When you just don’t want to

Do you have those days when you just do NOT want to do all the things? When every single part of you just wants to stay in bed or curl up with a book or escape to the beach and not do one. damn. thing. that you’re ‘supposed’ to? 

Yep, me too. They suuuuuck. In fact, I’m having one today. I keep sitting at my laptop with my arms crossed and staring out the window. I don’t feel like writing. I’m not in the mood. I’m even wondering if I have anything helpful to say. (Hello, self-doubt! You’ve come to play today, eh?)

At the same time, I feel how important it is to me to offer support and connection to other highly sensitive folk. I know how we too often feel alone and isolated and damaged, and I want to help spread the message that we’re not. We’re beautiful souls. We have so much kindness and love and passion and beauty and insight to share with our world. And, sometimes being so sensitive is really, really hard. 

Like right now. I woke up in a blah, irritable mood. This is not what I was planning to write about, but here we are. Talking about this irritability and the feelings of ‘meh’ and not wanting to be responsible is real, authentic. All humans feel this way sometimes, and for us HSPs, these feelings can be especially strong and overwhelming.  

(Trigger warning: The next 3 paragraphs talk about current events. If that feels like too much right now, please skip reading them and go right to the tips.)

Not only do I think my hormones and neurotransmitters are out of balance today, I also know that the state of the world is wearing on me. Five-ish months into the pandemic hitting hard in the U.S., and I’m still shocked and grieving over the many, many people who have died. I worry about how many more people will be gravely ill or die as this continues. I’m angry at the lack of a cohesive national response to implement widespread testing and contract tracing. I’m in shock about how steps like wearing masks to protect ourselves and one another is controversial. I worry about how we’re all going to be impacted by the lack of in-person socialization and about how the adapted approaches for education are going to affect kids for years to come. I’m horrified at the ongoing racism in our country and at the blatant, don’t-even-try-to-hide-it white supremacy that continues. 

Then again, on a personal level, I enjoy the slower pace of life and getting to spend more time at home . . . sometimes. Other times, I’m still really grieving not going out to plays, movies, concerts, festivals, dinner parties. My heart aches to travel. I desperately miss my life pre-pandemic. And, it’s extra difficult because we don’t know when things will change. We can’t really see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Of course, as sensitive souls, we feel all of these emotions VERY strongly, and we think very DEEPLY about most everything. It’s a tremendous amount to know and to hold. Yet I’m also aware of how very fortunate and privileged I am and how much I have to be grateful for. Simultaneously, my heart breaks for everyone who is struggling to pay the bills, grieving loved ones lost, and worrying about what is to come.  

How can we live with all of this??

• Honor the dualities. As HSPs, we know life is incredibly complex, so it makes sense that we can feel and think so many different ways about a single event. (This whole article is like an internal tug-of-war!) Please allow for this. Try to accept it. It’s okay to be grumpy and pissed off and to still care deeply. You don’t deserve to beat yourself up for your feelings. (And, really, berating yourself never really makes things better, does it? *Hugs.*) 

• Give yourself time to feel and to think. You might need to have a good, long cry or a quick cry in the shower. Maybe journaling is called for or going for a walk and letting your mind wander. Or, talking to a good friend or to a therapist can help express it all and share the burden. Whatever speaks to you, please give yourself some time and space for all of these thoughts and feelings.

• Try to let your values guide your actions. Reconnect with your values, especially on these days when you just don’t feel like doing things. Even though I keep sitting at my desk feeling heavy with my arms crossed as I think about what to write next, I know it’s important to me to write. I deeply value trying to offer support to other sensitive souls. That gives me motivation. Even though I’m pushing myself to do what I need to do today, I’m going to try to show myself some compassion for this being a hard day, and I plan to take it easy this evening. (I’m also practicing accepting that it’s taking me longer than usual to write this because it feels so effortful today.)   

• Limit news intake. There is so much negativity and awfulness in the news, but we can also feel compelled to be aware of what is going on. If you find you’re checking the news several times a day, try limiting it to once in the morning and once in the afternoon (and definitely no checking before bed!). Or, shorten the time you spend consuming the news, maybe just reading headlines from a reliable source or setting a time limit. Or, you could try checking the news every other day, instead of daily. Because a lot of politicized information appears on social media, it can even help to reduce your time there or to be very intentional about who and what shows up in your feed. 

• Distraction is a life-saver! This is a great time to get lost in a book, find a new podcast or catch up on some old favs, watch the award-winning shows, try to beat that video game, finally practice playing your guitar regularly. More than ever, we need breaks and escapes from reality. When it all seems too much, let yourself just stop and get lost in something you enjoy. And, make sure to give yourself time each day (or as often as possible) to have some positive distraction. It’s an essential part of your self-care.

Part of my recent distraction has been reading the MaddAddam trilogy by Margaret Atwood (Ironically enough, this dystopian read pulled me right in and felt like a great escape. Maybe it felt good that things are not that bad? lol) In the story, some characters would reference “putting light around” other people you care about in your heart. That image really resonated with me. So, dear highly sensitive ones, I put light around you all in my heart and wish you as well as can be. 

Take good care,
Ivy
 
Ivy Griffin, LMFT # 51714, Director
she/hers
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com 
916-287-3430
thrivetherapists@gmail.com