Caring for Our Sensitivity During the Holidays
Ivy Griffin
Don't get me wrong; I like the holidays. Or at least most of what the holidays are about. But sometimes they can be somewhat overwhelming. I like Christmas music, but hearing it everywhere 24/7 for two months is too much for me. I also like holiday parties. But seven family gatherings, five friend parties and three work shebangs in one month can weigh me down.
If you are highly sensitive, remember that you are not only taking in the amount of stimuli that the next person is, but you're also taking in quite a bit more. It might take this much hype to get the attention of the average emotionally numb zombie, but for you, they got your attention at "It's December!" Yup. Got it. You are probably more aware of all the details, each tiny sound, each flicker of light, many emotions and needs of anyone around you.
So in order to take care of yourself – 'cause remember if you forgot – you are just as worthy of your time and attention as everyone else is. And it's ok, and even important, to take care of yourself more than you do others sometimes. So I invite you to pace yourself. As invitations start turning up, let yourself take some time to think about each one and decide consciously whether you will go or not. Which are most important to you (rather than to someone else)? Which ones will bring you the most joy? Which do you really have time for, without abandoning your own needs? Take yourself into consideration as you make your plans. You may want to hang onto that trip to the gym or daily walk. You may need your time for meditation or other alone time. I invite you to give yourself that gift.
I also invite you to take time to rest: notice when you are tired – emotionally as well as physically. So often we push ourselves to keep going and don't listen to that inner voice saying "hey, you…HEY YOU!! I'm done, all outta steam…" Allow yourself the deliciousness of turning off the lights and taking a nap. Even 10-15 minutes can be so restorative.
And to re-state the obvious, if crowds of people and long lines are overstimulating, shop online. Some online venues even have the option of holiday gift wrap. Book stores are also a good option as they tend to be quieter, have fewer shoppers and less blinking and bling, but also many extras along with the books
As a highly sensitive person, you may have a tendency to think you have to do something extra special just to think you've done enough. Remember that it's ok not to always go all out. You might consider picking up a veggie plate at the grocery store to take to that gathering, or a sweet treat from the market bakery instead of making it yourself. This might not only save time, but also peace of mind.
And this may be most important of all: if you do get over-stimulated, overwhelmed or crabby, it's ok. You are human, and it happens to all of us. Remember self-compassion, whether pre-emptively or after a build-up of stress. As the 13th-century Persian poet Rumi said, "Come, come yet again." If you get off of your own course, you can always come back. Know that you did not get overwhelmed on purpose, or make a snippy remark because you don't care. The holidays can be fun, but they can also be draining. This is because we have needs. Sometimes our society forgets this fact of nature. As we bustle around, we can also take a few moments to notice our inner condition. Using Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent or Compassionate Communication, we can ask ourselves, "What emotion or physical sensation am I feeling?" It could be frustration, tension, sadness, anxiety. Our feelings point to natural human needs, so we can ask ourselves "What need do I have that is not being met?" Maybe it is a need for connection, belonging, or for peace, quiet, autonomy. Then we might think of some steps to take to meet our own needs. We can also take time to notice when someone or something brings us joy, pleasure, or a sense of awe. As we notice, we can take several deep breaths, breathing the feeling deeply into our body and psyche, integrating this sense of connection between our insides and our outside.
Warmly,
Judy Thornhill, LMFT #45705
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/judy-thornhill