Dealing With Disagreement as a Highly Sensitive Person
Ivy Griffin
It’s no secret that we live in very polarized times. The news and social media are awash with stories of strong views and behavior. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), you may feel reluctant to express disagreement, for fear of upsetting others. Being highly attuned to others’ emotions makes it hard to shrug off intense reactions, especially if they’re directed at you. You feel a strong desire to maintain harmony, but you worry about the impact of staying silent, especially on issues about which you feel strongly. What can you do?
Subtle Disagreement
Disagreement doesn’t always have to be loud. There are ways we can express our dissent without raising our voices, or having a smart comeback. A simple “Hmm” can express thoughtfulness and that you might not agree with the view being expressed. Silence when others are laughing about something you don’t find funny can also express a diverging point of view and hold space for others to do the same. Simply saying, “I don’t know about that,” can also be a non-confrontational way to disagree that might feel safer than expressing your specific point of view.
Taking Ownership
Disagreement can lead to arguments when people feel they’re being lectured or dismissed. One way to avoid this is by taking ownership of our views. This is accomplished by referencing your own experience and feelings, rather than telling someone why they’re wrong or how they ought to behave. We can use phrases like, “In my experience, I typically find that…” or “My biggest concern here is…” or “I’m seeing things from a different perspective.” While this might be uncomfortable, speaking up in this way can also help build our confidence and self-respect.
Listening
This might not seem like an obvious way to disagree, but can be a powerful way to open people’s minds by creating an environment of curiosity, safety, and respect. When others express a viewpoint that seems overly simplified or harsh, we might ask them, “What is your main concern about…?” This can redirect the conversation from sweeping generalizations to personal values, fears, and needs. We may even get to a point where we can say, “I can see how it could feel that way. I wonder if there’s a way both our concerns could be addressed.”
If none of these are possible, or if you feel the need for space, it’s always acceptable to exercise boundaries. Boundaries can be as simple as excusing yourself to go for a walk or to the restroom, or you can limit the duration or frequency of contact with those you need space from. We don’t have to think of boundaries as harsh or final, but as flexible and as a way to preserve our relationships with ourselves and others.
Disagreement can feel scary in environments that encourage consensus, taking sides, or competition. By remaining calm and being respectful towards ourselves and others, we can begin to foster environments that value disagreement as a form of diversity and appreciation for our unique perspectives. As HSPs, we also possess unique perspectives that can bring value to our relationships and our conversations with others. If you would like to better understand and appreciate your highly-sensitive self, please reach out!
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT#129032
Therapist, Program Manager, Supervisor
she/her
Thrive Therapy and Counseling