“You just don’t get it, Mom!” I definitely said that hundreds of times during my own adolescence in a variety of moods, facial expressions, and tones of voice. I often felt misunderstood and sometimes sought out arguments with my parents to prove it to myself. My friends and I would vent about how our parents could never know what we were going through, considering how much ‘older’ they were! I laugh at that now after having my own children and realizing how much more complicated parenthood is than I ever thought when I was a teen.Read More
This blog is written by a therapist in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of kids, teens and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves. There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!
Filtering by Category: parenting sacramento
Do you notice that your teen goes through these times when it seems like their entire body has been overtaken by emotion? Almost as if they’ve been consumed by a strange creature, and you’re not sure what’s going to be left when it’s all said and done?? You see a full-on Hulk standing in your living room where your once-lovely child was.
Yep, most teens go through times of HUGE emotions, and most parents of teens have been there, seen that! Due to the physiological processes occurring in teens as their brains grow and develop and as their hormones and body chemistry changes, feeling really big feelings is something most teens experience from time to time. And, it ain’t pretty. Not for teens and not for those who love them. Often, parents can feel like, “Wait, seriously? Seriously? We’re doing this AGAIN?”
So, one of the best things we can do for our teens is to help them learn to be kind to themselves. Such kindness can be referred to as self-compassion, and there’s now a chunk of research that shows that self-compassion is really effective in helping people feel better and be happier. In fact, it’s argued that self-compassion is even more helpful than self-esteem, which requires us to rate ourselves and our abilities. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is the recognition that we all deserve kindness and caring just because we’re alive. It’s not earned; it’s a basic right.
Where do we start?
“This is stupid! I’m done!” shouts your 11 year old as he stomps past you. You watch the severe scowl of irritation on his face and his I’m so totally done with homework tonight vibe with some bewilderment. You wonder why he gave up so quickly or what was so challenging about the work. The reoccurring theme for your kiddo is his impatience and unwillingness to put in the extra effort. I see it in my office a lot—a low frustration tolerance in tweens when they fail. Failing is tough for all of us! That’s why is it so important now for your child to learn how to cope when frustrating moments happen in life.Read More
Boredom for many parents is a scary word. Whenever I mention it to the families I work with I get a physical reaction of wide eyes and nervous, terrified giggles or full-on snorts of disbelief. Anxiety creeps over their faces ,and they shake their heads at me and mumble ‘no way’ or ‘that won’t last long…’ I get it. Kids in an instant gratification age/era is tough! It can almost feel impossible. But I’m here to tell you--it’s a crucial ingredient to growing up.Read More
Over the course of just a few days I heard parents, both inside and outside my practice, say: “I’ve ruined my son!” “She’s messed up for life.” “I’m a terrible parent—what was I thinking?!” My first reaction was shock . . .and then curiosity. What had these poor parents done to their kids to express so much shame and guilt? Then after a little digging, I discovered two parts to these big statements. 1) The parents really didn’t do anything to cause such a personal verbal shaming. 2) But they all felt like they did.Read More
Self-care. I know, it’s a buzz word, and we’ve talked before about the importance of taking care of yourself if you are a parent. However, it’s so necessary and so often overlooked or ignored that it deserves more discussion. Today I want to address a broader audience—one that includes all types of caregivers. I suppose everyone experiences supporting another person at one time or another in life, but some people have strict caretaking type roles in their work or family or friendship circle. For the purposes of this post, I’m using a very broad definition of the term caretaker, so it includes anyone in a role in which they have some consistent responsibility to manage the wellbeing and care of another human being.Read More