Do you find yourself getting stuck in repetitive thoughts or behaviors? Can you spiral about an interaction from the past or the future? Do you find yourself compulsively checking your phone or email, even though you’re not expecting anything in particular? You might blame anxiety or boredom, but would it surprise you to know that sometimes our coping mechanisms actually feed into anxiety?
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Whenever someone says, “I have a surprise for you”, my first thought is usually, “Is it good or bad?”. We tend to want to put things into categories to make them more manageable. Putting something into a category may help us feel more prepared and less likely to be blindsided by something unpleasant. But putting things into black and white categories can also have drawbacks. We may find ourselves frequently categorizing people and things as bad and feeling anxious or exhausted by all the bad stuff we encounter.
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I’ve recently developed a new mini routine in my life, where once a week I walk from my partner’s work to mine. It’s a short walk, we get to save on gas, I get some steps in, and I find that once I arrive at work I feel ready to be present and in the flow. The other day on the radio just before my walk, I heard a classic ACDC song, Hell’s Bells, and I was instantly transported to many different places in my mind. I forgot that I actually like ACDC. It reminded me of my teenage years, of tough scenes in movies, main character energy, and general empowerment and badassery. So I decided to listen to more ACDC on my walk to work: Hells Bells, Highway to Hell, Back in Black, If You Want Blood, a song which always brings me back to the 90’s cult classic movie Empire Records. In this movie, the character Lucas gambles away a significant amount of the record store’s money to save the place from going under. Upon finding that all the money's gone the next morning, the owner Joe becomes vehemently angry with Lucas. As the day goes on, owner Joe confronts more work stressors, the pressure builds, his anger rises, and the only resolve he can find is drumming along cathartically to ACDC.
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If you’ve been in therapy before you might be familiar with the idea of coping skills and tools. They can include anything from deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation (PMR), journaling, tapping, and visualization-there are so many wonderful methods to support self regulation. But did you know that most coping skills and tools can be used both reactively and proactively?
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Hot weather impacts sleep, appetite, health, and mental health. As we trudge deeper into the summer season and the heat rises here in California to ridiculous heights, I felt it might be prudent to touch upon how some core factors we monitor in therapy may be impacted by the change in weather.
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In the United States and throughout many western, developed countries, we live in societies that value decisiveness, physical strength (which might also be labeled aggression), extraversion, charisma, strong opinions, individual over group needs, pushing ahead at nearly all costs (often thought of as progress), and toughness, (usually defined as not showing emotions). For sensitive souls, these values simply don’t align with who we are.
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As we move along in therapy and begin exploring some of the possible contributors to challenges we face, it can feel like we see patterns everywhere! We may think, “I’ve been handling things the same way forever!” “Will I ever be able to change?” “I’m turning out just like my parents!” No worries! This is a super common feeling to have and it does NOT mean you’re doomed to repeat the past.
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It’s all well and good to bust out your arsenal of coping tools when you’re already overwhelmed, but how do we lessen our chances of being overwhelmed in the first place?
As HSPs, our urges to please others, make their lives easier, and keep things calm can be quite strong. We will do almost anything to maintain peace and harmony in our environment. But sometimes this can come at the expense of our own well-being and we find ourselves exhausted, stressed out and depleted.
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Being a highly sensitive person has its benefits and its challenges. You might find that you experience high levels of internal rewards from simple pleasures like the sound of rain against your window, the smell of fresh laundry, or the softness of your favorite worn-out t-shirt. But by the same token, you might also experience extreme overwhelm from what others may consider small disruptions in your environment, the daily news cycle, or even the moods and emotions of others.
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We all know what a difficult year this has been. Our lives have changed in some ways we didn’t even realize was possible, our privilege or reminders of our lack thereof have been revealed over and over again, and the losses continue to add up. As highly sensitive people (HSPs), we may feel grief, confusion, anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness, disgust, overwhelm, and heartbreak. It’s a lot to cope with, and of course, we feel all of this very deeply and intensely.
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Do you ever feel like you just give and give and never receive the acknowledgement or the gratitude you deserve? Do you continually pour your heart and soul into what you do only to find you have nothing left for yourself?
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“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” the saying goes. But how does this apply to our mental and emotional well-being?
Sometimes when we find ourselves really overwhelmed by a particular situation or person, this can be an indicator that we are giving it too much energy. By that, I mean that we are investing too much time, thought, and maybe even physical energy into something.
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Do you have those days when you just do NOT want to do all the things? When every single part of you just wants to stay in bed or curl up with a book or escape to the beach and not do one. damn. thing. that you’re ‘supposed’ to?
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As highly sensitive people, we likely already have a strong appreciation for the beauty of the natural world. We tend to be lovers of animals, plants, art, beauty and to have strong convictions about protecting and preserving the environment and the other creatures around us. These hard-wired sensitivities and appreciations can serve us well during this time.
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Life continues to feel very strange as the pandemic goes on, and there’s so much uncertainty about what to expect. It’s hard to plan for three days from now, much less 3 months into the future. This is especially tough if you’re a planner, like me. I love scheduling events, get-togethers, and travels to look forward to and daydream about. While I have made a few plans for July and beyond, I’m not sure if they’ll actually happen or what the world will look like by that time. It’s hard to truly look forward to things when we also feel a sense of heaviness and know that so much is out of our control.
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