Most of us have experienced that frustrating moment when no matter how hard we try to fall asleep we can’t seem to quiet the chatter in our minds, and it feels like all our stresses and fears hit us like a freight train. That chatter is often rumination, and it tends to hit us right when we are trying to fall asleep because we are finally still, and usually distraction free. Rumination is when we dwell on negative feelings and distress in a repetitive manner, which in turn heightens or exacerbates anxious and/or depressive feelings. For anyone familiar with anxiety and depression, rumination can quickly become a core component of the experience.
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Are you a highly sensitive person who struggles with chronic, free floating anxiety and tension? Do you also struggle to identify what's causing your anxiety? Perhaps you don't recognize that you're anxious but feel compelled to stay busy as much as possible. These might be the effects of childhood emotional neglect, also known as CEN.
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Do you believe you should be able to please everyone all the time? Do you become angry with yourself or intensely embarrassed when you make mistakes? You might have some perfectionistic tendencies. Where does perfectionism come from? And how do we begin to transform our perfectionism into discernment, self-care, and respect?
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If you’ve been in therapy before you might be familiar with the idea of coping skills and tools. They can include anything from deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation (PMR), journaling, tapping, and visualization-there are so many wonderful methods to support self regulation. But did you know that most coping skills and tools can be used both reactively and proactively?
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What's interesting is that even in our worry about whether or not we belong--we belong. All people have these concerns. All people want to be accepted and understood and precisely because it matters so much, it will sometimes keep us up at night. We will cry out in the depths of our loneliness, "Do people like me?"
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Exploring different parts of yourself as a highly sensitive person (HSP) requires a compassionate and gentle approach. HSPs often experience emotions and sensations more intensely, which can make self-exploration a deeply enriching yet potentially overwhelming experience. What does it mean to explore different parts of the self? Let’s break it down in a more comprehensible way. We, as humans feel a spectrum of emotions, have the ability to have coherent narratives and are conscious of our ability to connect with others. As an HSP you may have a heightened awareness of your emotions, thoughts, and energetic connection to others, which can then make it overwhelming when multiple experiences are happening at once. You may be hyper-aware of your inner critic, doubt, or empathetic nature. Taking the observer role when feelings, thoughts, or sensations come up will help to determine what part of the self is showing up (i.e. part that's judgmental, part that is hopeful, part that is powerless, and the list goes on!). Know that self-exploration is a lifelong process and with communal support, self-compassion, radical acceptance, and self trust, it can allow for a gentle journey.
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Hot weather impacts sleep, appetite, health, and mental health. As we trudge deeper into the summer season and the heat rises here in California to ridiculous heights, I felt it might be prudent to touch upon how some core factors we monitor in therapy may be impacted by the change in weather.
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“I get caught in these thought spirals and can’t get out.” “I obsess about all the things that could go wrong.” “I feel paralyzed and can’t take a step in any direction because I’m afraid of making the wrong decision.” Ugh! Anxious thoughts can be so exhausting! They can keep us up at night and weigh us down so much it feels difficult to move. How do we get unstuck and find relief?
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“What if I mess up?” “What if I can’t handle this situation?” “What if I’m rejected?” Phew! Thinking about all the “What-ifs” can be EXHAUSTING! It’s like our fears and insecurities are tapping on our shoulders saying “Hey, HEY, HEY!!!”. They want our attention and won’t let up until we find some way of addressing the issue or some other way to escape. The problem is, escaping or avoiding the what-ifs often prolongs our anxiety and may even cause it to build. How do we find relief?
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When I think of grief and loss, there are a handful of emotions that come to mind: sadness, anger, fear, agony, overwhelm, and many more that we may not even have words for. All of these are valid. In these moments, I personally have found it helpful to have some guiding pillars to return to and act as my compass while navigating through the intricacies of this experience. Today, I’d like to share those with you all. Whether you’re experiencing grief, loss, or a combination of both I encourage you to remember and exercise the following…
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The hot summer months can be a challenging time for highly sensitive people (HSPs). Though it’s only spring, those of us who are sensitive to heat are already dreading the increasingly hot days (and nights). With the hot weather and longer days, life can feel extra overwhelming. Even the most seemingly innocuous activities can leave you feeling overwhelmed and drained. Here are some tips for coping with rising temperatures as an HSP:
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Do you experience cycles of emotional overwhelm? Does it feel like things will be running relatively smoothly and then all-of-a-sudden you’re slammed with anxiety and overwhelm and spend the next few days or weeks trying to recover? You might be thinking “Why can’t I just be normal all the time?” Well I’d like to offer some perspective on what might be contributing to this cycle and how you might break it.
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“What’s wrong with me?!” “This should be easier!” “I shouldn’t feel this way!” Sound familiar? Even if you’re not aware that you tell yourself these things, you might be familiar with the feelings they bring up: frustration, exasperation, anxiety, disappointment, hopelessness. They all share the same basic belief – I am not good enough. When we struggle, sometimes we’re hard on ourselves for struggling; we want to rush through uncomfortable feelings and be done with them! Little do we know, our effort to rid ourselves of these uncomfortable feelings might be making them more intense!
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Do you ever feel like everybody needs something from you and all you want is time to yourself? Do you try to take time for yourself but struggle with guilt or worry about “neglecting” others? Finding the balance between our needs and others’ can be a struggle. Many of us have received messages from the time we were young to do as we’re told, that being “good” is saying “yes” to everyone, and that prioritizing ourselves is selfish. How can we be there for others without losing our minds? And how can we prioritize ourselves without feeling selfish.
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Don't get me wrong; I like the holidays. Or at least most of what the holidays are about. But sometimes they can be somewhat overwhelming. I like Christmas music, but hearing it everywhere 24/7 for two months is too much for me. I also like holiday parties. But seven family gatherings, five friend parties and three work shebangs in one month can weigh me down.
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