When emotions are too big
Ivy Griffin
Do you have those moments when it feels like your entire body has been taken over by a feeling? When it doesn’t even matter if you know the feeling is out of proportion because it’s such an all-consuming tidal wave that you can’t begin stop it? I imagine most of us HSPs have had and will continue to have these moments—much to our chagrin. We hate them, right? I have that sense of “Wait, seriously?” when it starts to happen. Like, are you kidding me—I’m here—AGAIN?! But, that doesn’t make the tears subside.
Just like the rest of you, I wish I could stop these times. I wish I could slam on the brakes and go instantly back to being my regular self. It can feel terrible to be so hijacked by emotion. Yet, much as I hate to admit it, I know this is that other side of the highly sensitive person (HSP) coin. We get to feel the beauty and the joy and the exhilaration so deeply . . . which also means we feel the shitty stuff just as much. Blergh, right?
So, my next question is: what can we do about it? If we can’t stop it, how do we survive and not let our overwhelming feelings wreak havoc in the meantime?
My top 6 tips:
Name what’s happening.
There is power in naming things. It identifies them and takes the mystery out of them. You can come up with your own name for these moments like “Evil Evelyn is at it again,” you can imagine an image for what’s happening like a big tornado about to touch down, or you can nod gently to yourself and think, “Okay, this is one of those moments.”
Accept it. Make space to let the emotion out.
For me, this usually involves crying (probably in heaving-sobbing-red-faced-snot-dripping kind of way) or cleaning. It can be cathartic to get to scrubbing while I think about what is pissing me off! It can even feel like I’m scrubbing the problem away. Alternately, I like going for a walk or a jog. Sometimes I find it helpful to imagine the situation or person upsetting me, and visualize that I’m stomping on the problem with each step or that I’m letting the concerns evaporate off my body and into the air because I don’t need to keep holding them. And, the world has space to contain them.
You can also curl up under a cozy blanket (a weighted blanket can be great,) and let the feelings flow. Or, try journaling without judging yourself. Let your journal be a place where the tidal wave can crash. Interrupt any thoughts of “I’m being ridiculous” or “I’m so stupid,” and replace them with “This is really hard, and it helps to get the feelings out” and “I’m taking care of myself.” I don’t think it really matters what you do (of course, as long as it doesn’t involve hurting anyone, yourself included), but the key is to find what helps you release that emotion, even if only temporarily.
I do NOT find it helpful to try to reason my way out of emotions this big. Using logic tends to upset me more because I KNOW the feeling is too much. I KNOW it, but it’s there anyway. If I try to convince myself to stop feeling it, I just get angry and frustrated at myself for not being able to stop it.
Instead, try to hold on to the knowledge from all your past experience that the emotion will pass. You just have to wait it out. So, focus on momentary tools:
Focus on your breathing counting to 10. Breathe in and count 1, exhale and count 2. Inhale 3, exhale 4, inhale 5, exhale 6 and so on until 10. Repeat as needed.
Distract with a book, movie, Youtube video—anything strong enough to pull your attention away.
Repeat affirmations like “This too shall pass,” “I’ve been here before, and it won’t last forever,” or “I can get through this. I’ve gotten through tough times before.” You can even pick your favorite comforting mantras and write them down or store them in your phone, so they’re all ready for you when you need these reminders.
Do NOT make any big decisions when you feel this way. Sometimes these powerful emotions can be really convincing that we need to make a significant change in our lives. There may even be truth to that. However, please don’t act on that feeling when you’re in this emotional overwhelm. Give yourself at least 24-48 hours for the peak of the emotion to pass and then see how you feel and what you want to do.
Know that you’ll probably have to bounce back and forth between different strategies until the feeling passes. Unfortunately, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach nor is there a specific timeline for how long this will last. Try to treat yourself like you would a friend who is really upset, and allow yourself to go through the different steps as many times as you need.
While I wish I could give you a list of how to make the emotional overwhelm stop, I just don’t think that’s realistic. As sensitive souls, we’re very likely to experience times when our emotions are huge and run rampant. But, instead of judging ourselves and feeling like there’s something wrong with us, we can acknowledge that these strong feelings are part of our sensitivity (and try to remember that our sensitivity has a lot of upsides too). Simply accepting that these moments are part of who we are can relieve a lot of pain and suffering, and using our coping skills can further ease the challenge of such difficult times.
I wish you all the healing and peace your souls need, dear HSPs.
Warmly,
Ivy
Ivy Griffin, LMFT # 51714, Director
she/hers
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com (link to http://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/highly-sensitive-people)
hello@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
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