It's no secret that being a teenager is hard. In fact, acknowledging this has been a practical cliché for generations. Mental and emotional stressors originating in biology—growth and change across late childhood and adolescence—are understandably important factors. But so are environmental factors, the pressures put on teens by social forces like education, the economy, technology, and increased connectivity to an uncertain world.
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For many individuals diagnosed or undiagnosed with ADHD, they often grew up saturated in the word “lazy”. Anytime they were unable to accomplish a task or a goal this word was bandied about and stated with absolute certainty. The problem is that “lazy” implies an intention – when you are being lazy, you are actively choosing not to do something.
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Do you see your teen lounging around--eyes glued to their phone constantly--and worry about what kind of adult they’re going to become? You might be frustrated with your kid’s low energy , with their ability to sleep 17 hours a day, or with how you have to tell them 8 times to unload the dishwasher, and you wonder when they’ll finally get it together.
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Dear parents,
Here are answers to more frequently asked questions that often pop up for parents searching for services for their child/teen. I hope these insights can help you as you begin sussing out what you are looking for therapeutically.
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As therapists, we are aware that it can be overwhelming and anxiety provoking trying to navigate the mental health system for your child – especially if you have never had contact with any kind of mental health support in the past. In hopes of supporting you as you start this journey, here are the answers to some frequently asked therapy questions.
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There’s an app for just about everything at this point so it should come as no surprise that there are apps for venting. When it comes to our teens, the idea of letting them venture into yet another unknown social media realm can feel daunting. So here are a few things to keep in mind if your teen asks to download a venting app, or shares that they have.
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As a parent, watching your teen begin the complex journey of self-discovery and identity development can feel like an emotional roller coaster. At times you may feel at odds with their means of self-expression or find it challenging to broach the conversation about identity with your teen who feels more resistant to opening up than ever before. Finding the balance between respecting your teens' unique journey and desire for greater independence with guidance and support can feel like an impossible juggling act!
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Sometimes it can seem like teens completely tune out (or want nothing to do with) adults, especially authority figures, even more so--their parents. This can leave parents feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. “He’s not getting his homework done, but how am I supposed to get him on the right track when he won’t listen to me?!” “She seems irritable and agitated a lot these days, but when I ask what’s wrong, she rolls her eyes or grumbles, ‘nothing.’ How do I get through to her?”
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How do we help our kids appreciate technology without becoming all consumed by it? We live in this world of constant connectivity to our devices, and it can be hard for all of us to put the phone down and slowly back away. This is especially true for our teens, since they’re digital natives. They truly don’t know what life was like when you couldn’t just google everything, text a friend, or watch a youtube video to learn what to do.
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Perhaps you have considered medication for your teen or perhaps someone else suggested it might be worth looking into. And maybe on this subject your feelings are mixed, or you have historically been hesitant to consider the idea. I encourage you to explore and consider your resistance- where does it stem from? Was it a bad personal experience, a horror story about a friend or family member that tried, or is it a lack of knowledge on the subject?
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Have you noticed a shift in your teens' day-to-day routine and mood? Getting them out the door for school may feel like the same battle each morning as they tearfully beg you to let them stay home again. You may have noticed your teen is increasingly holed up in their room uninterested in hanging out with friends or more reluctant than usual to join the family. Or maybe you’ve heard your frustrated teen complain about being unable to get to sleep, furthering the challenge of getting them moving in the morning. These behaviors may be signs of underlying anxiety that leave you feeling helpless and desperate for solutions to help get your child feeling like themselves again. If so, here are a few tools for supporting your teen through anxiety…
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What are some of the characteristics of HSPs? We don't like loud noises, making mistakes, we need reassurance, are easily startled, it takes us longer to adjust to significant life changes, we feel overwhelmed when there’s a lot going on at once, and other’s moods deeply affect us. We also have strong emotional attunement and empathy. We care more! Being a parent means there’s constant chaos, rushing, less time for basic needs like eating/sleeping/bathing much, limited time for self-care, huge changes, hourly and persistent loud noises. When challenges are not addressed, this can lead to emotional reactivity, guilt, struggles with anxiety/depression, feeling lonely/disconnected and low self-value.
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You realize that your teen has been spending even more time alone in their room lately. You practically have to drag them out for dinner, and you’ve given up on wishing they would just voluntarily play on their phone in the den, much less actually hang out with the family. Perhaps they’re doing distance learning, but why do they insist on always being in their room? When you ask how they are, you get a shrug and “fine” as they walk away. You notice they haven’t asked to get together with friends lately either. When you do see your kid, they always seem so low energy and tired.
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Do you ever feel like everybody needs something from you and all you want is time to yourself? Do you try to take time for yourself but struggle with guilt or worry about “neglecting” others? Finding the balance between our needs and others’ can be a struggle. Many of us have received messages from the time we were young to do as we’re told, that being “good” is saying “yes” to everyone, and that prioritizing ourselves is selfish. How can we be there for others without losing our minds? And how can we prioritize ourselves without feeling selfish.
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I don’t have to tell you that being a parent or support person to a teen is HARD work! Teens are in such a unique stage developmentally--not quite an adult but not quite a child either (although you may beg to disagree at times ;) ). They’re developing the capacity to question, explore, and generate their own ideas and beliefs about the world while their growing brains can cause them to crave intensity (loud music, new experiences) and be highly emotional and impulsive. It can be a tricky combination!
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