Opening Up Options for Fulfillment
Ivy Griffin
Do you find you’re pretty hard on yourself? Do you tend to set high standards for yourself that are almost impossible to achieve? Many of us receive spoken and unspoken messages that only certain outcomes in life are acceptable: good grades, always saying “yes” and being helpful to others, being in the right relationship, looking a certain way, having a certain job, the list goes on. If we don’t meet these standards, we feel like failures, like we’ve let everyone down, or like maybe there’s something wrong with us.
Living with these standards can feel like being on a hamster wheel that’s impossible to get off of: you’re always striving, you’re exhausted, and you never really get anywhere. This can lead us to feel as though we’re not good enough and can actually contribute to lowering our sense of self-esteem. At its extreme, it can lead to a feeling of paralysis because the standards are so narrow that there’s no room to be anything but perfect. So what do we do?
We need more room! In essence, we need more OPTIONS for success, achievement, fulfillment, and happiness. What does this look like? Let’s take the example of getting your dream job. For some, this might be associated with being able to afford living in a home and a city you love and not worrying about finances. But is that the only avenue to the home, the city, and the finances? You might say “yes” or “it’s the only one I know of”. But let’s look at the possible consequences of that mindset. Say, you don’t get the job. If there are no other options for success, you might feel completely lost and have no plan or way to move forward. You might feel utterly defeated and perhaps you even begin to struggle with your mental health which adds another layer of difficulty.
What if you gave yourself some other options for success? Are there other jobs that might be satisfying or might be opportunities for growth, other homes or cities that have something to offer? Might it be possible to start off in a position that’s less desirable and work your way up to a position that’s more desirable? The more options you give yourself for fulfillment, the more likely you are to feel fulfilled. The fewer options you give yourself, the more the odds are stacked against you. To improve your odds–start asking yourself these questions on a regular basis:
What am I interested in or curious about?
What other types of experiences do I enjoy?
How could this be an opportunity for growth?
What could I practice or learn in this situation that might also make it meaningful?
If you encounter struggles in doing this, don’t be deterred. Significant change always feels uncomfortable at the start. If you’d like support, and you’re ready to start opening your mind and your heart to more options for fulfillment, reach out.
All my best,
LMFT#129032 and Program Manager
Thrive Therapy and Counseling
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda
916-287-3430