Shame and Embarrassment for HSPs
Ivy Griffin
For people who identify as highly sensitive or empathic, intense embarrassment and shame might be particularly difficult experiences. Making a mistake can be followed by intense physical sensations and emotions: your face gets hot, your heart rate spikes, and sometimes you may even want to disappear. While this is normal and might even feel manageable for some, people who are highly sensitive may struggle to recover from these feelings. It can be such a shock to the system that they may ruminate for hours or days on the incident that led them to feel this way, trying to understand what happened or worse, being hard on themselves about it.
What can you do if this is you?
Pause – Whatever you need to do to slow down or pause can be helpful. This may include mentally telling yourself to “hold on” or “slow down”. You might also find it helpful to excuse yourself to another room or outside in order to regain composure.
Ground yourself – HSPs often struggle with physical overwhelm which can make it hard to function at times. Practicing deep breathing with longer exhalations (like blowing a bubble) can be helpful as well as going for a short walk, being in a quiet space, splashing cool water on your face, or sipping cool water.
Soothe your emotions – Remind yourself that mistakes can happen to anyone, they’re a universal human experience and are not indicative of our personal worth or character. If an apology is necessary, you can make it and if not, focus on forgiving yourself for being human. That may sound silly but so much of our suffering is rooted in unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others. Reminding ourselves that we are human and that we’re not defined by our mistakes can help us to soften towards ourselves.
If you find that many of your thoughts or fears are dominated by memories or fears of making mistakes, it may be an indicator of deeper wounds caused by painful experiences from the past or unhealthy and judgmental societal messaging you’ve internalized. Fear of judgment and intense embarrassment can make it especially difficult to reach out for help. I want to reassure you that in addition to therapists themselves often having understanding based on personal experiences, we also undergo thousands of hours of training to provide sensitive and thoughtful care for clients. Know that when you’re ready, we’re here to support you.
Warmly,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT#129032
Program Manager and Therapist
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda
916-287-3430