When Coping Is Unhealthy
Ivy Griffin
"I just want to be able to cope better." I hear it all the time. Sometimes, coping is desirable and beneficial but when is it unhealthy to "cope"?
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This blog is written by a therapist in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of kids, teens and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves. There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!
Appreciating Our Sensitivity
Ivy Griffin
Being highly sensitive definitely has its ups and downs. In a culture that often devalues vulnerability, we can get the message that sensitivity is undesirable or “weak” and we should try our best to suppress it. But as I always say, there are two sides to everything. Let’s look at the other side of the coin and see if it can help us to appreciate our sensitivity.
Read MoreSupporting my Teen with Anxiety
Ivy Griffin
Have you noticed a shift in your teens' day-to-day routine and mood? Getting them out the door for school may feel like the same battle each morning as they tearfully beg you to let them stay home again. You may have noticed your teen is increasingly holed up in their room uninterested in hanging out with friends or more reluctant than usual to join the family. Or maybe you’ve heard your frustrated teen complain about being unable to get to sleep, furthering the challenge of getting them moving in the morning. These behaviors may be signs of underlying anxiety that leave you feeling helpless and desperate for solutions to help get your child feeling like themselves again. If so, here are a few tools for supporting your teen through anxiety…
Read More6 Tips for Navigating Difficult Times in a Long Marriage
Ivy Griffin
Navigating difficult times in a marriage can be one of the most challenging and complex tasks any couple will ever face. With more than 20 years together, couples must contend with an array of issues such as intimacy, personality changes, kids & grandkids, active vs inactive lifestyle and much more that arise over time. It can be hard to devise answers for these predicaments, yet it is attainable if you have the right resources and information at your disposal. In this article, we'll explore 6 tips for navigating difficult times in a long marriage; from finding common ground with your spouse to exploring different forms of therapy that may help bring back connection between two partners who've been married for many years.
Read MoreThe Bravery in Breaking Up, Part 3 - The “Now What?”
Ivy Griffin
It’s over…Well, at least the logistical act of “breaking up” has occurred. Making the decision was tough enough, and actually enacting that decision was perhaps even harder, but nothing really feels “over” about the huge transition you’re facing right now. You may have expected to feel relieved or empowered, but the initial rush of getting what you thought would be the hard part out of the way has faded and left you with uncertainty. Is there a best way to grieve a relationship? How does one effectively move on? In other words: “Now what??”
Read MoreParenting while being an HSP: A Survival Guide
Ivy Griffin
What are some of the characteristics of HSPs? We don't like loud noises, making mistakes, we need reassurance, are easily startled, it takes us longer to adjust to significant life changes, we feel overwhelmed when there’s a lot going on at once, and other’s moods deeply affect us. We also have strong emotional attunement and empathy. We care more! Being a parent means there’s constant chaos, rushing, less time for basic needs like eating/sleeping/bathing much, limited time for self-care, huge changes, hourly and persistent loud noises. When challenges are not addressed, this can lead to emotional reactivity, guilt, struggles with anxiety/depression, feeling lonely/disconnected and low self-value.
Read MoreChanneling Your Confidence Era
Ivy Griffin
Throughout my time in this field, more specifically through my work with teens over the years, I have come to notice the most cyclical struggle that continues to emerge as time goes on is lack of confidence. I tend to see a lot of over-caring what people think in conjunction with wanting to impress others. That being said, I thought I’d take this time to first share what I think are contributing factors to this (sometimes lifelong) dilemma, as well as some tips and tricks on what I feel have been most useful in getting teens out of that funk.
Read MoreHow Judgment & Avoidance Can Lead to Overwhelm
Ivy Griffin
Do you experience cycles of emotional overwhelm? Does it feel like things will be running relatively smoothly and then all-of-a-sudden you’re slammed with anxiety and overwhelm and spend the next few days or weeks trying to recover? You might be thinking “Why can’t I just be normal all the time?” Well I’d like to offer some perspective on what might be contributing to this cycle and how you might break it.
Read MoreReducing Anxiety & Disappointment Through Self-Compassion
Ivy Griffin
“What’s wrong with me?!” “This should be easier!” “I shouldn’t feel this way!” Sound familiar? Even if you’re not aware that you tell yourself these things, you might be familiar with the feelings they bring up: frustration, exasperation, anxiety, disappointment, hopelessness. They all share the same basic belief – I am not good enough. When we struggle, sometimes we’re hard on ourselves for struggling; we want to rush through uncomfortable feelings and be done with them! Little do we know, our effort to rid ourselves of these uncomfortable feelings might be making them more intense!
Read MoreYou're Not Alone
Ivy Griffin
I often hear from highly sensitive people (HSPs) how different and alone they feel. “I’m too sensitive,” “I need to grow a thicker skin,” “Why can’t I just let it go like everyone else?” are common refrains. Such beliefs often stem from a lifetime of conscious and unconscious messages from well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning people about how there’s something wrong with the way you are. And, the reality is--highly sensitive people are not the norm. We know this because research has found that 15-20% of people in any given population in any given culture carry the personality trait of being highly sensitive.
Read MoreIs my teen depressed?
Ivy Griffin
You realize that your teen has been spending even more time alone in their room lately. You practically have to drag them out for dinner, and you’ve given up on wishing they would just voluntarily play on their phone in the den, much less actually hang out with the family. Perhaps they’re doing distance learning, but why do they insist on always being in their room? When you ask how they are, you get a shrug and “fine” as they walk away. You notice they haven’t asked to get together with friends lately either. When you do see your kid, they always seem so low energy and tired.
Read MoreBalancing Your Needs With Others'
Ivy Griffin
Do you ever feel like everybody needs something from you and all you want is time to yourself? Do you try to take time for yourself but struggle with guilt or worry about “neglecting” others? Finding the balance between our needs and others’ can be a struggle. Many of us have received messages from the time we were young to do as we’re told, that being “good” is saying “yes” to everyone, and that prioritizing ourselves is selfish. How can we be there for others without losing our minds? And how can we prioritize ourselves without feeling selfish.
Read MoreCaring for Our Sensitivity During the Holidays
Ivy Griffin
Don't get me wrong; I like the holidays. Or at least most of what the holidays are about. But sometimes they can be somewhat overwhelming. I like Christmas music, but hearing it everywhere 24/7 for two months is too much for me. I also like holiday parties. But seven family gatherings, five friend parties and three work shebangs in one month can weigh me down.
Read MoreBalancing Leniency and Strictness
Ivy Griffin
I don’t have to tell you that being a parent or support person to a teen is HARD work! Teens are in such a unique stage developmentally--not quite an adult but not quite a child either (although you may beg to disagree at times ;) ). They’re developing the capacity to question, explore, and generate their own ideas and beliefs about the world while their growing brains can cause them to crave intensity (loud music, new experiences) and be highly emotional and impulsive. It can be a tricky combination!
Read MoreWe Can't Control Others' Behavior
Ivy Griffin
The idea that we can and should control everything isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Having control may be presented as "empowering” but it also sends the message that we’re failures if we can’t control something. For example, self-help programs that claim you can improve your relationships through being more assertive may be well-intentioned but unless they're saying "being more assertive may improve your relationships with certain people", they might be inadvertently feeding into the idea that you're responsible for the way others behave toward you. Others’ behavior is not something we can control yet we’re sometimes led to believe we can make others treat us better and that it's our fault when they treat us poorly.