The Tower: Embrace Change and Surrender

The Tower. One of the most feared images and archetypes in the Tarot.  A symbol of significant, profound change, often unwanted and unexpected. The kind of change that might invite symptoms that meet criteria for an adjustment disorder. Debilitating sadness, grief, fear, dread, anger, confusion. All difficult feelings we might experience with a life altering moment such as a death, a trauma, divorce, eviction, a traumatic injury, or job loss. When we are in the throes of The Tower, it can be difficult to see which way is up and which way is down. It requires a certain kind of surrender as these walls come crashing down, for resisting this change would only lead to injury or destruction. 

When we look at the images on this Major Arcana card we see a tower on fire, a crown flying through the air, and humans leaping out smoky windows to something hopefully safer than their current situation, for if these humans were to stay in the tower and resist this change they will become burned alive or buried in the rubble of destruction. Like I said, this change is often unwanted or unexpected, but sometimes it is very much needed in order to see our life anew and to cultivate a new sense of self with a foundation that aligns with our needs, our values, and our authenticity. 

I once experienced a tower moment in my life the week before my in-person interview for graduate school to become a therapist. Leading up to this moment, I myself–as I am human–had been experiencing self-doubt, some insecurities and anxiousness regarding my worth and whether I was cut out to pursue my goals. Graduate school was not something that members of my family did. On this particular day before my interview, I was riding my bike home from work, something I did daily back then. I was on Valencia Street in San Francisco, crossing Duboce when a white 90's sedan turned left without yielding, not seeing me nor waiting for me to cross even though I was already cruising 2/3rds of the way into the street. There was no time for me to stop or brace myself. Had I tried to avoid this crash I would have surely faced a near-death experience or been severely injured. In this moment a voice from within my higher self said, “let go of your bike and roll onto the hood of the car” and so I did. I let go of my bike, hurled my body forward and rolled onto the hood. For a moment, time suspended. I didn’t know which way was up or down and it felt like I was flying through the air. I opened my eyes mid-flight and saw my feet flying over my head. I closed my eyes again and suddenly I found myself on the asphalt, first my legs, then my back and finally the back of my head. I wasn’t wearing a helmet that day and luckily my legs and back cushioned the fall. I walked a way with a black and blue arm, my bike totaled and a bump on my head. It was scary as shit. 

I took inventory of my body. I was so shaken up that I wasn’t certain if I was fine or if I was just experiencing adrenaline. I sat on the curb of Valencia in awe of what I had accomplished and wondering wtf just happened while an onlooker walked over with my totaled bike. I waited there until my nerves subsided and I realized that I just did something superhuman. I realized that I knew exactly how to take care of myself and protect myself during one of the scarier moments of my life. For the first time in my life I experienced total trust and belief in myself. This experience, while traumatic, shifted the way in which I viewed myself. I surely did not want to get hit by a car that day, nor ever, but I did and it helped me realize that I was capable, that I could trust in myself and enter scary situations with confidence. 

I had to take some time off work due to some residual pain. I got a new bike out of the ordeal. But I also went to my graduate school interview knowing that regardless of what happened I was going to be ok, that I am capable of caring for myself, trusting in myself and believing in myself.  Sometimes life gives us situations where we feel like we must hold on for dear life in order to survive but the only thing we can do is surrender to keep on living. When we are faced with cataclysmic shifts that feel beyond our control and know will change us forever, trying to control it is futile. It will only lead to perpetuated pain, fear, and anxiety. Sometimes we have to abandon ship when the walls come crashing down. We must  make use of the rubble from our destruction and make new self discoveries when all the dust has cleared.  

Best,

Danielle Kardum, LMFT #114847

https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/danielle-kardum

916-287-3430