1614 X St., Suite A
Sacramento, CA 95818
US
916-287-3430
ivy@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
Thrive Therapy & Counseling provides high quality therapy to Highly Sensitive People and to kids, teens or adults struggling with anxiety, depression or self-esteem.
This blog is written by a therapist in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of kids, teens and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves. There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!
What does it mean to “be strong”? When you think of that phrase, what images spring to mind? You might picture someone who is physically strong, someone who is unemotional or stoic, or someone who is able to take on a lot and physically do many tasks or activities. But this is not the only type of strength there is and might not even be the healthiest.
Read MoreAs HSPs, we can pick up on subtleties in our environments and the feelings of others. We may have received reinforcement from our families or the wider cultures we grew up in for being able to anticipate the needs, feelings, and desires of others. We may have even been punished in some way for not knowing others’ needs and living up to their expectations. All of this to say that we can often feel flooded by the noise of others’ needs and priorities in the form of what I like to call “static”.
Read MoreThis article is based on the concepts of negative versus positive attribution bias. Attribution bias as a theory is very complex and has more nuance and depth than this post is able to cover. Instead, we will take a closer look at specifically how this phenomenon of human psychology plays itself out in relationships, specifically between parents and their teens.
Read MoreDespite our best efforts to be rational and reasonable thinkers, many of us fall into the trap of thinking mistakes, also known as cognitive distortions. There are a number of common cognitive distortions that most people make, one of them being Black and White / All-or-Nothing Thinking. This is when you believe that only one thing can be true to the exclusion of all else. It’s believing that there is only one truth and leaving no space for other options, opinions, or thoughts.
Read MoreAs HSPs, we may feel as though the world is constantly acting upon us, like we have no control over anything and we’re completely overwhelmed. When we’re highly attuned to our environment and the people around us, there is a lot of information coming in on a regular basis. That’s why it is so important for people who are highly sensitive to use the tools at our disposal to create a sense of balance and satisfaction in our lives.
Read MoreLately, in my personal and professional life, I have noticed a common theme. What I have noticed is how hard it can be to make the transition from having a child in the home to having one out of the home. I wanted to create a guide to assist “empty nesters” with living a full life after their child has moved out. If you have been able to raise an independent child, that is a sign that you have found some success as a parent! Unfortunately, after celebrating this milestone many parents are left wondering what to do without kids around.
Read MoreAs we move along in therapy and begin exploring some of the possible contributors to challenges we face, it can feel like we see patterns everywhere! We may think, “I’ve been handling things the same way forever!” “Will I ever be able to change?” “I’m turning out just like my parents!” No worries! This is a super common feeling to have and it does NOT mean you’re doomed to repeat the past.
Read MoreIt’s all well and good to bust out your arsenal of coping tools when you’re already overwhelmed, but how do we lessen our chances of being overwhelmed in the first place?
As HSPs, our urges to please others, make their lives easier, and keep things calm can be quite strong. We will do almost anything to maintain peace and harmony in our environment. But sometimes this can come at the expense of our own well-being and we find ourselves exhausted, stressed out and depleted.
With Summer moving swiftly towards a new school year, many parents are faced with the inevitability of their child leaving home and taking another step towards independence and adulthood . Some may be going to college locally or far away, some may be moving out with friends, working more hours, or traveling. Whatever life changes your family is experiencing during this time, there is a shift that will begin to happen for families during this period that is important to acknowledge. For the past eighteen or so years, a parent's focus has been on attending to the needs of the family, their children, and themselves. In the next month or two, a very distinct shift occurs for many families when a young adult leaves home. For those of you not in this boat yet, remember that days are long and years are short, and this moment will be upon you soon enough!
Read MoreA few years ago someone close to me, knowing I was a therapist, approached me hesitantly. They shared that they had been seeing a therapist for a while and noted that they felt frustrated and confused. They felt like they had been trying to make it work, but noted that it felt like therapy wasn’t working and wondered if there was something wrong with them or if they had a bad therapist.
After some discussion it became clear that part of the problem was that the therapist's theoretical orientation and the goals and personality of the person close to me didn’t align well, which is normal and can occur.
So what do you do when a therapist isn’t a good fit?
The first step is self reflection;
How many times have you met the therapist? Sometimes we can tell early on that something isn’t right for us and that’s okay, however sometimes we get so anxious that we self sabotage and find excuses as to why we should just give up on therapy. Trust your instincts,but also give your therapist a fair chance, therapists aren’t miracle workers and sometimes we need more than one session to really connect with a client.
