was and embrace what we might be becoming.
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What does it mean to “be strong”? When you think of that phrase, what images spring to mind? You might picture someone who is physically strong, someone who is unemotional or stoic, or someone who is able to take on a lot and physically do many tasks or activities. But this is not the only type of strength there is and might not even be the healthiest.
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