Holding healthy boundaries is a mental health and well-being phrase that seems to get passed around a lot lately, but what does it actually mean? When we are encouraged to hold healthy boundaries we are actively taking measures to implement limits which safeguard our mental and emotional well-being. These safeguards can prevent burnout, stress, frustration, and resentment between ourselves, loved ones, friends and colleagues.
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For many individuals diagnosed or undiagnosed with ADHD, they often grew up saturated in the word “lazy”. Anytime they were unable to accomplish a task or a goal this word was bandied about and stated with absolute certainty. The problem is that “lazy” implies an intention – when you are being lazy, you are actively choosing not to do something.
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Are you in a relationship with someone who identifies as a highly sensitive person (HSP)? If so, it may not come as news to you that HSPs possess a finely tuned nervous system, making them more attuned to the stimuli, emotions, and subtleties in their environment that can lead to faster overwhelm, burnout, and disconnection than their non-HSP counterparts. Unfortunately, the trait “sensitive” often carries a negative connotation in our culture, and to identify as such has been viewed as a weakness or character flaw historically. The reality, however, is that HSPs bring incredible strengths to relationships like heightened empathy, creativity, and a deep capacity for connection. This blog explores strategies for supporting your partner and nurturing a strong, fulfilling relationship.
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How many times in life have we attempted to have a serious conversation and felt like it derailed? How many times have we entered a discussion and feel baffled by how far from the original point the conversation has flowed? For many attempting to have a serious conversation where we communicate a grievance, concern or address a boundary can be nerve wracking if not anxiety inducing.
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Highly sensitive people (HSPs) often possess high levels of empathy, excellent listening skills, and compassion which make us wonderful friends and confidants. But what do we do when we become emotional dumping grounds for others? How do we recognize when this is happening and how can we protect ourselves?
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I can’t count how many times I’ve received unsolicited commentary about my sensitivity, especially when attempting to assert a boundary or need. Historically, these comments have come from someone I had some sort of ongoing relationship with but only came up in response to my need or boundary. It’s almost as if my “sensitivity” wasn’t a problem until that very moment. Unfortunately, this experience is all too familiar to many of us. I’d like to offer a different perspective than the problem-saturated, blaming point-of-view we’re used to and hopefully create a little relief or at least clarity for readers.
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Something that many of us hear, but may not have been modeled is how to hold our inner power and set healthy boundaries. Standing in your power and setting healthy boundaries is essential for maintaining your well-being and cultivating healthy relationships. You might ask yourself– What does it look like to stand in your power? Standing in your power means confidently and authentically expressing yourself while taking control of your life and decisions. It involves embracing your inner strength, values, and self-worth. Now this sounds great in theory, but it isn't something that happens over night and needs conscientious practice, self awareness, and validation. I would be remiss to not address that there are various cultural, societal, and systemic oppressions that are created to take our power away. And while that may be true–
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What's interesting is that even in our worry about whether or not we belong--we belong. All people have these concerns. All people want to be accepted and understood and precisely because it matters so much, it will sometimes keep us up at night. We will cry out in the depths of our loneliness, "Do people like me?"
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At times in life we are all faced with uncomfortable realizations about ourselves and how we actually come across to other people. Realizing you might be a bit of a Goldilocks is one of those realizations. Most of us have heard the story of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears,” and the origin stems from that story. A “Goldilocks” tends to complain and quickly dismisses any input or attempts at support, immediately justifies reasons as to why something won’t work, and often feels that nobody understands. This can be incredibly frustrating for the people we interact with, and can take an emotional toll on them after a while. So what can we do if we realize we have entered a Goldilocks phase?
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Most of us have heard the story of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears,” and most of us have a Goldilocks in our own lives whether that is at home, at work, or amongst our friends and acquaintances. This is the person that constantly complains and is never satisfied with any advice, direction or attempts at supporting them. They often quickly dismiss any input and immediately have a reason as to why that won’t work and will say that you just don’t understand. Interacting with a Goldilocks can be incredibly frustrating especially since it can feel like we are hearing the same complaints on repeat, and they tend not to act on what we consider to be grounded and reasonable advice and solutions.
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Maybe you don’t trust them - they seem controlling, clingy, or possessive. Perhaps you don’t like how your teenager acts differently around them, like a totally different person with different interests and tastes and even style. It could also be that you’ve noticed other changes in your teen since this new love interest came into the picture, such as acting secretive, reclusive, or moody. Or it’s just that your teen and their date are moving way too fast, getting too serious and overly involved at the expense of everything else. After all, they’re only teenagers!
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We live in a very polarized culture. In the U.S., popular discourse seems to be dominated by overly simplistic descriptions of complex situations and people. Who among us has been glad we were not the ones being called out or criticized online? Perhaps we've even participated in criticizing others for being "toxic" or some other popular term for people we despise.
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Navigating difficult times in a marriage can be one of the most challenging and complex tasks any couple will ever face. With more than 20 years together, couples must contend with an array of issues such as intimacy, personality changes, kids & grandkids, active vs inactive lifestyle and much more that arise over time. It can be hard to devise answers for these predicaments, yet it is attainable if you have the right resources and information at your disposal. In this article, we'll explore 6 tips for navigating difficult times in a long marriage; from finding common ground with your spouse to exploring different forms of therapy that may help bring back connection between two partners who've been married for many years.
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It’s over…Well, at least the logistical act of “breaking up” has occurred. Making the decision was tough enough, and actually enacting that decision was perhaps even harder, but nothing really feels “over” about the huge transition you’re facing right now. You may have expected to feel relieved or empowered, but the initial rush of getting what you thought would be the hard part out of the way has faded and left you with uncertainty. Is there a best way to grieve a relationship? How does one effectively move on? In other words: “Now what??”
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The idea that we can and should control everything isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Having control may be presented as "empowering” but it also sends the message that we’re failures if we can’t control something. For example, self-help programs that claim you can improve your relationships through being more assertive may be well-intentioned but unless they're saying "being more assertive may improve your relationships with certain people", they might be inadvertently feeding into the idea that you're responsible for the way others behave toward you. Others’ behavior is not something we can control yet we’re sometimes led to believe we can make others treat us better and that it's our fault when they treat us poorly.
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