Using Communication to Help Hold Healthy Boundaries
Ivy Griffin
Holding healthy boundaries is a mental health and well-being phrase that seems to get passed around a lot lately, but what does it actually mean? When we are encouraged to hold healthy boundaries we are actively taking measures to implement limits which safeguard our mental and emotional well-being. These safeguards can prevent burnout, stress, frustration, and resentment between ourselves, loved ones, friends and colleagues.
One measure we might take to practice holding healthy boundaries is by making slight changes in our communication approach. For instance, if we often find that we have a hard time saying “no” and agree to tasks that require more energy or resources than we can realistically support, using communication to hold a healthy boundary may be beneficial. For most people, doing a drastic shift from typically saying “yes” to saying “no” can be difficult. Instead, try shifting your response to one that is somewhere between the two. This response should ideally buy you time and space to stop, think and reflect on if this task is something you have the time, energy and emotional resources for.
Some examples of this include phrases like: “Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you by (insert day),” or, “I need to check on/complete prior commitments first, before I agree to something new,” or, “That sounds like a great opportunity, but let me verify my availability first, and then I’ll get back to you.”
This approach can be helpful because it can help combat the pressure to respond and appease or support the other party. When we typically agree to things we later regret, it’s because we are responding in the moment to the stress, pressure, and urgency the other person is placing on the request and we feel obligated to meet them where they are at.
If you use communication to try and help support healthy boundaries and the other party continues to pressure you (“I need an answer now”) trust your intuition and keep in mind that agreeing to something under duress is rarely wise. If you feel that you want to say “yes”, then say “yes”. But you can also express your understanding and redirect them to other resources.
“I hear you when you say you need an answer right now, but if you’re looking for a ‘yes’ I can’t give that to you at this moment.” or “Based on your urgency, I think it might be best for you to ask someone else, what about (insert person/resource here).”
With warm regards,
Megan Bell, LMFT # 114303
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
2131 Capitol Ave, Suite 306
Sacramento, CA, 95816