A few years ago someone close to me, knowing I was a therapist, approached me hesitantly. They shared that they had been seeing a therapist for a while and noted that they felt frustrated and confused. They felt like they had been trying to make it work, but noted that it felt like therapy wasn’t working and wondered if there was something wrong with them or if they had a bad therapist.
After some discussion it became clear that part of the problem was that the therapist's theoretical orientation and the goals and personality of the person close to me didn’t align well, which is normal and can occur.
So what do you do when a therapist isn’t a good fit?
The first step is self reflection;
How many times have you met the therapist? Sometimes we can tell early on that something isn’t right for us and that’s okay, however sometimes we get so anxious that we self sabotage and find excuses as to why we should just give up on therapy. Trust your instincts,but also give your therapist a fair chance, therapists aren’t miracle workers and sometimes we need more than one session to really connect with a client.
Have you made efforts to implement skills and tools recommended and have you been honest with your therapist when they asked? If the answer is no, then it’s important to look at what stopped you from using the tools they provided (did the tools make you uncomfortable, did it feel like too much work, was it impractical for your life, et cetera) and have an honest conversation with your therapist. They may be able to tweak tools to better suit your needs, or find resources that are a better fit. Therapists aren’t mind readers if you don’t communicate with us we have to operate on incomplete information which can lead to lackluster results.
Have you tried discussing the issue with the therapist? If you have repeatedly discussed the issue with your therapist, and have made active efforts to participate and engage and you still feel like nothing is changing then it is well within your rights to look for a therapist who will be a better fit and meet your needs. However if you have never had the courage to broach the subject with your therapist then I highly recommend that you make an effort to talk with them about the issue. They may have been unaware of the issue, and able to adjust their approach to better suit your needs.
The next step is to sit down with the therapist and have an open and honest conversation about your concerns.
As long as you communicate and express yourself respectfully, a good therapist will understand if you feel that they aren’t the right fit, and they may even be able to help connect you with a therapist who is more in line with your needs, or help you better identify what kind of support you are looking for.
And remember just because a therapist wasn’t the right fit for you, doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t the right fit for someone else.
Warmly,
Megan Bell, LMFT # 114303
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
1614 X St., Suite A
Sacramento, CA, 95818
916-287-3430
thrivetherapyandcounseling.com