Teens are constantly comparing themselves to unrealistic expectations of beauty. They have images of flawless people that are portrayed everywhere they look in social media, TV, movies, and magazines. They don’t think about the fact that the majority of these “flawless people” people have gone through plastic surgery and have their photos airbrushed and photo-shopped in order for them to appear so perfect. Instead, teens are asking themselves questions like “Why do I not look perfect like them?” and “What can I do to look just as beautiful?” They might even start assuming, “I’m so ugly and disgusting! Why can’t I be pretty too?” These comparisons and high expectations can lead teens to believe that making changes in their lives like dieting or skipping meals or buying every beauty product imaginable can lead them closer to looking like the beautiful, thin, seemingly perfect, rich and famous people being portrayed to them every day.
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Change is an essential and unavoidable part of being alive. While life transitions can be exciting opportunities for learning, growth, and self-reflection, they can also feel stressful, confusing, and filled with uncertainty. During these times of transition, we can turn to imagery from the natural world for grounding and support:
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People who are highly sensitive or attuned to their environment can experience changes in weather, light, and energy very intensely. In the past few months, the days have gotten shorter, colder, and we may have even noticed a general shift in energy all around us. This can be a welcome change for some and more difficult for others, especially when the expectations we feel don’t match up with the energy we have to deal with them.
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I see it in my office a lot—a low frustration tolerance in teens when they fail. Failing is tough for all of us! That’s why it is so important now for your child to learn how to cope when frustrating moments happen.
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Harvest, shorter days, autumn, fall. When Persephone is called back to the Underworld, when we are confronted with shadows, when the earth begins to prepare for it’s winter slumber. A time of year when we are asked to confront death whether figuratively, metaphorically, symbolically or literally. Many of us associate this season with reflection and nostalgia. For some this is a comforting time, for others it can be emotionally overwhelming and even painful. Death, whether literal or symbolic represents a time of change, a significant transition in our lives, a time of loss and a time of mourning. A time of process into renewal. Inin order to be transformed by this inevitable process, we must lean in to mourn what once was and embrace what we might be becoming.
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Crying easily is something many HSPs deal with in their day-to-day life. There are times when your nerves feel raw or you feel like a water balloon and every person and situation you encounter has a pin that could cause you to burst into tears at any moment. Crying in front of others can feel quite vulnerable and many of us may have even had experiences of people reacting insensitively to our tears.
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We all know that relationships between teens and their parents, guardians, or any authority figure can be trying. The ways adolescents’ brains are changing and developing (more so than at any other time except ages 0-5) and the ways their identities are forming can naturally put them at odds with parents and authority figures. They’re beginning to think abstractly, question why, and challenge what they don’t agree with. This doesn’t make setting and holding rules and boundaries easy for any adult.
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What does it mean to “be strong”? When you think of that phrase, what images spring to mind? You might picture someone who is physically strong, someone who is unemotional or stoic, or someone who is able to take on a lot and physically do many tasks or activities. But this is not the only type of strength there is and might not even be the healthiest.
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As HSPs, we can pick up on subtleties in our environments and the feelings of others. We may have received reinforcement from our families or the wider cultures we grew up in for being able to anticipate the needs, feelings, and desires of others. We may have even been punished in some way for not knowing others’ needs and living up to their expectations. All of this to say that we can often feel flooded by the noise of others’ needs and priorities in the form of what I like to call “static”.
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This article is based on the concepts of negative versus positive attribution bias. Attribution bias as a theory is very complex and has more nuance and depth than this post is able to cover. Instead, we will take a closer look at specifically how this phenomenon of human psychology plays itself out in relationships, specifically between parents and their teens.
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Despite our best efforts to be rational and reasonable thinkers, many of us fall into the trap of thinking mistakes, also known as cognitive distortions. There are a number of common cognitive distortions that most people make, one of them being Black and White / All-or-Nothing Thinking. This is when you believe that only one thing can be true to the exclusion of all else. It’s believing that there is only one truth and leaving no space for other options, opinions, or thoughts.
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As HSPs, we may feel as though the world is constantly acting upon us, like we have no control over anything and we’re completely overwhelmed. When we’re highly attuned to our environment and the people around us, there is a lot of information coming in on a regular basis. That’s why it is so important for people who are highly sensitive to use the tools at our disposal to create a sense of balance and satisfaction in our lives.
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Lately, in my personal and professional life, I have noticed a common theme. What I have noticed is how hard it can be to make the transition from having a child in the home to having one out of the home. I wanted to create a guide to assist “empty nesters” with living a full life after their child has moved out. If you have been able to raise an independent child, that is a sign that you have found some success as a parent! Unfortunately, after celebrating this milestone many parents are left wondering what to do without kids around.
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As we move along in therapy and begin exploring some of the possible contributors to challenges we face, it can feel like we see patterns everywhere! We may think, “I’ve been handling things the same way forever!” “Will I ever be able to change?” “I’m turning out just like my parents!” No worries! This is a super common feeling to have and it does NOT mean you’re doomed to repeat the past.
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It’s all well and good to bust out your arsenal of coping tools when you’re already overwhelmed, but how do we lessen our chances of being overwhelmed in the first place?
As HSPs, our urges to please others, make their lives easier, and keep things calm can be quite strong. We will do almost anything to maintain peace and harmony in our environment. But sometimes this can come at the expense of our own well-being and we find ourselves exhausted, stressed out and depleted.
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