Judging your feelings might be making things worse
Ivy Griffin
Have you ever found yourself thinking: Should I be feeling this way? I just can’t stand it when I feel (fill in the blank)! I wish I never had to experience this feeling.
The human experience is such a complex thing and includes many many different feelings over the course of our lives. However, we often get the message that certain feelings are undesirable or even off-limits. These messages can be transmitted through our families, our friends, and even the wider culture. When we’re feeling down, we’re told to keep our chin up, look for the positive or find something outside of ourselves to get rid of the feeling.
But what if we believed that all emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, were part of the human experience? What if we welcomed sadness or feelings of uncertainty as experiences that are as valid and valuable as joy and happiness?
For some of us, that’s a scary thought. But what if it never ends? I can’t think of anything that lasts forever. Most experiences are fleeting though the ones that are less comfortable can feel like they go on a long time. But how much worse are these experiences when we beat up on ourselves for having a feeling?
What if, instead of judging ourselves for feeling a certain way, we suspended our judgment and thought, Okay, I’m feeling kind of down today--what do I need? We might find we’re feeling exhausted and in need of a rest, perhaps we’re feeling anxious and we’re in need of reassurance, or perhaps we’re feeling overwhelmed and we’re in need of silence. When we stop avoiding uncomfortable feelings, we can tune in to what we need and take steps to respond in a caring and compassionate way. When our needs are met, we can move on and perhaps, over time, develop a more resilient mindset because we know that we can handle our emotions, even the uncomfortable ones.
Take good care,
Ileana
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, AMFT #99821
she/hers
Supervised by Ivy Griffin, LMFT #51714
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
916-287-3430