For effective communication, it is often advised to use “I” statements. “I” statements are pretty much exactly what they sound like - they comprise a way of communicating that focuses on the thoughts and feelings of the person speaking, rather than the person listening. For example, someone might say “I feel disappointed when you cancel plans with me” rather than “Why can’t you ever follow through on your promises! You’re always flaking on me”. The former phrase allows for accountability for one’s own experience, while the latter incites blame and criticism, which are not helpful in interpersonal conversations.
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We’re living in a time of heightened anxiety, and it’s no wonder with this year we’ve been through! There’s a reason why the number of people seeking therapy has skyrocketed. When the entire world shut down and our lives changed seemingly overnight, it put most of us in a heightened state of alert. What was going on? Would we have what we need? How serious is this? How long will it last?
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As many of us continue to work from home this winter, you may be looking for creative ways to stay productive during the colder months. Before, we were able to take advantage of the warmer weather, go on a quick walk outside, and had plenty of sunlight pouring into our home office setup. But as the sun begins to set earlier and the cold temperatures are here to stay, staying motivated may become more of a challenge. The good news is, there are plenty of ways to combat the winter gloom and boost your productivity as you work from home.
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We all know that being highly sensitive can really drain our energy. It makes sense that anyone who is highly attuned to their environment and the feelings of others would feel exhausted after absorbing so much sensory information. But, one of the things I’ve been paying attention to recently is the balance of input versus output. We take in all this information all day every day, but where does it go?
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The holidays can be hard in an average year, and of course, this year has been anything but average. You and your family might be looking at a very different scenario this year, in terms of travel and spending time with family. As the days get shorter and colder, you and your kids might be spending more time inside, and after months and months of being in close quarters, this can be stressful for everyone.
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Do you ever feel like you just give and give and never receive the acknowledgement or the gratitude you deserve? Do you continually pour your heart and soul into what you do only to find you have nothing left for yourself?
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You realize that your teen has been spending even more time alone in their room lately. You wonder if this is because of how their lives are different with the pandemic. You practically have to drag them out for dinner, and you’ve given up on wishing they would just voluntarily play on their phone in the den, much less actually hang out with the family. You know they’re spending the day doing distance learning, but why do they insist on always being in their room? When you ask how they are, you get a shrug and “fine” as they walk away. You notice they haven’t asked to get together with friends lately either. When you do see your kid, they always seem so low energy and tired.
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Our relationships with loved ones can be some of our main sources of joy, connection, inspiration, and even healing. However, I think many of us can agree that relationships often can incite tension, communication challenges, and general emotional difficulty. Relationships need to be nourished, and effective communication is a skill set that takes practice and effort. Here are three principles to improve and maintain quality interaction in your close relationships.
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These are such tough times we’re continuing to live in, especially for sensitive souls who absorb so much of what happens around us. I keep saying this again and again, yet it’s still true. Those of us in California have been even more impacted in the past month with the horrific wildfires and terrible air quality. As someone who finds a lot of solace in getting outdoors and moving, it’s been incredibly challenging. It can feel like we’re on house arrest--can’t go outside and can’t go inside anywhere. Damned if we do or don’t.
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I don’t have to tell any of us what a difficult year this has been. Many people are struggling in one way or another, and teens are certainly included. Like all of us, their lives have been turned upside down since March.
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“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” the saying goes. But how does this apply to our mental and emotional well-being?
Sometimes when we find ourselves really overwhelmed by a particular situation or person, this can be an indicator that we are giving it too much energy. By that, I mean that we are investing too much time, thought, and maybe even physical energy into something.
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Do you have those days when you just do NOT want to do all the things? When every single part of you just wants to stay in bed or curl up with a book or escape to the beach and not do one. damn. thing. that you’re ‘supposed’ to?
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The teenage years can be a volatile time for both parents and their children. The transition from elementary to middle school and then to high school brings excitement but also uncertainty as teens begin to focus more on the development of their social relationships and their individuality. Feelings of insecurity, emotional ups and downs, and bewilderment at how to navigate this time of change are all normal. Since parents can experience all of these feelings too, communication with your teen can become strained and contentious at times.
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Have you ever found yourself thinking: Should I be feeling this way? I just can’t stand it when I feel (fill in the blank)! I wish I never had to experience this feeling.
The human experience is such a complex thing and includes many many different feelings over the course of our lives. However, we often get the message that certain feelings are undesirable or even off-limits.
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As highly sensitive people, we likely already have a strong appreciation for the beauty of the natural world. We tend to be lovers of animals, plants, art, beauty and to have strong convictions about protecting and preserving the environment and the other creatures around us. These hard-wired sensitivities and appreciations can serve us well during this time.
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Do you see your teen lounging around--eyes glued to their phone constantly--and worry about what kind of adult they’re going to become? Does this seem even worse with the pandemic and all the things they can’t do?? You might be frustrated with your kid’s low energy . . . with their ability to sleep 17 hours a day or with how you have to tell them 8 times to unload the dishwasher, and you wonder when they’ll finally get it together.
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Transgender lives and experiences are coming more and more into the public domain, and naturally the cultural discourse surrounding gender is becoming increasingly complex! With all of this comes the need and opportunity to be more inclusive and intentional about how we conceptualize and navigate gender, not just with our clients, but also with ourselves! Here are three ways to begin that process as well as improve gender inclusivity and positive therapeutic outcomes with trans clients.
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My heart and body feel heavy just typing the words. I’ve been putting off writing this article, dreading the topic and the mind-body-soul despair/fatigue/overwhelm/heartbreak (do any of these words come near enough?) that accompany grief. Yet, as highly sensitive people, at this moment in time, we may be grieving about So. So. Much.
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Disclaimer: None of us would have imagined that the world as we knew it would come to a screeching halt because of a pandemic. Now, the horrific scenes of racism, the protests, and the unrest across the country are really concerning, upsetting, and overwhelming. It’s a lot. It’s a lot to take in, a lot to explore our own and our family members’ thoughts and feelings about, a lot to figure out how to respond to, a lot to cope with.
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During this difficult time, I know many of us may not have the means to access ongoing mental health care or may have to re-prioritize our own mental health needs for the good of our loved ones. It's tough! So, I wanted to share what I have found to be helpful for myself and a practice I try to teach in sessions with my clients.
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