How do we help our kids appreciate technology without becoming all consumed by it? We live in this world of constant connectivity to our devices, and it can be hard for all of us to put the phone down and slowly back away. This is especially true for our teens, since they’re digital natives. They truly don’t know what life was like when you couldn’t just google everything, text a friend, or watch a youtube video to learn what to do.
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“I get caught in these thought spirals and can’t get out.” “I obsess about all the things that could go wrong.” “I feel paralyzed and can’t take a step in any direction because I’m afraid of making the wrong decision.” Ugh! Anxious thoughts can be so exhausting! They can keep us up at night and weigh us down so much it feels difficult to move. How do we get unstuck and find relief?
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“What if I mess up?” “What if I can’t handle this situation?” “What if I’m rejected?” Phew! Thinking about all the “What-ifs” can be EXHAUSTING! It’s like our fears and insecurities are tapping on our shoulders saying “Hey, HEY, HEY!!!”. They want our attention and won’t let up until we find some way of addressing the issue or some other way to escape. The problem is, escaping or avoiding the what-ifs often prolongs our anxiety and may even cause it to build. How do we find relief?
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When faced with the experience of being highly sensitive, confronted with all kinds of stimuli and narratives regarding how one “should” be in this world, it might be easy for HSPs to find themselves down the rabbit hole of cognitive distortions, a.k.a. thinking traps. These thinking traps present as an irrational or exaggerated thought pattern and when employed often enough can contribute to depression and anxiety. There are many thinking traps that can get us lost in a maze and lead us to believe there’s no way out of our negative circumstances. It would be difficult to name them all here today but there are some that I confront regularly in my practice and are worth acknowledging.
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Perhaps you have considered medication for your teen or perhaps someone else suggested it might be worth looking into. And maybe on this subject your feelings are mixed, or you have historically been hesitant to consider the idea. I encourage you to explore and consider your resistance- where does it stem from? Was it a bad personal experience, a horror story about a friend or family member that tried, or is it a lack of knowledge on the subject?
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“I feel like I don’t do enough to be as tired as I am”. “I did nothing all weekend and I’m still exhausted!” “Why do I need so much rest?” Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Many people are frustrated and confused by how depleted they continue to feel after down-time. They want to feel more energized and refreshed but can’t seem to get the restorative rest they need. Let’s look at why that might be!
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When I think of grief and loss, there are a handful of emotions that come to mind: sadness, anger, fear, agony, overwhelm, and many more that we may not even have words for. All of these are valid. In these moments, I personally have found it helpful to have some guiding pillars to return to and act as my compass while navigating through the intricacies of this experience. Today, I’d like to share those with you all. Whether you’re experiencing grief, loss, or a combination of both I encourage you to remember and exercise the following…
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The hot summer months can be a challenging time for highly sensitive people (HSPs). Though it’s only spring, those of us who are sensitive to heat are already dreading the increasingly hot days (and nights). With the hot weather and longer days, life can feel extra overwhelming. Even the most seemingly innocuous activities can leave you feeling overwhelmed and drained. Here are some tips for coping with rising temperatures as an HSP:
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We all experience grief at different points in our lives and in various layers and complexities. When a loved one dies, there’s the obvious gut-wrenching grief that can feel all-consuming. If we move away, there’s the loss of proximity to friends and the community we’ve built plus the loss of the familiar - our home, routines, places we frequent - that can all bring grief, even if it arrives in conjunction with excitement and hope for the future. We also feel grief when relationships end, whether it’s a friendship that comes to a close or a break-up of a romantic relationship, all those same waves of denial, sadness, anger, bargaining, and acceptance may come up again and again as we adjust to how life is different and what we miss about that relationship.
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We live in a very polarized culture. In the U.S., popular discourse seems to be dominated by overly simplistic descriptions of complex situations and people. Who among us has been glad we were not the ones being called out or criticized online? Perhaps we've even participated in criticizing others for being "toxic" or some other popular term for people we despise.
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I often hear the frustration and sadness and defeat in the voices of highly sensitive people (HSP) when they share how they become more emotional, overwhelmed, shut down, or worn out in situations that don’t seem to affect other people. This difference can make HSPs feel like outsiders, like there must be something wrong with them because they are “abnormal” compared to everyone around them.
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There are many factors to consider when thinking about teen substance use, such as which substances are being used, the environment in which they are used, frequency, and possibly most importantly, the reason they are being used. All of these factors are interrelated and thus must be considered together when trying to understand substance use. For the purposes of this blog however, the focus will be on understanding why teens may use substances and how this impacts development.
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"I just want to be able to cope better." I hear it all the time. Sometimes, coping is desirable and beneficial but when is it unhealthy to "cope"?
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Being highly sensitive definitely has its ups and downs. In a culture that often devalues vulnerability, we can get the message that sensitivity is undesirable or “weak” and we should try our best to suppress it. But as I always say, there are two sides to everything. Let’s look at the other side of the coin and see if it can help us to appreciate our sensitivity.
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Have you noticed a shift in your teens' day-to-day routine and mood? Getting them out the door for school may feel like the same battle each morning as they tearfully beg you to let them stay home again. You may have noticed your teen is increasingly holed up in their room uninterested in hanging out with friends or more reluctant than usual to join the family. Or maybe you’ve heard your frustrated teen complain about being unable to get to sleep, furthering the challenge of getting them moving in the morning. These behaviors may be signs of underlying anxiety that leave you feeling helpless and desperate for solutions to help get your child feeling like themselves again. If so, here are a few tools for supporting your teen through anxiety…
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