A Year in Review: Balancing Healthy Self-reflection and the Inner Critic
Ivy Griffin
As 2024 comes to a close many of us are drifting into a state of self reflection, and unfortunately some of us may have noticed that our inner critic is running rampant - excitedly pointing out all the ways in which we “failed,” noting all the things we didn’t quite accomplish, or gleefully rubbing our faces into the success of others. Which of course does a number on our mood and self-esteem; not quite the note we would like to end the year on. So how do we balance healthy self-reflection, taking stock of the year that has passed without allowing the Inner Critic room to run rampant?
The first step is choosing to reflect mindfully. One way to do this is to consider how we actually want to measure success. Do we want to measure it in the number of hugs given and received over the year, or perhaps in the small but wonderful steps we’ve taken in working on our mental health? Do we want to measure it in trips taken, moments of self advocacy attempted, or even simply on those small but powerful moments where we managed to pull ourselves out of bed when it felt like our world was falling apart? The freedom of choice is one of our most powerful weapons, and the lens we choose to view this past year from can make the difference between starting off the new year with hope or hopelessness.
The second step is to mind the balance between positive and negative. Unfortunately for human beings our brains are weird to see the negative more quickly and distinctly then the positive (this goes back to when dangerous things more freely roamed the earth - the first person to recognize the negative/dangerous thing was most likely to survive). Because of this, I recommend that you choose one negative and counterbalance it with at least 3 positives (5+ may be needed initially if your mind has been under the reign of the inner critic unchecked for too long).
The last step is to be mindful of the connotations of the words we choose when reflecting (connotations are the inherent feeling a word carries-positive, neutral or negative). For example, take a moment to reflect on the phrases, “I failed,” “I struggled,” “I attempted.” Which one feels more positive? Which feels more neutral? And which feels more negative? We can control how much negativity we self administer by being mindful of the words we choose and the weight of its connotation. So when we acknowledge an area of shortcoming perhaps instead of, “I failed to ___”, try switching it out for something more like, “this year I attempted ___, I may not have achieved my goal yet, but I plan to keep trying”.
I recognize that this process is easier said then done, especially if our inner critic is used to having its way unchecked. But for the sake of creating an opportunity to start the new year with a more balanced mindset, I encourage you to practice these small changes when you catch yourself lost in reflection.
With warm regards and best wishes for 2025,
Thrive Therapy & Counseling