Teens have a lot of pressure on them these days. They’re a generation that’s more “on” and connected than ever before. They can feel pressure from friends and peers to constantly be available online and responding to messages (or risk missing out on important social happenings), they may feel the stress of navigating AP classes or taking college classes in conjunction with their regular high school coursework, and many teens can fixate on worrying about their SAT/ACT scores, GPAs, extra-curriculars, athletics, and what all of those mean for what colleges they will get into. Many teens believe that making the “right” decisions around college will dictate the course of their entire lives, their income, and their future happiness.
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Do you believe you should be able to please everyone all the time? Do you become angry with yourself or intensely embarrassed when you make mistakes? You might have some perfectionistic tendencies. Where does perfectionism come from? And how do we begin to transform our perfectionism into discernment, self-care, and respect?
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If you’ve been in therapy before you might be familiar with the idea of coping skills and tools. They can include anything from deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation (PMR), journaling, tapping, and visualization-there are so many wonderful methods to support self regulation. But did you know that most coping skills and tools can be used both reactively and proactively?
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What's interesting is that even in our worry about whether or not we belong--we belong. All people have these concerns. All people want to be accepted and understood and precisely because it matters so much, it will sometimes keep us up at night. We will cry out in the depths of our loneliness, "Do people like me?"
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Regret is an experience none of us escapes. It can be momentary or take up significant portions of our lives. For many of us, it contains feelings of grief, loss, and despair. Whatever the case, it is significant and can leave us feeling lost in the woods. How do we find our way?
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Exploring different parts of yourself as a highly sensitive person (HSP) requires a compassionate and gentle approach. HSPs often experience emotions and sensations more intensely, which can make self-exploration a deeply enriching yet potentially overwhelming experience. What does it mean to explore different parts of the self? Let’s break it down in a more comprehensible way. We, as humans feel a spectrum of emotions, have the ability to have coherent narratives and are conscious of our ability to connect with others. As an HSP you may have a heightened awareness of your emotions, thoughts, and energetic connection to others, which can then make it overwhelming when multiple experiences are happening at once. You may be hyper-aware of your inner critic, doubt, or empathetic nature. Taking the observer role when feelings, thoughts, or sensations come up will help to determine what part of the self is showing up (i.e. part that's judgmental, part that is hopeful, part that is powerless, and the list goes on!). Know that self-exploration is a lifelong process and with communal support, self-compassion, radical acceptance, and self trust, it can allow for a gentle journey.
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At times in life we are all faced with uncomfortable realizations about ourselves and how we actually come across to other people. Realizing you might be a bit of a Goldilocks is one of those realizations. Most of us have heard the story of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears,” and the origin stems from that story. A “Goldilocks” tends to complain and quickly dismisses any input or attempts at support, immediately justifies reasons as to why something won’t work, and often feels that nobody understands. This can be incredibly frustrating for the people we interact with, and can take an emotional toll on them after a while. So what can we do if we realize we have entered a Goldilocks phase?
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Sometimes it can seem like teens completely tune out (or want nothing to do with) adults, especially authority figures, even more so--their parents. This can leave parents feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. “He’s not getting his homework done, but how am I supposed to get him on the right track when he won’t listen to me?!” “She seems irritable and agitated a lot these days, but when I ask what’s wrong, she rolls her eyes or grumbles, ‘nothing.’ How do I get through to her?”
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Most of us have heard the story of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears,” and most of us have a Goldilocks in our own lives whether that is at home, at work, or amongst our friends and acquaintances. This is the person that constantly complains and is never satisfied with any advice, direction or attempts at supporting them. They often quickly dismiss any input and immediately have a reason as to why that won’t work and will say that you just don’t understand. Interacting with a Goldilocks can be incredibly frustrating especially since it can feel like we are hearing the same complaints on repeat, and they tend not to act on what we consider to be grounded and reasonable advice and solutions.
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Hot weather impacts sleep, appetite, health, and mental health. As we trudge deeper into the summer season and the heat rises here in California to ridiculous heights, I felt it might be prudent to touch upon how some core factors we monitor in therapy may be impacted by the change in weather.
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As a Highly Sensitive Person, it is common to find yourself overwhelmed by everyday experiences in our highly stimulating and demanding world. While your empathic nature allows you to connect deeply with others, it also makes you susceptible to anxiety and emotional overload. However, there’s a furry four-legged (or scaly, feathered, winged, finned) companion you can always turn to - your pet. Our pets offer much more than just companionship; they can be a source of comfort and healing for HSPs struggling with anxiety. If you’re an HSP with a pet you adore or an HSP considering bringing a pet into your life, this blog is for you!
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Maybe you don’t trust them - they seem controlling, clingy, or possessive. Perhaps you don’t like how your teenager acts differently around them, like a totally different person with different interests and tastes and even style. It could also be that you’ve noticed other changes in your teen since this new love interest came into the picture, such as acting secretive, reclusive, or moody. Or it’s just that your teen and their date are moving way too fast, getting too serious and overly involved at the expense of everything else. After all, they’re only teenagers!
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"What if I don't like myself?" "What if I hate myself sometimes?" So many of us experience this and wonder if there is something deeply, deeply wrong with us. I've thought about it a lot recently and while I don't believe I have "the answer", I think the answer I have might be helpful for some.
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In addition to anxiety and depression, low motivation is one of the most common reasons I’ve noticed people seek out therapy. There are things that they want to do and things they must do, and they’re really struggling to accomplish their goals. What’s worse is they’re often really hard themselves about their struggles and may end up paralyzed by shame and overwhelm. This can lead to feelings of failure, being stunted, stuck, or not succeeding at life.
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How did that make you feel? What’s coming up for you now? How did you manage that situation?
If you’ve been to therapy even once before, chances are you’ve encountered one or all of the phrases above. And that makes sense. A competent therapist is going to draw attention to your strengths, your thoughts and physical sensations, your feelings. Common denominator: You.
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