Helping your teen stay connected
Ivy Griffin
I don’t have to tell any of us what a difficult year this has been. Many people are struggling in one way or another, and teens are certainly included. Like all of us, their lives have been turned upside down since March.
At an age when peer relationships are THE most important thing, teens have been stuck at home with limited interactions with friends. Their social circle has shrunk tremendously as they’re unable to have the day-to-day normalcy of being with friends and acquaintances at school. Add to that none of the social activities that accompany high school--the non-existent football games, dances, homecomings, senior activities. I’ve even heard kids who hate school talk longingly about when they can go back!
How does this uprooting of their lives affect teens? Well, it depends on the kid, of course. Some are adapting by shifting their time with friends to online, whether it’s gaming or virtual hangouts. Others may have a few friends they’re able to see in person, albeit the activities they can do are much more limited. And, some kids are feeling really isolated and disconnected. Even those who are finding creative ways to connect with friends may still be struggling with feelings of loneliness because the social contact isn’t enough, or they’re just grieving the way things used to be.
As parents and adults who care, how can we help our teens?
Give them some time and space for their feelings. Validate their struggles, even if you’re thinking, “This is nothing compared to what I’m dealing with!” On the other hand, it can be natural to want to comfort or cheer someone up who is feeling down. However, it can actually help more to just listen and allow your teen to express their sadness, loneliness, and grief without going into problem-solving mode right away. (That can come later.) Your teen may even stay in their room more, sleep more, seem uninterested in things. If this happens, check in with them, and let them know you’re there if they want to talk. And, try to give them some time to feel how they feel. (If you’re worried they’re really struggling, it can be a great time to reach out to a therapist.)
Have conversations about what they’re missing and longing for. If your teen talks about the missed prom, empathize with how hard that is. If they are wishing for the fun of homecoming week activities, explore if there are any creative ways you could create some similar fun with the family or with some of their friends. Teens can be really creative, especially about things they care about. So, spend some time brainstorming with them about different options for fun and connection. A project might be just the thing to help them feel more engaged and motivated.
Encourage them to stay in touch with friends, beyond social media. Social media has a big place in teen’s lives, but it also provides a lopsided view of reality. So, connecting with their friends in other ways is really important too. Encourage, but try not to nag--they’ll just tune you out then. You can ask about how their close friends are doing or who they’ve been FaceTiming with lately. If it’s comfortable for your family and their friends’ families, you can suggest hangouts like having a couple friends over to your backyard or getting together at the park. You can offer to help your teen schedule a virtual movie or game night with friends.
Remember, you modeling how to stay connected helps. We’ve all shifted how we interact with the people in our lives. It’s good for your teen to see how you now spend time with your siblings over Zoom or how you attend your book club meetings virtually. Even when we think teens don’t care or aren’t paying attention, they’re absorbing what they see around them, and what they observe helps create a mental framework for what they believe is possible.
Life is going to be different for teens (and for all of us) for some time to come. So, let’s work together and think outside the box in how we can stay connected to help everyone get the support they need.
If you have other ideas or suggestions for helping teens or families stay connected, I’d love to hear them! Just email me at ivy@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com.
All the best,
Ivy
Ivy Griffin, LMFT # 51714, Director
she/hers
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
916-287-3430
hello@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com