Self-Esteem vs Self Worth
Ivy Griffin
Let’s be honest, navigating life as a teenager isn’t easy. Trying to figure out what makes you unique, while also finding a community you feel you belong to, is a heavy burden most of us face at some point in our lives. Our society mirrors and is modeled after the concept of human “doers''. If you’re wondering what that means, well let me try to break that down for you.
The Human Doer: is the part of you that finds moments of pride or joy from getting an ‘A’ on that exam you were worried about or getting the time you were hoping for during that tough meet. It’s the part of you that feels shame for procrastinating on that group project that’s due tomorrow or forgetting to decorate your friend’s locker for their birthday. The human doer impacts your self-esteem. It says ‘I am bad or not good enough’ because I didn’t reach the expectation either I or someone important to me has set. It’s society slamming you into shame for not doing what you need to do to be seen as successful or perfect. Self-esteem can fluctuate just like the stock market (oh great, math). It can go up and it can go down depending on what you DID. It can leave us feeling like robots in a weird simulation on this floating rock.
Unfortunately, many of us base our identity and sense of self on our self-esteem and therefore can feel terrible about ourselves and it can lead to negative thinking, isolation, hopelessness, worthlessness and deep sadness. Luckily, we don’t have to be confined by these norms and notions set by society, our family, friends, teachers, or ourselves. We can lean into the concept of what it means to be a Human Being. Now, I know that science has taught you the anatomy part of what it means to be a human being, but I am talking about something deeper than our physical selves.
The Human Being: is the life force that each of us are born with that is innately always present. It’s the inner gem, the light, the worth that exists just for being born. When a baby comes into this world you can look into their eyes and see that glimmer that just radiates joy and delight. That same energy doesn’t go away, but the messages we receive from the outer world can start to cover our gem and layer it with fallacies that create unreliable narratives (i.e. of shame, depression, anxiety, etc.). This gem is our self worth.
How do we move from The Human Doer to the Human Being?
We can start to reflect and explore what is at our core. What is the inner wisdom saying when we don’t fully agree with what our critic is saying?
We can connect to nature. Seeing the similarities of the trees, the dirt, the sun and us.
We can remember that what we see and feel in others (love, compassion, values, truths) can be found in us as well.
We can lean into the assumption that we are all created with this life force, that will guide us when darkness enviably arises.
The exploration is yours and yours only. YOU get to decide what your gem is made out of, and YOU get to let in those who reflect that back to you. My hope is that you are able to sit in deep curiosity for what your gem is made of and that you find your strength in that life power that you inherently already hold.
In gratitude,
Dre Merkey, AMFT #127804 & APCC #10183
Supervised by Danielle Kardum, LMFT #114847
916-287-3430
dre@thrivetherapyandcounseling.org
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/dre-merkey