Balancing Your Needs With Others'
Ivy Griffin
Do you ever feel like everybody needs something from you and all you want is time to yourself? Do you try to take time for yourself but struggle with guilt or worry about “neglecting” others? Finding the balance between our needs and others’ can be a struggle. Many of us have received messages from the time we were young to do as we’re told, that being “good” is saying “yes” to everyone, and that prioritizing ourselves is selfish. How can we be there for others without losing our minds? And how can we prioritize ourselves without feeling selfish?
Adjusting your priorities to be more manageable can be a challenging process but highly rewarding. Here are some tips you can try today to feel more centered amidst the chaos.
Challenge the belief “I must be everything for everyone” – This belief is so old and so popular that it may seem like the thing to do but it’s completely unrealistic and extremely unhealthy, leading to constant disappointment and anxiety about anticipating others’ needs. Practice telling yourself, “My value comes from within, not how useful I am to others.”
Practice setting aside undivided time for yourself – Start small with 5 minutes a day, shut off your phone, breathe deeply, close your eyes, or be in nature. Remind yourself “Everyone can survive without me for 5 minutes”. Practice this for several weeks. When you feel ready, increase your time by another 5 minutes and so on.
Practice pausing before you answer others’ requests – We overschedule when we’re stressed and disconnected from ourselves. Sometimes we say “yes” when we’re really thinking “I just want you to leave me alone.” In order to make sure we’re only saying “yes” when we actually mean it, practice taking one full breath in and out before you answer someone.
Practice saying “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” – Saying “no” can feel daunting so we don’t have to start there. Try a response that buys you some time and maybe gives you the chance to deliver your “no” via text instead of in person. This will also start to create the expectation in yourself and others that you’re not available all the time.
Creating balance in our lives is a practice, not something we achieve and never have to think about again. It requires commitment to: ourselves, sanity, and bringing our best selves to all that we do. It can also be kinda deep. As we start prioritizing ourselves more, it can bring up feelings and beliefs we didn’t know we had. This is why it can be valuable to explore this with a therapist who can offer perspective and support along the way. If you’d like some support creating more balance in your life, don’t be afraid to reach out!
Warmly,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT#129032
Therapist and Program Manager
Thrive Therapy and Counseling
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda
916-287-3430