Do you have those moments when it feels like your entire body has been taken over by a feeling? When it doesn’t even matter if you know the feeling is out of proportion because it’s such an all-consuming tidal wave that you can’t begin stop it? I imagine most of us HSPs have had and will continue to have these moments—much to our chagrin. We hate them, right? I have that sense of “Wait, seriously?” when it starts to happen. Like, are you kidding me—I’m here—AGAIN?! But, that doesn’t make the tears subside.
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We are what we eat, think, and believe.
It is a simple statement, yet like a ripe and ready to eat onion, it’s got layers to it. We live in a fast-paced, demanding, and overly stimulating world that requires vast amounts of energy, time, and attention. Sometimes the last thing on our minds is eating. Especially in a world saturated with ready-to-eat, fast-food, to-go options.
For most of us, it is hard to think straight when we’re hungry, or if we’ve had an emotional or stressful day. Many of us go for convenience rather than cooking something at home. Fast-food was created to be faster, easier, and everywhere. Or at least this is the justification you use while going through the drive-thru at In-N-Out in between errands. You then order that delicious double-double animal-style burger, fries and soda.
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We live in such a busy, fast-paced culture. If we’re not working 40, 50, 60+ hours each week, we’re running from the grocery store to the cleaners to the (fill-in-the-blank), cooking dinner and worrying about whether to be low carb or plant-based or just eat what we want. We might be driving kids to their sports practice or rushing off to get in a quick workout at the gym. However we fill our days, most of us have a LOT going on! No wonder we get overwhelmed.
Of course, there are a couple of problems with being overwhelmed. . .
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Anxiety. It’s such a normal and a dreaded emotion. And, I mean, dreaaaad-ed. We’ll go to all kinds of lengths to avoid, push down, squash and completely ignore anxiety. Why? Probably because it feels pretty awful. Personally, I hate the stomach-churning, chest-tightening, breath-shortening, shaky and somewhat nauseous sensations that accompany anxiety for me. Anxiety can also include sweatiness, dry mouth, racing heart, inability to think clearly or, basically, to make any kind of rational decision. No wonder we hate it!
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We can feel that "fear of missing out" about so many life experiences, and the holiday season is no different. This time of year can bring up soooo many different feelings, even within the same person. Some people have a childlike sense of wonder with the traditions and lights and parties. Others might enjoy the festivities but dread the stress of getting it all done. Still others can be left longing for more or hurting because they don’t have the people or relationships or traditions they want in their lives at this time of year.
Dear friends, this article is for those of you in this latter category.
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Welcome to our Surviving & Thriving blog! This will be our new spot to feature articles, videos, images, etc. that we want to share and that we think could be helpful to you. We may cover depression, anxiety, healthy communication, self-compassion, relationship tips, coping skills and on and on here. It'll be our playground to share with you!
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Do you have those moments where it feels like your entire body has been taken over by a feeling? Almost as if you’ve been consumed by a strange creature, and you’re not sure if there’s going to be a “you” when it’s all said and done?? I imagine most of us HSPs have had and will continue to have these moments—much to our chagrin. We hate them, right? I have that sense of ‘Wait, seriously, seriously?’ when it starts to happen. Like, are you kidding me—I’m here—AGAIN?!
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Have I mentioned that I hate small talk? I mean, ewww. The meaningless banter makes me want to get outta there, stat. But, give me some depth, catch my interest on a topic, go beyond the ordinary chatter and I’m hooked. I loooove stories SO much. I could listen for hours as a story unfolds. Yes, it’s one of the reasons I became a therapist, and it’s one of the gifts of therapy—we very quickly move past the shallow small talk and dig into what’s real and what matters. As an HSP, this stirs my soul. I come alive with such deep and meaningful conversations.
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A couple of years ago my husband and I bought our first house. Prior to this, I’d spent the past decade + living in apartments and condos with no yard to maintain, just a small patio or deck at most. I tried my hand a few times at having some potted plants or trying to grow some herbs but didn’t have much luck. So, when we moved into our new home, I decided that because I love nature and I love the outdoors I was going to do some gardening, dammit!
By now, I’ve tried my hand at planting broccoli and cauliflower and squash and carrots and lettuce and so forth and have had a lot of fun with the planting and the harvesting. It still amazes me that I can grow produce in the backyard! (I feel like a little kid who’s all excited that the seed they planted in a cup is actually becoming a real-live-green-thing.) And—because this is a therapist blog—I have to share that during my gardening exploits, I’ve discovered something about myself:
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Change. I hear the word and experience a flood of emotions. What feelings come up for you when you think about changes in your life? Excitement? Anxiety? Irritation? Overwhelm? Sadness? Curiosity? Fear? Joy? All of the above? More? Change can be exciting, thrilling even. It can motivate me, drive me, push me to excel. However, change can also completely overwhelm me, threatening to suffocate and strangle out any energy or passion that I have. Sometimes change is even irritating. I am planning for my day to go a certain way. Maybe I’ve even mapped out what will happen, and then, zoom, I’m thrown a curve ball and it all changes. So annoying!
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Ever catch yourself saying, “Argh! Really?! How did I end up back here again? I thought I’d gotten over that!” Just imagine me vigorously nodding my head as I type. I’ve been there so many times, more than I’d care to count. It can be the most frustrating experience. You think you’ve done your personal work, addressed the problem and are ready to face the world! Then, blam! You find yourself back in an old pattern. You may feel defeated, you may feel humbled. You may feel ashamed or hopeless.
But there’s some light in this tunnel—did you know this is NORMAL? You are not incompetent, and you’re not a lost cause. This process is a part of growth, believe it or not.
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62 miles of vineyards, farmland, and rivers—doesn’t sound too bad, right? Oh wait, did I mention 62 miles of cycling? Until a month ago, I would have said that was completely insane. However, my significant other has had a goal for years of riding a century—a full 100 miles of cycling. He’d talked about it before but hadn't gotten around to it. So, this year when the topic came up, I decided not only would I be supportive, but I would also set some cycling goals with him. I like the idea of having fitness-oriented goals, and we both love being outdoors, so what did I have to lose? I even registered with him for some upcoming centuries, knowing that we could do shorter rides on the day of, if necessary.
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Have you ever heard a child’s parents being blamed when the child has “behavior problems?” Even naming something wrong with the parents’ character? Ouch. Maybe you yourself have felt the blunt end of this blame or have worried that others will judge you as "one of those parents" when your child acts out. It’s a message that is communicated by people all throughout our society from high profile leadership to the average American worker. It’s a natural urge for us to look for someone to take responsibility for the misinterpreted shortcomings of our kids. Pointing fingers is so much easier than digging deeper.
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2016 ended with a bang for me. Unfortunately, it was not that of fireworks or a champagne bottle. My sweet, handsome 15 year old cat, Noche, had to be put to sleep. His kidneys were failing, and despite many tests and treatments, the vets still weren’t sure what was going wrong and couldn’t stop it. My heart felt like it was ripped out of me. Just 2 weeks prior Noche had gotten a great bill of health from the vet. As an older kitty, he had his share of health conditions, but they were being treated, and he seemed to be doing great. Imagine my shock, then, when we were out of town for the holidays, and my pet-sitter called to say Noche wasn’t eating. Thus began a week long roller coaster of vet phone calls, appointments, debate about whether to come home early, hospitalization, improvement and then rapid decline, all of which ended with my husband and I sitting at the vet’s office on the last day of the year holding my very sick boy for the last time.
I am crying as I write this. I miss him so much, and I still can’t believe that he’s gone. I also realize that as a highly sensitive person, I feel these emotions intensely. As an HSP and a therapist, I find myself noticing my feelings and naming the stages of grief as they come and go.
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Just mentioning the “holiday season” evokes strong reactions in a lot of folks . . . although those reactions can vary A LOT. Some people instantly appear overcome with wonder and awe and excitement and speak only of joy and good times. (The rest of us stare at them in disgust. Just kidding! It’s just that the holidays are more complicated for many people.) For some, referencing the Christmas/Hanukah/ Kwanza/New Year’s holidays brings a heavy sigh, “Ughhhh, so much to do” or “sooo much dealing with family.” For others still, this time of year brings up deep sadness and loss—perhaps loved ones are gone or relationships have ended or they’ve never gotten to experience any version of the movie/greeting card “magic” of the season and they grieve what they haven’t had.
This blog is for all of you who don’t fall into that 1st category.
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