Since the start of the New Year, I’ve been noticing a lot of ads for exercise equipment and diets promising to help you shed those holiday pounds. This is a prime selling time for these types of goods and services as we may have overindulged over the holidays. I’m not a fan of exercise and diet fads as they tend to play off of people’s insecurities and sometimes perpetuate unhealthy and unrealistic ideals. This is why I am more apt to recommend a media diet which may help you to achieve a different type of health and wellness.
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As highly sensitive people (HSPs), we tend to question ourselves a lot. We think and wonder and analyze. Is this the best job for me? Am I happy? Am I a good parent/sibling/friend/partner/colleague? What’s the meaning of life? And of my life, in particular? Should I be doing _____ more? Am I with the right partner? Is this how I want to act with my family? Should I be doing things differently? Am I on the right track with my life??
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Teens have a lot of pressure on them these days. They’re a generation that’s more “on” and connected than ever before. They can feel pressure from friends and peers to constantly be available online and responding to messages (or risk missing out on important social happenings), they may feel the stress of navigating AP classes or taking college classes in conjunction with their regular high school coursework, and many teens can fixate on worrying about their SAT/ACT scores, GPAs, extra-curriculars, athletics, and what all of those mean for what colleges they will get into. Many teens believe that making the “right” decisions around college will dictate the course of their entire lives, their income, and their future happiness.
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I was at a holiday party recently with a white elephant gift exchange, and I saw the perfect gift for highly sensitive people (HSPs)--a giant red button with the word ‘no’ on it. When you pressed the button, it might say, ‘nope’ or ‘no, no, no, no, no!’ And I thought how amazing it would be for HSPs to be able to push a button that could set boundaries for them, instead of having to wade through all the guilt and worry and anguish around saying no.
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Yes, it’s true--adolescence can be a time of self-centeredness. Developmentally, teens are wired to pull away from their families and gravitate toward their friends and peers, as they prepare to launch out into the world on their own. Biologically, this also makes sense because as human beings, we are social creatures and need other people to survive. So, if the family is no longer the primary source of support, friends and peers become exceedingly important, which then makes teens very self-conscious and focused on themselves to accomplish this significant developmental task.
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Dear sensitive one, do you have those days where you wake up worrying? Like, before you even open your eyes, the worry is taking over? “Ugh, there’s that meeting that I’m dreading.” “I have so much to do; how am I going to get through it all?” “I really wish I didn’t have to face that conversation.” “How am I going to manage?” Your stomach gets tied in knots or the butterflies take over, and your whole body feels tense before your feet even hit the floor.
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“Please put your phone down, and look at me!” “You’re gonna walk into something if you keep staring at your phone like that!” “Believe me, you are not going to die if you don’t have wifi all weekend.”
Any of these sound familiar? Have you found yourself saying similar things to your own teen? It’s such a common challenge. How do we help our kids appreciate technology without becoming all consumed by it?
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My favorite part of being a therapist is the transformation that I am privileged to witness in each of my clients. The change or growth doesn’t always occur in a positive direction--sometimes people really don’t want to change--but they need support anyway and deserve it. I have so much respect for the therapeutic process that I really invest myself in determining if I am capable of caring for the specific mental health needs of each potential client.
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Dear friend, the answer to this is that you ARE different AND you are not the only one. Highly sensitive people comprise about 15-20% of the population in any given culture or society. Wherever you live, with whomever you interact, roughly 1/5 of the people you encounter will also be sensitive.
Then, why does it feel so lonely?
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This is for the parents who are struggling with their teens’ developing and changing identities and for those who really just want their teens to bypass adolescence entirely and move straight into adulthood.
We hear you! Adolescence is a TOUGH time.
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Have you ever tried to find a sense of peace? Where did you look? What did you do? Attend yoga, meditation classes, use hallucinogens, try out different spiritual practices, or get a massage? If you’ve tried one or all of these things, then you are not alone! Many of us have used a variety of relaxation methods in order to become more peaceful.
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Your heart starts pounding. Your muscles tense. You get hot and start to sweat a little. It’s hard to think straight. You just want to get out of there ASAP. You, my sensitive friend, are in a moment of overwhelm.
Being overwhelmed is no fun for anyone, least of all highly sensitive people. When we human beings feel completely overloaded, our brains and bodies instantly go into survival mode.
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“You just don’t get it, Mom!” I definitely said that hundreds of times during my own adolescence in a variety of moods, facial expressions, and tones of voice. I often felt misunderstood and sometimes sought out arguments with my parents to prove it to myself. My friends and I would vent about how our parents could never know what we were going through, considering how much ‘older’ they were! I laugh at that now after having my own children and realizing how much more complicated parenthood is than I ever thought when I was a teen.
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I've loved going for walks since I was a kid. The backdrop then tended to be more filled with woods and cow pastures; I did grow up in the country, after all. Even at a young age, I seemed to find freedom and calm in walking. I craved going for walks in the woods behind my neighbors’ house or even walking down the road. Each time I set out, I felt a sense of adventure, like anything could happen.
Now, I find walking to be more calming, but that sense of freedom remains.
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Have you ever:
Found yourself avoiding crowds of people?
Felt bothered or agitated by certain sounds--like chewing, a neighbor’s TV blaring, a repetitive drip when you’re trying to sleep, even if they didn’t bother other people around you?
Wished you could just hide at home in bed?
Struggled in open workspaces?
Hated fluorescent lighting?
Had a hard time focusing or concentrating if there’s any background noise?
Found yourself being jumpy when a siren goes by?
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