The Tower. One of the most feared images and archetypes in the Tarot. A symbol of significant, profound change, often unwanted and unexpected. The kind of change that might invite symptoms that meet criteria for an adjustment disorder. Debilitating sadness, grief, fear, dread, anger, confusion. All difficult feelings we might experience with a life altering moment such as a death, a trauma, divorce, eviction, a traumatic injury, or job loss. When we are in the throes of The Tower, it can be difficult to see which way is up and which way is down. It requires a certain kind of surrender as these walls come crashing down, for resisting this change would only lead to injury or destruction.
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Ever notice that taking responsibility can feel scary sometimes? Like you'd rather let someone else make decisions for you? Or maybe you avoid taking control of your finances because you feel bad at math or you feel ashamed you don't know more about budgeting. Perhaps you leave everything up to the universe and hope for the best while fearing the worst. You are NOT alone!
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For people who identify as highly sensitive or empathic, intense embarrassment and shame might be particularly difficult experiences. Making a mistake can be followed by intense physical sensations and emotions: your face gets hot, your heart rate spikes, and sometimes you may even want to disappear. While this is normal and might even feel manageable for some, people who are highly sensitive may struggle to recover from these feelings. It can be such a shock to the system that they may ruminate for hours or days on the incident that led them to feel this way, trying to understand what happened or worse, being hard on themselves about it.
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The act of ending a romantic relationship is often painful even in the most amicable of circumstances, and finally coming to the decision to do so can be an extremely confusing process. Many people, understandably, have significant anxiety and trepidation about breaking up. How do you know when it’s the right time? How do you actually do it? What about all the “what ifs”?
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Throughout my time in private practice, I have come to notice a theme amongst my clients around their self-worth. More specifically, what it is tied to, which tends to be their productivity and net worth. I heard a quote once that really resonated with me and it stated that most people these days “wear their burnout like a badge of honor”. I am not sure about you, but that is not a badge I would like to earn (former girl scout speaking here) and it pains me to know how many of us do this so consciously and willingly. When people equate their net worth with their self-worth, I have witnessed a plethora of mental health issues including; difficulty being present, sitting with oneself and struggles with anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
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Dealing with depression can seem like an excruciating marathon set in the middle of a tornado. The intensity of sorrow, hopelessness and defeat can leave you feeling unbearably powerless. It takes a huge amount of strength and bravery to reach out for help. For many, by the time they reach out to get therapy and medication, they have been in a lengthy battle and need help NOW! If a person starts psychiatric medication and things do not get better or if the side effects are intolerable, Transmagnetic Cranial Stimulation (TMS) may be a good option. Below are some answers that may guide your journey.
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Have you ever thought "why is it so hard to love myself?" Many of us find it easier to demonstrate our love for others than love for ourselves. But why? What is it about loving ourselves that makes it so difficult?
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Do you find you’re pretty hard on yourself? Do you tend to set high standards for yourself that are almost impossible to achieve? Many of us receive spoken and unspoken messages that only certain outcomes in life are acceptable: good grades, always saying “yes” and being helpful to others, being in the right relationship, looking a certain way, having a certain job, the list goes on. If we don’t meet these standards, we feel like failures, like we’ve let everyone down, or like maybe there’s something wrong with us.
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“Calm down.”
“You’re too sensitive!”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
These sentiments are likely all too familiar to the highly sensitive person, and in particular the highly sensitive child. Growing up, I recall countless teary eyed instances of fighting - with little success - to try to restrain the expression of my emotions, only to be met with judgment and criticism from adults and fellow children alike. Often HSPs grow up to absorb these messages and take them on as our own, which can lead to the belief that we, and our feelings are, inherently “too much”. This can lead to self-blame and guilt, and the adoption of an almost default state of apologetic being. Even if logically we now know that sensitivity is not shameful and is even in many ways a strength, letting go of these internalized ideas can be difficult. Accepting one’s sensitivity can be a slow process, but here are a few ways to start.
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As a therapist, I am frequently asked by parents if what their teen is going through is normal or if they should be concerned. To be fair, coming to therapy for typical teenage changes is common and very helpful even if it is in the realm of normal. The safe space of the therapy office gives adolescents room to sort through their thoughts and feelings in a way that is not replicable with parents or friends. Having said that, there are times when concerns arise and it is important to have parents more involved. Typically what we look at is danger and impairment. The following major areas come to mind that we will look at more in depth: suicide and self harm, substance use and behavioral issues.
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In this blog post, I hope to give some insight into how the topic of divorce can be worked through in a therapeutic setting. Clients often seek therapy during a variety of stages in the process. Some folks are in the middle of a messy and complicated divorce and looking for a safe space to unpack their frustrations with the legal process. Others are thinking about initiating a separation, and worry about how to approach a soft landing feels daunting and horrifying, especially if there are kids, pets or major assets to sort through. Some arrive when all the paperwork has been finalized and the dust is now unsettlingly settled, and the question of starting anew feels overwhelming.
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Highly sensitive people (HSPs) fall in love hard with soul shaking intensity!! They are also willing to put in the challenging work for their relationships. They have a giving nature and are likely to naturally put others needs before their own. Because they are so sensitive to others feelings, an HSP can feel like it is wrong to say “no” and since they are strongly empathic, the need to do something about another’s struggle is pressing. Unfortunately, another person could take advantage of an HSP’s need to help. If you combine that pressing need to be there for others with an HSP’s underlying thought that they are flawed it can become the perfect recipe for an unhealthy relationship or even become domestic violence.
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In the United States and throughout many western, developed countries, we live in societies that value decisiveness, physical strength (which might also be labeled aggression), extraversion, charisma, strong opinions, individual over group needs, pushing ahead at nearly all costs (often thought of as progress), and toughness, (usually defined as not showing emotions). For sensitive souls, these values simply don’t align with who we are.
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You know the feeling when you get that AWESOME insight and things just “click” and make sense? It’s that “Aha!” moment when you’re like “Wow, therapy is really paying off!” Just kidding…sort of. And then…it’s gone! As quickly as it enters your mind, it just floats away on the breeze! Where did it go? I like to say that some of our best insights are put on shelves somewhere in our brains, collecting dust.
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As HSPs, we may feel as though the world is constantly acting upon us, like we have no control over anything and we’re completely overwhelmed. When we’re highly attuned to our environment and the people around us, there is a lot of information coming in on a regular basis. That’s why it is so important for people who are highly sensitive to use the tools at our disposal to create a sense of balance and satisfaction in our lives.
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