Is my teen depressed?
Ivy Griffin
You realize that your teen has been spending even more time alone in their room lately. You practically have to drag them out for dinner, and you’ve given up on wishing they would just voluntarily play on their phone in the den, much less actually hang out with the family. Perhaps they’re doing distance learning, but why do they insist on always being in their room? When you ask how they are, you get a shrug and “fine” as they walk away. You notice they haven’t asked to get together with friends lately either. When you do see your kid, they always seem so low energy and tired.
All of the above could be symptoms of depression. It can be confusing and hard to figure out what is going on with your teen because even in the best of times, teens tend to spend A LOT of time in their rooms. They also tend not to talk very much with their parents about how they’re feeling or what’s going on. Add to that the seemingly ever-increasing amount of time we spend staring at screens. It can all leave you wondering, “Is this just a phase or something more?”
Here are some things to consider that don’t always come to mind about depression:
Depression can be triggered by situational factors. A bad break-up, overwhelm about school or the future, even a falling out with a friend can sometimes trigger a full blown depressive episode for teens. Certainly, having their lives turned upside down by the pandemic may have been a trigger. Even if your teen may be depressed because of a specific situation, it’s key to remember that the symptoms they’re experiencing (sadness, apathy, numbness, low energy, being unmotivated and exhausted, overeating or undereating, feeling down on or hating themselves, maybe thinking about hurting themselves) can be serious and feel utterly overwhelming to them. Teens don’t yet have the life experience to fully understand how situations change and how these feelings may pass. This is where your support or the help of a professional can be really beneficial.
An episode of Major Depression only requires that the symptoms occur most of the time for at least 2 weeks. I don’t know about you, but sometimes 2 weeks pass in a flash for me. It can feel like no time at all. However, when someone is depressed, that same 2 weeks can be excruciating. The simplest tasks like getting out of bed (even after getting tons of sleep) or dragging themselves into the shower can feel like monumental obstacles and can make each day feel impossible. So, if you’re concerned your teen is depressed, it’s best to respond as soon as you notice.
Depression happens on a physiological level. For anyone who has not personally experienced depression, it can be easy to say, “Fake it til you make it,” or “Just choose to be happy today,” or “You’re not even trying.” But, for someone with depression, this can feel impossible. People who have been depressed describe it as being completely weighted down or feeling like they’re moving through quicksand. There’s an absolute heaviness that is exhausting. They stop caring about pretty much anything, and it’s hard to see any hope for the future. Their body may suddenly want to sleep 12 hours a day and still feel tired, or they may stay awake into the wee hours struggling with insomnia. They may feel hungry all the time and binge on junk food, or they might lose their appetite and honestly forget to eat. Additionally, there are actual physiological chemical changes in neurotransmitters and hormones that accompany depression. So, it’s helpful to remember that depression is truly felt and experienced in the body, and often, a simple mindset shift is not enough to address it.
Okay, now take a long, slow deep breath for yourself. Breath in through your nose, counting to 4, and out through your mouth, counting down from 4. It can be intense and scary to talk about depression, especially if you’re worried that your kid is dealing with this. Even so, I believe it’s important to talk about the realities of depression because there can be a lot of misinformation and confusion in our society about what it really means.
If you are concerned that your teen is depressed, take some simple steps:
Talk to them. Express your concern. But, don’t badger or nag. Let them know you’re worried, and you’re there for them, if they want to talk. If they do talk about how they’re feeling, stop everything else and really listen.
Suggest that they talk with a therapist or doctor. (Or, if you’re pretty concerned, tell them that you want them to.) Offer to look up a mental health professional together to find someone they think they might like. If they’re resistant, explain that they can try just one appointment and see how it goes. It helps teens to feel like they have control over what’s happening.
Trust your gut. If you are ever worried that your teen is going to hurt themselves, please don’t hesitate to call a crisis line for support, or just take your teen to the hospital. Any emergency room will have a social worker who can assess your teen’s safety. And, there are some great local and national resources who can help:
Sacramento Crisis line: 916-875-1055
National Suicide Prevention: 988
Text HOME to 741741.
Turning Point Mental Health Walk-In Clinic: 916-520-2460
We can get through these tough times together, especially when we support one another. And, if you or your teen is needing some of that extra support, we’re here for you.
Take good care,
Ivy
Ivy Griffin, LMFT # 51714, Director
she/hers
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
Thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
916-287-3430
hello@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com