2131 Capitol Ave. Ste 206
Sacramento, CA 95816
US
916-287-3430
hello@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
Thrive Therapy & Counseling provides high quality therapy to Highly Sensitive People and to kids, teens or adults struggling with anxiety, depression or self-esteem.
This blog is written by therapists in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs), LGBTQIA+ folks, and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves. There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!
Filtering by Tag: self-care
In April, I wrote about supporting teens in a seemingly unstable world. Since then, most would agree that the world at large hasn’t gotten any more normal. Dysfunctional politics, news of humanitarian disasters and inhumane conflicts, illusionment through social media, the looming threat of unaddressed climate change, inflation and economic stress; these are part of our shared reality, the boat we’re all in together.
Read MoreSo this message today is for all my caregivers, whether you are the adult child of an aging parent, someone who is helping their spouse through health issues, an aunt, uncle, grandparent, or even an older sibling who is looking out for a child.
Read More“I am so tired but I can’t sleep.”
“Sometimes I don’t realize how tense I am until something starts to hurt.”
“I feel like I’m ALWAYS planning, always trying to anticipate the next thing.”
Simultaneous exhaustion and nervous energy are common experiences for people who struggle with feelings of anxiety. You desperately want to relax but your body and mind just can’t let go. We think to ourselves “If I could just plan enough, do enough, be enough, THEN I can relax.” But this rarely ever happens. How do we get out of this cycle so we can rest?
Read MoreChange is hard. We've tried a million times to change in the past and it always works for a time before slowly reverting back to the way it was before. We feel tired, disappointed, and hopeless. “Why do I even try?” we ask ourselves. “There's got to be a better way”.
Read More"I just want to be able to cope better." I hear it all the time. Sometimes, coping is desirable and beneficial but when is it unhealthy to "cope"?
Read More“What’s wrong with me?!” “This should be easier!” “I shouldn’t feel this way!” Sound familiar? Even if you’re not aware that you tell yourself these things, you might be familiar with the feelings they bring up: frustration, exasperation, anxiety, disappointment, hopelessness. They all share the same basic belief – I am not good enough. When we struggle, sometimes we’re hard on ourselves for struggling; we want to rush through uncomfortable feelings and be done with them! Little do we know, our effort to rid ourselves of these uncomfortable feelings might be making them more intense!
Read MoreEver notice that taking responsibility can feel scary sometimes? Like you'd rather let someone else make decisions for you? Or maybe you avoid taking control of your finances because you feel bad at math or you feel ashamed you don't know more about budgeting. Perhaps you leave everything up to the universe and hope for the best while fearing the worst. You are NOT alone!
Read MoreThe parents I’ve worked with over the years care deeply about setting a good example for their teens, guiding them, and showing them love. This may be a part of why there can be a sense of shame around “getting it wrong” with their kids. Society and parents themselves can set almost impossible standards at times for what constitutes “good parenting”. This can make human error, challenges, and unexpected outcomes feel scary. We feel so much empathy for teens when they make mistakes or face challenges but don’t always give parents the same grace.
Read MoreEver feel like you’re just not as far along as you should be with managing things like finances, your health, or care for yourself and your home? Is it a struggle to motivate? Are you scared to ask for help from other adults because they might judge you? There might be good reasons you’re feeling this way and they might stem from childhood.
Read MoreOur phones are really good at keeping us focused on anything but the present moment, what is right here right now. And like most of us this feeling or experience probably occurs multiple times a day.
Read MoreIt's a lot of pressure for you young people, which can cause a lot of anxiety; anxiety you don't even know is there until it's too late and it's become overwhelming. It can creep around under the surface 24/7 making it seem natural – but it's not! We have a birthright to feel secure and safe, and to be able to rest and digest.
Read More“Calm down.”
“You’re too sensitive!”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
These sentiments are likely all too familiar to the highly sensitive person, and in particular the highly sensitive child. Growing up, I recall countless teary eyed instances of fighting - with little success - to try to restrain the expression of my emotions, only to be met with judgment and criticism from adults and fellow children alike. Often HSPs grow up to absorb these messages and take them on as our own, which can lead to the belief that we, and our feelings are, inherently “too much”. This can lead to self-blame and guilt, and the adoption of an almost default state of apologetic being. Even if logically we now know that sensitivity is not shameful and is even in many ways a strength, letting go of these internalized ideas can be difficult. Accepting one’s sensitivity can be a slow process, but here are a few ways to start.
