The Consequences of Oversimplification
Ivy Griffin
We live in a very polarized culture. In the U.S., popular discourse seems to be dominated by overly simplistic descriptions of complex situations and people. Who among us has been glad we were not the ones being called out or criticized online? Perhaps we've even participated in criticizing others for being "toxic" or some other popular term for people we despise.
What is the problem? The tendency to pigeonhole ourselves and others has a profound impact on our feelings of belonging, our stress and anxiety levels, and may contribute to feelings of depression when we view ourselves or our situations as hopeless. Seeing people in a more realistic and nuanced fashion can help us to feel less depressed and anxious and more hopeful and compassionate towards ourselves and others.
Many if not all of us have experienced being misunderstood – it can be frustrating at best and deeply troubling at worst, possibly even leading to conflicts with others. One of the things that can lead to these misunderstandings is mental shortcuts in which we file people (including ourselves) into overly simplistic categories like "good" and "bad". Categories like these are inflexible so when someone doesn't fit neatly into one category, we lump them into the other. This can lead to considerable amounts of anxiety as we try desperately not to end up in the "bad" category.
When we see people as all good or all bad, we miss the bigger picture. For example, if we are very invested in seeing ourselves as good people, we may struggle to recognize when we've hurt others and repair is needed. If we're closed off to the idea we can cause harm, we might get defensive when learning about hurt we've caused. Similarly, if we view a person or a group as entirely good, we might not acknowledge when they've caused harm. We can see this in examples of abuse and oppression – a group's or person's actions are never critiqued because the person is viewed as "good" or "well-intentioned".
Conversely, we may also fail to appreciate people we view as entirely bad. For example, if we view ourselves as cowardly, we may struggle to recognize our courage and bravery. This may cause us to avoid situations that could help us to grow. Or say you view a coworker as overly sensitive or dramatic, you may become prone to dismissing their concerns even when they're legitimate. This may cause us to miss things that are important and can also lead to a lack of appreciation for ourselves and others.
Seeing people as all good or all bad is a two-dimensional view of a three-dimensional world. Learning to see ourselves and others as complex, adaptable beings, capable of many things can help us to live more authentic and fulfilling lives.
Some tips for honoring complexity:
Consider the other side of our gifts and struggles – If you pride yourself on being thoughtful, consider the ways in which this may hinder you at times. Being thoughtful and considerate and tending to ruminate or worry often exist in the same person.
Remember that at any given time, we're only seeing a small part of a much bigger picture – We're not all-knowing! Thank goodness! What a burden it would be to know (or imagine we know) everything.
Try separating ideas and actions from who someone is as a person – All of us are capable of making mistakes but they don't have to define us. Accepting this can help us to be more empathic and to take more personal responsibility.
Work to see yourself and others more realistically – Oftentimes we struggle because we're attempting to deal with things as we wish them to be and not as they are.
We're not perfect and when we stop categorizing people as good and bad, we don't have to be! When we practice recognizing our complexity, we get to learn from our mistakes, grow and appreciate ourselves and others in new ways. Seeing our complexity may help us to build bridges with others and have more productive conversations. Perhaps most importantly, it can help us to build self-acceptance that brings lasting feelings of security.
All my best,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT# 129032
Therapist and Program Manager
916-287-34304
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda