“I get caught in these thought spirals and can’t get out.” “I obsess about all the things that could go wrong.” “I feel paralyzed and can’t take a step in any direction because I’m afraid of making the wrong decision.” Ugh! Anxious thoughts can be so exhausting! They can keep us up at night and weigh us down so much it feels difficult to move. How do we get unstuck and find relief?
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“What if I mess up?” “What if I can’t handle this situation?” “What if I’m rejected?” Phew! Thinking about all the “What-ifs” can be EXHAUSTING! It’s like our fears and insecurities are tapping on our shoulders saying “Hey, HEY, HEY!!!”. They want our attention and won’t let up until we find some way of addressing the issue or some other way to escape. The problem is, escaping or avoiding the what-ifs often prolongs our anxiety and may even cause it to build. How do we find relief?
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“I feel like I don’t do enough to be as tired as I am”. “I did nothing all weekend and I’m still exhausted!” “Why do I need so much rest?” Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Many people are frustrated and confused by how depleted they continue to feel after down-time. They want to feel more energized and refreshed but can’t seem to get the restorative rest they need. Let’s look at why that might be!
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We live in a very polarized culture. In the U.S., popular discourse seems to be dominated by overly simplistic descriptions of complex situations and people. Who among us has been glad we were not the ones being called out or criticized online? Perhaps we've even participated in criticizing others for being "toxic" or some other popular term for people we despise.
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"I just want to be able to cope better." I hear it all the time. Sometimes, coping is desirable and beneficial but when is it unhealthy to "cope"?
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Being highly sensitive definitely has its ups and downs. In a culture that often devalues vulnerability, we can get the message that sensitivity is undesirable or “weak” and we should try our best to suppress it. But as I always say, there are two sides to everything. Let’s look at the other side of the coin and see if it can help us to appreciate our sensitivity.
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Do you experience cycles of emotional overwhelm? Does it feel like things will be running relatively smoothly and then all-of-a-sudden you’re slammed with anxiety and overwhelm and spend the next few days or weeks trying to recover? You might be thinking “Why can’t I just be normal all the time?” Well I’d like to offer some perspective on what might be contributing to this cycle and how you might break it.
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“What’s wrong with me?!” “This should be easier!” “I shouldn’t feel this way!” Sound familiar? Even if you’re not aware that you tell yourself these things, you might be familiar with the feelings they bring up: frustration, exasperation, anxiety, disappointment, hopelessness. They all share the same basic belief – I am not good enough. When we struggle, sometimes we’re hard on ourselves for struggling; we want to rush through uncomfortable feelings and be done with them! Little do we know, our effort to rid ourselves of these uncomfortable feelings might be making them more intense!
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Do you ever feel like everybody needs something from you and all you want is time to yourself? Do you try to take time for yourself but struggle with guilt or worry about “neglecting” others? Finding the balance between our needs and others’ can be a struggle. Many of us have received messages from the time we were young to do as we’re told, that being “good” is saying “yes” to everyone, and that prioritizing ourselves is selfish. How can we be there for others without losing our minds? And how can we prioritize ourselves without feeling selfish.
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Imagine that you’re at a party or gathering at a friend’s house. As a highly sensitive person, you may have felt some anxiety or dread about going to the party and having to make small talk. Some of the folks in attendance are friends, and you gravitate toward talking to them. But, you notice a couple of people who hang back and don’t seem to know many others. Your empathy kicks in, and you decide to go chat with them to help them feel more welcome. While you’re talking, another person or two joins in the conversation and brings up a political issue you care about deeply. As you passionately discuss the matter, you add in how you cannot understand anyone who thinks otherwise. The person you initially approached quietly says, “I disagree” and wanders away.
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Do you ever feel frustrated when you're trying to figure out where the voice of your inner critic came from? Or why it's so strong? Perhaps your therapist has even asked you this in sessions and you repeatedly draw a blank. This can be so frustrating when we're trying to make sense of things and find some relief.
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The Tower. One of the most feared images and archetypes in the Tarot. A symbol of significant, profound change, often unwanted and unexpected. The kind of change that might invite symptoms that meet criteria for an adjustment disorder. Debilitating sadness, grief, fear, dread, anger, confusion. All difficult feelings we might experience with a life altering moment such as a death, a trauma, divorce, eviction, a traumatic injury, or job loss. When we are in the throes of The Tower, it can be difficult to see which way is up and which way is down. It requires a certain kind of surrender as these walls come crashing down, for resisting this change would only lead to injury or destruction.
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Ever notice that taking responsibility can feel scary sometimes? Like you'd rather let someone else make decisions for you? Or maybe you avoid taking control of your finances because you feel bad at math or you feel ashamed you don't know more about budgeting. Perhaps you leave everything up to the universe and hope for the best while fearing the worst. You are NOT alone!
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For people who identify as highly sensitive or empathic, intense embarrassment and shame might be particularly difficult experiences. Making a mistake can be followed by intense physical sensations and emotions: your face gets hot, your heart rate spikes, and sometimes you may even want to disappear. While this is normal and might even feel manageable for some, people who are highly sensitive may struggle to recover from these feelings. It can be such a shock to the system that they may ruminate for hours or days on the incident that led them to feel this way, trying to understand what happened or worse, being hard on themselves about it.
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The act of ending a romantic relationship is often painful even in the most amicable of circumstances, and finally coming to the decision to do so can be an extremely confusing process. Many people, understandably, have significant anxiety and trepidation about breaking up. How do you know when it’s the right time? How do you actually do it? What about all the “what ifs”?
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