One of the common myths about boundaries that I've confronted in my work with clients is that boundaries pertain to other people. Often, I have encountered people misinterpreting boundaries to essentially mean rules for other people's behavior. "You asked an uncomfortable question, so I'm going to shut down the conversation and cite a boundary as the reason," or "I blocked my former friend on text and social media because they kept making insensitive remarks." Maybe you’ve heard people say similar things in your own life. And to be clear, shutting down a conversation, or blocking or ghosting someone, is within your rights as a human being. But let's be clear: this isn't boundary setting. It’s withdrawal.
Read More
Have you ever gone on a handful of dates with someone, hopeful that the budding relationship would blossom, only to find that weeks later, none of your messages or calls to them are answered? Or has a friend at school suddenly cut off all communication with no explanation, and is now avoiding you in the community? Maybe you have felt such intense disconnection from someone that you can no longer maintain a relationship—yet the thought of reaching out to explain this to them fills you with so much dread that you’re considering just deleting their contact info and sweeping it all under the rug?
Read More
The couples I work with would not be surprised to hear me say that I’m an avid fan of using intentional language to lessen relational conflict. My own affinity for prose and poetics alongside my training in Narrative Therapy do well to reinforce the view that words are powerful crafters in how we make sense of ourselves, the world, and one another’s intentions. The slightest shift in word choice by the speaker can drastically alter the impact of the statement or expression for the listener.
Read More