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Sacramento, CA 95818
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916-287-3430

Thrive Therapy & Counseling provides high quality therapy to Highly Sensitive People and to kids, teens or adults struggling with anxiety, depression or self-esteem.

Blog

This blog is written by a therapist in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of kids, teens and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves.  There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!

How We Self-Sabotage With Self-Judgment

Ivy Griffin

As HSPs, we may spend a significant amount of energy managing our day-to-day lives. Work, home responsibilities, social interactions, and running errands can leave us feeling drained and like we need lots of time to recuperate. This can be tough when we live in a society that values productivity and activity over rest and rejuvenation. It’s easy for self-judgment about what we “ought” to be doing to creep in. 

This self-judgment can manifest as a sense of “I’m not doing enough”, “I’m so lazy”, or “What’s wrong with me that I can’t do more?” When these messages are the ones playing loudest and most often in our heads, they interrupt the time we need to recuperate and make it so we can never fully relax. They can also put pressure on our social interactions which can lead them to feel strained or tense. In the end, our self-judgment drains us of even more energy so that we’re not only left feeling exhausted, we feel bad about ourselves as well. 

So what can we do? 

  • Recognize where this self-judgment comes from -- We learn these messages and we can unlearn them with time and practice. They may reflect the values of the wider society and/or our peers and family. But do they represent our values? At the end of the day, we’re the ones that must live in our own heads so we must think about the way we talk to ourselves. 

  • Try challenging these messages with questions like “Are all societal/familial values healthy?” or “How does it impact me to buy into this mindset?” or “Who stands to benefit from me buying into the belief that I need to be productive to be valued?”

  • Start replacing these messages with more realistic and compassionate ones like “Adequate rest is essential to my ability to function at my best.” or “Just because rest and rejuvenation were not valued in my family, doesn’t mean they aren’t valuable and healthy.” and “Taking time to myself helps me to be more available and engaged when I do have to/choose to interact with others.”

Over time, we can begin to build the type of acceptance we need to be more compassionate and understanding towards ourselves and others. When we honor and respect our own boundaries and needs, we bring that to our relationships and interactions as well. With practice, we may start to find that we’re better able to find balance in our lives and finally let go of the self-judgment that’s been holding us back. 

Initiating and maintaining these types of practices can be difficult -- don’t be afraid to reach out for support! The therapists at Thrive are here to help.

Best wishes, 

Ileana Arganda-Stevens, AMFT #99821

she/hers

Supervised by Ivy Griffin, LMFT #51714

Thrive Therapy & Counseling

916-287-3430

thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda


categories highly sensitive person, coaching for hsps, self care Sacramento, therapy Sacramento
tags highly sensitive therapist, setting boundaries, self-care, self talk

The Importance of Saying NO

Ivy Griffin

In theory, saying the simple word of NO is a piece of cake, two-year-olds do it all the time. However, many of us struggle with refusing a request and end up saying yes while quietly wishing we could just say no. There are many reasons that saying no can feel uncomfortable or difficult: we may worry about upsetting or offending someone, we might feel guilty, we might also feel as though we are being selfish.

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categories healthy relationships, improve communication, relationships, therapy Sacramento
tags surviving and thriving, assertive communication, setting boundaries, healthy relationships

Graduation and Transitioning to Young Adulthood

Ivy Griffin

For this article I will focus on a topic that for many parents can be exciting, turbulent, and sometimes sad and conflicting. While we know that the goal of raising children is to prepare them for adulthood, this transition can feel like a mixed bag at times. Even if your child is living at home after graduation, there is often a shift in tone, routine, and expectations that can be stressful for all involved.

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categories communicating with teens, improve communication, parenting sacramento, teen mental health
tags child therapist, communication with teens, teen depression, parenting teens

Understanding Validation: Part II

Ivy Griffin

In my last blog, I introduced the concept of validation which is about hearing and understanding another person and letting them know that you get it. We do not have to agree with someone to validate them and we do not want to validate the invalid. For example: If someone felt so angry they punched a hole in the wall, I would not validate the action of punching the hole in the wall, I would validate the fact that the person was angry. When at a loss for how/what to validate in a situation, try to identify the emotion or feeling someone is experiencing and validate this. Emotions are always valid, what we do with them may or may not be valid.

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categories healthy relationships, improve communication
tags surviving and thriving, communication skills, healthy relationships, personal growth

When you wake up worried

Ivy Griffin

Dear sensitive one, do you have those days where you wake up worrying? Like, before you even open your eyes, the worry is taking over? “Ugh, there’s that meeting that I’m dreading.” “I have so much to do; how am I going to get through it all?” “I really wish I could just stay in bed forever.” “How am I going to manage?” Your stomach gets tied in knots or the butterflies take over, and your whole body feels tense before your feet even hit the floor.