Have you made efforts to implement skills and tools recommended and have you been honest with your therapist when they asked? If the answer is no, then it’s important to look at what stopped you from using the tools they provided (did the tools make you uncomfortable, did it feel like too much work, was it impractical for your life, et cetera) and have an honest conversation with your therapist. They may be able to tweak tools to better suit your needs, or find resources that are a better fit. Therapists aren’t mind readers if you don’t communicate with us we have to operate on incomplete information which can lead to lackluster results.
Have you tried discussing the issue with the therapist? If you have repeatedly discussed the issue with your therapist, and have made active efforts to participate and engage and you still feel like nothing is changing then it is well within your rights to look for a therapist who will be a better fit and meet your needs. However if you have never had the courage to broach the subject with your therapist then I highly recommend that you make an effort to talk with them about the issue. They may have been unaware of the issue, and able to adjust their approach to better suit your needs.
The next step is to sit down with the therapist and have an open and honest conversation about your concerns.
As long as you communicate and express yourself respectfully, a good therapist will understand if you feel that they aren’t the right fit, and they may even be able to help connect you with a therapist who is more in line with your needs, or help you better identify what kind of support you are looking for.
And remember just because a therapist wasn’t the right fit for you, doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t the right fit for someone else.
Warmly,
Megan Bell, LMFT # 114303
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
1614 X St., Suite A
Sacramento, CA, 95818
916-287-3430
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
As HSPs, we may spend a significant amount of energy managing our day-to-day lives. Work, home responsibilities, social interactions, and running errands can leave us feeling drained and like we need lots of time to recuperate. This can be tough when we live in a society that values productivity and activity over rest and rejuvenation. It’s easy for self-judgment about what we “ought” to be doing to creep in.
This self-judgment can manifest as a sense of “I’m not doing enough”, “I’m so lazy”, or “What’s wrong with me that I can’t do more?” When these messages are the ones playing loudest and most often in our heads, they interrupt the time we need to recuperate and make it so we can never fully relax. They can also put pressure on our social interactions which can lead them to feel strained or tense. In the end, our self-judgment drains us of even more energy so that we’re not only left feeling exhausted, we feel bad about ourselves as well.
So what can we do?
Recognize where this self-judgment comes from -- We learn these messages and we can unlearn them with time and practice. They may reflect the values of the wider society and/or our peers and family. But do they represent our values? At the end of the day, we’re the ones that must live in our own heads so we must think about the way we talk to ourselves.
Try challenging these messages with questions like “Are all societal/familial values healthy?” or “How does it impact me to buy into this mindset?” or “Who stands to benefit from me buying into the belief that I need to be productive to be valued?”
Start replacing these messages with more realistic and compassionate ones like “Adequate rest is essential to my ability to function at my best.” or “Just because rest and rejuvenation were not valued in my family, doesn’t mean they aren’t valuable and healthy.” and “Taking time to myself helps me to be more available and engaged when I do have to/choose to interact with others.”
Over time, we can begin to build the type of acceptance we need to be more compassionate and understanding towards ourselves and others. When we honor and respect our own boundaries and needs, we bring that to our relationships and interactions as well. With practice, we may start to find that we’re better able to find balance in our lives and finally let go of the self-judgment that’s been holding us back.
Initiating and maintaining these types of practices can be difficult -- don’t be afraid to reach out for support! The therapists at Thrive are here to help.
Best wishes,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, AMFT #99821
she/hers
Supervised by Ivy Griffin, LMFT #51714
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
916-287-3430
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda
In theory, saying the simple word of NO is a piece of cake, two-year-olds do it all the time. However, many of us struggle with refusing a request and end up saying yes while quietly wishing we could just say no. There are many reasons that saying no can feel uncomfortable or difficult: we may worry about upsetting or offending someone, we might feel guilty, we might also feel as though we are being selfish.
Read MoreDo you often find yourself exhausted but you feel as though you haven’t done very much? Are there times during the day when you feel like your head is buzzing and you just want to press PAUSE on the entire world? You may be suffering from sensory overload.
Read MoreFor this article I will focus on a topic that for many parents can be exciting, turbulent, and sometimes sad and conflicting. While we know that the goal of raising children is to prepare them for adulthood, this transition can feel like a mixed bag at times. Even if your child is living at home after graduation, there is often a shift in tone, routine, and expectations that can be stressful for all involved.
Read MoreIn my last blog, I introduced the concept of validation which is about hearing and understanding another person and letting them know that you get it. We do not have to agree with someone to validate them and we do not want to validate the invalid. For example: If someone felt so angry they punched a hole in the wall, I would not validate the action of punching the hole in the wall, I would validate the fact that the person was angry. When at a loss for how/what to validate in a situation, try to identify the emotion or feeling someone is experiencing and validate this. Emotions are always valid, what we do with them may or may not be valid.
Read More