Am I on the right track?
Ivy Griffin
As highly sensitive people (HSPs), we tend to question ourselves a lot. We think and wonder and analyze. Is this the best job for me? Am I happy? Am I a good parent/sibling/friend/partner/colleague? What’s the meaning of life? And of my life, in particular? Should I be doing _____ more? Am I with the right partner? Is this how I want to act with my family? Should I be doing things differently? Am I on the right track with my life??
And down the rabbit hole we go. Any one of these or many other similar questions can lead to hours, days, weeks of pondering and exploration. We come up with an answer that satisfies one minute, only to begin doubting and questioning the next. Our brains are wired to think carefully and critically and to be on the lookout for signs of trouble. As a result, sometimes our brains fixate on looking for potential problems to address and think and think and think about how to solve them. Then, because we sensitive folks are really good at understanding situations from multiple points of view, we can pick a solution, change our minds when we think we identify a better solution, and continue updating and changing our minds until we’re chasing our own tails.
This can get exxxxhausting!
But, there’s an upside here. All of this analysis can help keep us on the track we want to be on with our lives. Checking in with ourselves regularly allows us to course-correct or take an alternate path at any time. The key is to ask and then really listen to what our gut has to say.
Where we HSPs often get stuck is that we try to only think our way through, and we forget to ask ourselves how we feel, what urges we have, and what body sensations occur when we consider different outcomes. I know, this sounds a little weird at first, but let’s play it out.
Say you’re wondering if you should stay in your current job or look for a new job. This is a question that, most of the time, doesn’t have one right answer. You could do either, and each choice would come with its own positives and negatives. The more you think, the more you can convince yourself to do one or the other.
What if you also asked yourself (then allowed yourself to answer completely honestly, without judgment) . . .
How do I feel about my current job? (bored? overwhelmed? frustrated? undervalued? stressed? resentful?)
What do I have the urge to do? (quit? tell off my boss? nap at my desk? refuse new projects?) Remember, just because you have an urge does not mean you will act on it, but recognizing our urges can give us more information about what we’re needing.
What body sensations do I have when I think about my current job? (a weight on my chest? butterflies in my stomach? tension in my shoulders? feelings of nausea?)
Are there steps I could take to change these feelings, urges, and sensations? If so, what are those steps?
Then, flip the script. Ask yourself these same questions about getting a new job (or any other decision you’re analyzing), and see what comes up.
Of course, asking yourself these questions will not provide any magic answer about what to do. (If only that magic wand existed!) But, this kind of check-in moves you out of analysis-paralysis and gets you focused on the information only your body can give you. Our emotions and urges can give us important feedback about what we need in a given situation, and they’re more honest than that pro and con list. Because, let’s face it, there are usually many options and no one right answer. Logic and reasoning can’t inform you about how you’re actually going to feel, and feelings are a crucial part of life for sensitive folks.
So, the next time you find yourself going in circles overthinking, I invite you to first stop and check-in with your feelings, urges, and body sensations. Allow yourself to take the information your body gives you into account. Our gut is often pretty spot on. Then, you can throw in your values, goals, and hopes for good measure, and use that amalgamation to guide your steps, remembering it’s okay to go slow and to change paths if something isn’t working out.
Take good care of yourselves, dear sensitive ones!
Ivy
Ivy Griffin, LMFT # 51714, Director
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
1614 X St., Suite A
Sacramento, CA 95818
916-287-3430
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
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