Read MoreFor most of us, self-compassion does not come easily. We more commonly speak to ourselves with self-criticism, often learned early in life from our caregivers, school, and our hyper-individualistic and competitive society. We believe that if we criticize ourselves, we will protect ourselves from being criticized and judged by others. We aim to be perfect so that we can feel safe. In reality, self-criticism only exacerbates suffering.
Read MoreYou know the feeling when you get that AWESOME insight and things just “click” and make sense? It’s that “Aha!” moment when you’re like “Wow, therapy is really paying off!” Just kidding…sort of. And then…it’s gone! As quickly as it enters your mind, it just floats away on the breeze! Where did it go? I like to say that some of our best insights are put on shelves somewhere in our brains, collecting dust.
Read MorePeople who are highly sensitive or attuned to their environment can experience changes in weather, light, and energy very intensely. In the past few months, the days have gotten shorter, colder, and we may have even noticed a general shift in energy all around us. This can be a welcome change for some and more difficult for others, especially when the expectations we feel don’t match up with the energy we have to deal with them.
Read MoreHarvest, shorter days, autumn, fall. When Persephone is called back to the Underworld, when we are confronted with shadows, when the earth begins to prepare for it’s winter slumber. A time of year when we are asked to confront death whether figuratively, metaphorically, symbolically or literally. Many of us associate this season with reflection and nostalgia. For some this is a comforting time, for others it can be emotionally overwhelming and even painful. Death, whether literal or symbolic represents a time of change, a significant transition in our lives, a time of loss and a time of mourning. A time of process into renewal. Inin order to be transformed by this inevitable process, we must lean in to mourn what once was and embrace what we might be becoming.
Read MoreWhat does it mean to “be strong”? When you think of that phrase, what images spring to mind? You might picture someone who is physically strong, someone who is unemotional or stoic, or someone who is able to take on a lot and physically do many tasks or activities. But this is not the only type of strength there is and might not even be the healthiest.
Read MoreAs HSPs, we can pick up on subtleties in our environments and the feelings of others. We may have received reinforcement from our families or the wider cultures we grew up in for being able to anticipate the needs, feelings, and desires of others. We may have even been punished in some way for not knowing others’ needs and living up to their expectations. All of this to say that we can often feel flooded by the noise of others’ needs and priorities in the form of what I like to call “static”.
Read MoreAs HSPs, we may feel as though the world is constantly acting upon us, like we have no control over anything and we’re completely overwhelmed. When we’re highly attuned to our environment and the people around us, there is a lot of information coming in on a regular basis. That’s why it is so important for people who are highly sensitive to use the tools at our disposal to create a sense of balance and satisfaction in our lives.
Read MoreAs HSPs, we may spend a significant amount of energy managing our day-to-day lives. Work, home responsibilities, social interactions, and running errands can leave us feeling drained and like we need lots of time to recuperate. This can be tough when we live in a society that values productivity and activity over rest and rejuvenation. It’s easy for self-judgment about what we “ought” to be doing to creep in.
This self-judgment can manifest as a sense of “I’m not doing enough”, “I’m so lazy”, or “What’s wrong with me that I can’t do more?” When these messages are the ones playing loudest and most often in our heads, they interrupt the time we need to recuperate and make it so we can never fully relax. They can also put pressure on our social interactions which can lead them to feel strained or tense. In the end, our self-judgment drains us of even more energy so that we’re not only left feeling exhausted, we feel bad about ourselves as well.
So what can we do?
Recognize where this self-judgment comes from -- We learn these messages and we can unlearn them with time and practice. They may reflect the values of the wider society and/or our peers and family. But do they represent our values? At the end of the day, we’re the ones that must live in our own heads so we must think about the way we talk to ourselves.
Try challenging these messages with questions like “Are all societal/familial values healthy?” or “How does it impact me to buy into this mindset?” or “Who stands to benefit from me buying into the belief that I need to be productive to be valued?”
Start replacing these messages with more realistic and compassionate ones like “Adequate rest is essential to my ability to function at my best.” or “Just because rest and rejuvenation were not valued in my family, doesn’t mean they aren’t valuable and healthy.” and “Taking time to myself helps me to be more available and engaged when I do have to/choose to interact with others.”
Over time, we can begin to build the type of acceptance we need to be more compassionate and understanding towards ourselves and others. When we honor and respect our own boundaries and needs, we bring that to our relationships and interactions as well. With practice, we may start to find that we’re better able to find balance in our lives and finally let go of the self-judgment that’s been holding us back.
Initiating and maintaining these types of practices can be difficult -- don’t be afraid to reach out for support! The therapists at Thrive are here to help.
Best wishes,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, AMFT #99821
she/hers
Supervised by Ivy Griffin, LMFT #51714
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
916-287-3430
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda