I don’t have to tell you that being a parent or support person to a teen is HARD work! Teens are in such a unique stage developmentally--not quite an adult but not quite a child either (although you may beg to disagree at times ;) ). They’re developing the capacity to question, explore, and generate their own ideas and beliefs about the world while their growing brains can cause them to crave intensity (loud music, new experiences) and be highly emotional and impulsive. It can be a tricky combination!
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Is there someone in your life who saw you and could show you the gem that you inherently hold? This is one of the basic needs we experience as human beings. It's natural and normal to want to be surrounded by people who can hold us in a safe and compassionate space. It's deeply imperative for our self development as we continually learn through observing the folks around us (i.e. our parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors, etc). They show us their views and values, what's “acceptable'' or not and how they treat others and how they accept treatment. We begin to interpret this as our truths and frame our way of seeing the world.
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The parents I’ve worked with over the years care deeply about setting a good example for their teens, guiding them, and showing them love. This may be a part of why there can be a sense of shame around “getting it wrong” with their kids. Society and parents themselves can set almost impossible standards at times for what constitutes “good parenting”. This can make human error, challenges, and unexpected outcomes feel scary. We feel so much empathy for teens when they make mistakes or face challenges but don’t always give parents the same grace.
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As a therapist, I often hear parents express that their teen is not as happy as they used to be. I repeatedly hear “they are just being a hormonal teenager.” Hormones definitely do play a part when it comes to teenagers' moods. However, being a teen can be really tough at times and several different circumstances can impact their happiness. Studies show that it is very important for teens to experience happiness for their future well-being as adults.
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It's a lot of pressure for you young people, which can cause a lot of anxiety; anxiety you don't even know is there until it's too late and it's become overwhelming. It can creep around under the surface 24/7 making it seem natural – but it's not! We have a birthright to feel secure and safe, and to be able to rest and digest.
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Have you noticed that your teen has been struggling with their busy schedule? Have you observed your teen feeling overwhelmed and frustrated because they have a lot on their plate? Have you recognized that your teen is neglecting their daily needs in order to keep up with their busy lives? Teaching our teens how to balance a busy schedule while prioritizing their needs can help lead our teens to become successful and healthy individuals.
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Let’s be honest, navigating life as a teenager isn’t easy. Trying to figure out what makes you unique, while also finding a community you feel you belong to, is a heavy burden most of us face at some point in our lives. Our society mirrors and is modeled after the concept of human “doers''. If you’re wondering what that means, well let me try to break that down for you.
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Teens are constantly comparing themselves to unrealistic expectations of beauty. They have images of flawless people that are portrayed everywhere they look in social media, TV, movies, and magazines. They don’t think about the fact that the majority of these “flawless people” people have gone through plastic surgery and have their photos airbrushed and photo-shopped in order for them to appear so perfect. Instead, teens are asking themselves questions like “Why do I not look perfect like them?” and “What can I do to look just as beautiful?” They might even start assuming, “I’m so ugly and disgusting! Why can’t I be pretty too?” These comparisons and high expectations can lead teens to believe that making changes in their lives like dieting or skipping meals or buying every beauty product imaginable can lead them closer to looking like the beautiful, thin, seemingly perfect, rich and famous people being portrayed to them every day.
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I see it in my office a lot—a low frustration tolerance in teens when they fail. Failing is tough for all of us! That’s why it is so important now for your child to learn how to cope when frustrating moments happen.
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We all know that relationships between teens and their parents, guardians, or any authority figure can be trying. The ways adolescents’ brains are changing and developing (more so than at any other time except ages 0-5) and the ways their identities are forming can naturally put them at odds with parents and authority figures. They’re beginning to think abstractly, question why, and challenge what they don’t agree with. This doesn’t make setting and holding rules and boundaries easy for any adult.
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This article is based on the concepts of negative versus positive attribution bias. Attribution bias as a theory is very complex and has more nuance and depth than this post is able to cover. Instead, we will take a closer look at specifically how this phenomenon of human psychology plays itself out in relationships, specifically between parents and their teens.
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Lately, in my personal and professional life, I have noticed a common theme. What I have noticed is how hard it can be to make the transition from having a child in the home to having one out of the home. I wanted to create a guide to assist “empty nesters” with living a full life after their child has moved out. If you have been able to raise an independent child, that is a sign that you have found some success as a parent! Unfortunately, after celebrating this milestone many parents are left wondering what to do without kids around.
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For the next installment in this series about grief and adolescents, I want to focus on one of the four tasks that are important to working through the grief/loss process: acknowledgment of the loss. While we typically start with this task, it is important to note that all four tasks may be completed in any order and worked on simultaneously. The process will vary from person to person and loss to loss, so our focus is on guiding ourselves and loved ones through as best we can, instead of focusing on particular milestones in a regimented order.
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Teens are notorious for testing boundaries and questioning everything their parents tell them. Gone are the days when a little reverse psychology or the old “Guess you aren’t big enough yet...” routine could get them to eat their greens or brush their teeth. Now, they are moody, irritable, nap during the day, and have little interest in getting tasks done on our timeline. My goal for this post is to highlight some possible causes for oppositional behaviors in teens, as well as some ways to approach their defiance differently.
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Today I want to introduce one of my favorite topics in therapy. It can often explain so much of our teen’s (and our own) experience, but we don’t always think about it in a broader context. That topic is grief and loss, and not just related to death.
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