Saying Goodbye to Your New Grad
Ivy Griffin
With Summer moving swiftly towards a new school year, many parents are faced with the inevitability of their child leaving home and taking another step towards independence and adulthood . Some may be going to college locally or far away, some may be moving out with friends, working more hours, or traveling. Whatever life changes your family is experiencing during this time, there is a shift that will begin to happen for families during this period that is important to acknowledge. For the past eighteen or so years, a parent's focus has been on attending to the needs of the family, their children, and themselves. In the next month or two, a very distinct shift occurs for many families when a young adult leaves home. For those of you not in this boat yet, remember that days are long and years are short, and this moment will be upon you soon enough!
The goal of this article is to normalize and prepare parents for the sometimes jarring shift that occurs when a child leaves the nest. Even if a younger child is still in the home, the family system has changed, resources and energy are in flux, and there is a loss that the whole family will share in. For many parents, attending to our child’s needs and our own has been a careful balancing act for many years, and having time to attend to ourselves and other family members can be a blessing and a challenge that highlights our older child’s absence. So, when faced with this major life change, what can we do?
First, remember that whatever feelings that follow this very common loss are normal, and that as humans we can hold more than one thing at the same time. Mixed emotions are the name of the game here, and modeling good communication about your own feelings can teach your child how to express themselves better as well. Share in your sadness, relief, and excitement for their next adventure. This contributes to good bonding and is important to bookmark the end of this chapter.
Second, do activities together that are meaningful and be sure to highlight that they will be missed and their absence will be felt. This can be painful for some parents to do, but having these moments with each other are helpful ways to ease this transition for both of you. If they let you, take lots of pictures, eat lots of favorite foods, and go to favorite places as a family or one-on-one. Remember to include them in the process and allow for there to be mixed emotions present during these activities as well.
Last but not least, attend to your own needs for the transition by identifying what will be different when they are gone. What will you do with your time, energy, money, etc. as a result of this change? Planning for real world changes can help reduce stress, anxiety, and sadness related to losses, and a child leaving the home is no different.
Remember, while this step in life is normal and usually expected, it does not mean the feelings that occur are not challenging and uncomfortable at times. Allow yourself the kindness to feel your feelings as they occur without judging or changing them. Your child has been a major part of your life for years, and it’s okay for it to be hard. You got this, and be sure to reach out to your family for support and lean on each other during this exciting time.
Best wishes to you all,
Ben
Ben Friday, LMFT #122263
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
916-287-3430
hello@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com