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categories highly sensitive person, self care
tags highly sensitive therapist, coping with anxiety, coping with overwhelm, mindfulness

Grief and Loss: It's not just about death - Part 2

Ivy Griffin

For the next installment in this series about grief and adolescents, I want to focus on one of the four tasks that are important to working through the grief/loss process: acknowledgment of the loss. While we typically start with this task, it is important to note that all four tasks may be completed in any order and worked on simultaneously. The process will vary from person to person and loss to loss, so our focus is on guiding ourselves and loved ones through as best we can, instead of focusing on particular milestones in a regimented order.

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categories parenting teens
tags child therapist, teen therapist, help grieving kid, grief in childhood

Understanding Validation

Ivy Griffin

At points in all of our lives, we find ourselves feeling as though other people do not hear or understand us. This can be hugely frustrating and lead to a breakdown in communication where neither side feels as though they are being recognized. In these instances, validation can be incredibly helpful. Below are some skills to help you let people know that you care and are listening, which helps them listen better to you in return.

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categories healthy relationships, improve communication, relationships, therapy Sacramento
tags surviving and thriving, communication skills, improve relationships, self improvement

Utilizing Movement to Manage Overwhelm

Ivy Griffin

Being a highly sensitive person has its benefits and its challenges. You might find that you experience high levels of internal rewards from simple pleasures like the sound of rain against your window, the smell of fresh laundry, or the softness of your favorite worn-out t-shirt. But by the same token, you might also experience extreme overwhelm from what others may consider small disruptions in your environment, the daily news cycle, or even the moods and emotions of others.

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categories HSP therapy, self care, therapy Sacramento
tags highly sensitive therapist, coping skills, managing stress, mind body connection

Oppositonal Behavior In Adolescents

Ivy Griffin

Teens are notorious for testing boundaries and questioning everything their parents tell them. Gone are the days when a little reverse psychology or the old “Guess you aren’t big enough yet...” routine could get them to eat their greens or brush their teeth. Now, they are moody, irritable, nap during the day, and have little interest in getting tasks done on our timeline. My goal for this post is to highlight some possible causes for oppositional behaviors in teens, as well as some ways to approach their defiance differently.

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categories child therapy Sacramento, improve communication, parenting teens, parenting sacramento, teen mental health
tags child therapist, teen boundaries, communication with teens, improve family relationships

How Beliefs and Expectations Influence Our Relationships

Ivy Griffin

As the new year progresses, many of us are reflecting on our relationships and interactions with others. We may feel frustrated by the amount of energy it seems to take to interact with some people. Or perhaps there are certain behaviors that really get under our skin. Whatever the case, we come away from these interactions feeling as though we’ve given our all to be patient, to communicate, and be courteous while others seem to take us for granted.

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categories relationships, live and grow, therapy Sacramento
tags surviving and thriving, improve relationships, relationship patterns

When emotions are too big

Ivy Griffin

Do you have those moments when it feels like your entire body has been taken over by a feeling? When it doesn’t even matter if you know the feeling is out of proportion because it’s such an all-consuming tidal wave that you can’t begin stop it? I imagine most of us HSPs have had and will continue to have these moments—much to our chagrin. We hate them, right? I have that sense of “Wait, seriously?” when it starts to happen. Like, are you kidding me—I’m here—AGAIN?! But, that doesn’t make the tears subside.

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categories therapy Sacramento, therapy, highly sensitive person, coaching for hsps
tags highly sensitive therapist, coping with overwhelm, coping with anxiety, coping with feelings

Grief and Loss: It's Not Just About Death - Part 1

Ivy Griffin

Today I want to introduce one of my favorite topics in therapy. It can often explain so much of our teen’s (and our own) experience, but we don’t always think about it in a broader context. That topic is grief and loss, and not just related to death.

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categories communicating with teens, parenting teens, teen mental health, teen depression, therapy for teens
tags child therapist, teen therapist, grief, child development

Three More Principles for Quality Relationships

Ivy Griffin

A short while back, I wrote a post about improving the quality of close relationships. Relationships, however (and especially romantic ones!), are deeply complex emotional dynamics that require ongoing attention and care. Three tips for improving them just isn’t enough! So, here are three *more* principles to improve and maintain the quality of relationships in your life.


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categories healthy relationships
tags surviving and thriving, communication in relationships, talking to your partner, improve relationships

Honing your self-care routine

Ivy Griffin

We can find a lot of information out there about self-care routines from planning your weekly exercise regimen to what skin care steps to follow every day to how to begin meditating. While all of this can be helpful, we don’t often talk about how to match self-care to our current emotional state, and as sensitive souls, it can be really important to check in with ourselves regularly about how we’re feeling and to engage in practices to take care of ourselves that meet these needs.

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categories highly sensitive person
tags highly sensitive therapist, highly sensitive person, self-care for hsps, empath, dealing with overwhelm